Cheated on Husband - Do I tell him?

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smileysue

Guest
#21
#21
If you repented to God accept that God has forgiven you. When we ask God for forgiveness he forgives us and forgets the sin and he expects us to pick our lives up and move forward. YOU have got to forgive yourself, God has forgiven you and now you forgive and forget and move on with your life with your family. I would not tell him as you are trying to move on with your family and make life happy and he may not understand unless he is a child of God. But you layed it on the altar of God so leave it there and move on. When we ask for forgiveness and give God our problems we should leave it with God and not take it back. Forgive yourself and move on. Do not upset your family life now with something you ask God's forgiveness for and he forgave you. Now he expects you to move on with your life. God Bless You.
 
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Pay-Pay

Guest
#22
#22
I cheated on my ex fiance once. Cheating is NOT why we broke up. I told him the very night it had happened. I cried myself to sleep, and he forgave me. He knew deep down if I could have came right out while it had happened, especially since I was crying, he knew I felt horrible and he knew that I realized what I had done. I loved him so very much. Eventually we did break up. But it had nothing to do with me cheating. And so I hope that it goes just as well with you.
 
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Brighthouse

Guest
#23
#23
Sistermatteroffact NEVER TELL HIM!!! The only reason you would tell him is because the forgiveness you received from the Lord ,you in fact do not want! You want your guilt to remain?? The sin you first committed is gone! It never happened to God! Psalm 103:8-17 How many people do you know that love you this much?? I sure do not know of any!!

Do you think any married man has not looked upon another woman with lust in his heart?? LOL He did not have sex with her either, but he sure thought about it,what is the difference to God?? NOTHING!! It is a sin.( matt 5:28) Would you want your husband to confess to you every woman he perhaps lusted over during his life with you?? Flesh is weak,we cannot help that,but what we can help is the use of our tongue.

It is the very rudder to our body,it affects us,and it sure can affect others,others we care deeply for, and would never wish to hurt.( james 3:4-12) You are deeply sorry,and the Lord Jesus knows that,that is all that truly matters!Let that sin rest in the sea of forgetfullness in both your mind and spirit sis!(Psalm 103:12-13)

You are learning that forgiveness, like anything else good sister must be granted by you,to you first,before we can ever forgive another!In this we know Jesus truly lives in us.We can never give something to someone else when we do not have it to give.Jesus loves you!Let his love fill your heart with that assurance!!You have that assurance when the sins we commit are given to Jesus covered in his blood washed away by his GREAT LOVE!!( 1 Peter 4:8!!)

We learn to tame out tongue by renewing our mind through Christ Jesus through his very Word! ( rom 12:1-2) Without such knowledge of his word God's people will perish.( Hosea 4:6)My people are destroyed for what sis?? amen lack of knowledge by God's own Word! The more knowledge we have in our mind,the more faith and belief we place in that Word, getting that very Word to our heart,and we know when this has happened, because our tongue speaks what we truly do believe!( rom 10:8-11!!!) I present God's own Word to you,never my opinion,for I cannot save you or help you,but Jesus in me sure can and will, IF!!!! you choose to look for yourself and believe!Blessing to you sister!! Go in peace amen!Your brother in Christ mark
 
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foreverfaith45

Guest
#24
#24
Hello, Matteroffact. This is what I've given in response to your predicament, to hopefully help. First of all, God is in control, He sees and knows everything. In my experience when a sin has been committed, if God wanted it revealing then HE would make sure that it WAS revealed, and brought out into the open, for us to glean learning from it. The way I see it, you've been convicted of your sin and repented to the Lord and turned away from it, therefore, you are forgiven. Go and sin no more. The guilt you are feeling is fleshly guilt, self condemnation. Effectively, you're judging yourself. The fact that God hasn't 'told' on you, in my opinion means that you shouldn't force anything, by doing anything in your own strength. If God wants it known, it shall be.

Also, from experience, there must have been a reason why your head was turned and you were tempted to stray. Obviously temptation is the work of the enemy, and it is a choice, but in Christ, thankfully, we are aware of this.

When push comes to shove, only you knows the state of your marriage, and whether it could withstand it, or if it is even necessary to tell your husband. It could open a whole can of worms that wasn't needed.

So, my feeling on this is not to say anything and give it to Jesus, and don't take it back. God's timing is perfect. He knows us better than we know ourselves. All will be revealed if need be, and it will be for our own good.

All the best, and God bless you.
 
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niceguyJ

Senior Member
#25
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#25
You've sought God's forgiveness. That's great. Now what about your husband??

Consider this:
Would you say you have sinned against your husband by doing this?
Now how can you get forgiveness from your husband if he doesn't know?

There is most definitely a difference in thought and action. Sure, it's a sin to have those impure thoughts and "cheat in your mind". I'm not denying that. The Bible is clear on it. HOWEVER, actually acting on a sin and committing it is different. It's a step past just thinking about it. It's usually going to have worse consequences too. Seriously, if you told him "I had bad thoughts about another man." would it be as big of a deal to him as if you told him "I actually acted on some bad thoughts I had about another man" ?
So I think that's a silly argument some of you are making up there... trying to use that scripture to justify her not telling him. Sure both are sin, but it's NOT the same.

Ultimately it's between God, you, and your husband. You're the one who has to live with telling or not. I hope and pray this all gets worked out and you both seek God to help strengthen your marriage.
 
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jimmydiggs

Guest
#26
#26
I don't understand why people are saying "hide yo sin from him!"

Confess your sins.

It's not always easy.
 
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Brandon777

Guest
#27
#27
smileysue said:
If you repented to God accept that God has forgiven you. When we ask God for forgiveness he forgives us and forgets the sin and he expects us to pick our lives up and move forward. YOU have got to forgive yourself, God has forgiven you and now you forgive and forget and move on with your life with your family. I would not tell him as you are trying to move on with your family and make life happy and he may not understand unless he is a child of God. But you layed it on the altar of God so leave it there and move on. When we ask for forgiveness and give God our problems we should leave it with God and not take it back. Forgive yourself and move on. Do not upset your family life now with something you ask God's forgiveness for and he forgave you. Now he expects you to move on with your life. God Bless You.
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Nothing in Scripture supports keeping the truth from someone you supposedly love. This is ludicrous.
 
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mistywomack

Guest
#28
#28
I have been exactly where you are and yes you should tell him. I went along time living with that secrete and it ate me up inside. The weird thing is he already knew but wanted to hear it from me. This was before I was saved and now we are better than we was before. Good luck on your choice. Let God lead you and don't fight with him, hear him out and yes he may get mad but the truth will win at the end show him that your sorry. Words are meaningless without action.
 
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hug-a-bug

Guest
#29
#29
go ahead and tell him better to get it off ur chest everyones been crushed so are u really saving him!!
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#30
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#30
Someone here made a really good point....or alluded to it:


Your husband will later (after healing from anger and hurt) feel secure in knowing that you will confess or talk to him about ANYTHING, after you confess and apologize for this mistake. We'll be praying for that to happen :)
 
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Brighthouse

Guest
#31
#31
I really do not understand many of you??? Hide sin??? Who is the only one who truly forgives us of all our sin?? So to make yourself feel better,you would deeply hurt your spouse? When no sex of any kind was involved? As if your own self righteousness needs to be feed even more??? WOW!! I call this always having sin condemnation. But with Jesus there is none!!! (rom 8:1!!) You mean to write me and tell me that everytime you look on another with lust in your heart you tell your wife or husband??PLEASE!!! Give me a break!

Well since many of you believe yourself to be so high and mighty please do consider this as well. If she goes and tells her husband, and he then wants a divorce because you cannot believe Jesus alone is not enough for her then, you, YES YOU!!!! became of part of this!! It is most rare I ever become angry at any!! If you believe that someone else has to forgive you, before you are forgiven!!!Then I would take a very strong look at your own faith if i were you!!

I normally always respect other thoughts!! But two lives could be totally trashed by her speaking to her husband on this,along with the children! What sin is hidden from God??And whose blood is the only one that can cleanse us from ALL!!!!! Un righteousness? OURS????? LOL Colossians 4:6 says Let your speech ALWAYS be with grace, seasoned as it were, with salt, SO THAT!!! you will KNOW!!!!!! how you should respond to EACH PERSON!!! I hope you will take this as a Strong rebuke!!! Not hated of any kind! I love the body of Christ here!! Many wonder why there own lives are in such sorrow right now. The more we think about sin in our own lives, the more we partake of it!

Many do not understand what the righteousness of God truly is!! The church quotes only verse 23 of rom 3!! And this is true!!BUT!!!! read verse 19-22!!!! We are not under the law, we are under the GRACE of Jesus himself!Our works produce nothing!! verse 22 even the righteouness of God THROUGH!!!!! faith! in whom?? Others??? NOPE!!! Christ Jesus and Christ Jesus alone! For all those ( and we are the all those here) believe there is NO Distinction!!

We are already made righteousness by God himself! We need no other to become righteous! Those who think on sin all the time dwell in it,Jesus does not teach this! Peace can never be found in thinking upon sin daily,peace is found by the forgiveness of our sin,and our minds are to think as Phil 4:6-9. Peace comes only through Christ Jesus not anyone else.I hope you will consider this,and not just get mad at me for the rebuke! Even in anger loves comes from it to you all who think she should speak to him.If repenting to the God who made us is not enough for some of you,then perhaps your outlook on Christ Jesus should be examined much more by you!( 2 Cor 13:5) In LOVE!!! I hope you will consider this!
 
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mistywomack

Guest
#32
#32
Hello again. Ok I'm sorry I couldn't see your whole post at first so although my sin was a whole lot worse in my eyes note Gods. A sin is a sin whether its cursing, drugs, alcohol etc. Yes ever though you didn't have sex it was still a sin and you acknowledged that so you already knew that BC you asked for forgiveness. God has forgiven you the moment you asked him. No you don't have to tell him all you done was made a mistake. Your not alone we all make mistakes and God knows we are not perfect. The main thing here is you acknowledged the problem, you seaked forgiveness, you received forgiveness and now you move on with your family and stay faithful from that point on. My husband and I had been married 10 years also when I cheated and for me it was the other man told me things I didn't hear at home anymore and made me feel beautiful and special and that allowed the devil to do his evil work. We all male and female sometimes forget that even though we are married we still need to show our spouses respect and love no matter if its 1 year are 50 year marriage. Don't take anything for granted. Leave your question alone you are forgiving by God and that's all you need. I love u sister in christ and will continue to pray for you.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#33
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#33
Brighthouse said:
I really do not understand many of you??? Hide sin??? Who is the only one who truly forgives us of all our sin?? So to make yourself feel better,you would deeply hurt your spouse? When no sex of any kind was involved? As if your own self righteousness needs to be feed even more??? WOW!! I call this always having sin condemnation. But with Jesus there is none!!! (rom 8:1!!) You mean to write me and tell me that everytime you look on another with lust in your heart you tell your wife or husband??PLEASE!!! Give me a break!

Well since many of you believe yourself to be so high and mighty please do consider this as well. If she goes and tells her husband, and he then wants a divorce because you cannot believe Jesus alone is not enough for her then, you, YES YOU!!!! became of part of this!! It is most rare I ever become angry at any!! If you believe that someone else has to forgive you, before you are forgiven!!!Then I would take a very strong look at your own faith if i were you!!

I normally always respect other thoughts!! But two lives could be totally trashed by her speaking to her husband on this,along with the children! What sin is hidden from God??And whose blood is the only one that can cleanse us from ALL!!!!! Un righteousness? OURS????? LOL Colossians 4:6 says Let your speech ALWAYS be with grace, seasoned as it were, with salt, SO THAT!!! you will KNOW!!!!!! how you should respond to EACH PERSON!!! I hope you will take this as a Strong rebuke!!! Not hated of any kind! I love the body of Christ here!! Many wonder why there own lives are in such sorrow right now. The more we think about sin in our own lives, the more we partake of it!

Many do not understand what the righteousness of God truly is!! The church quotes only verse 23 of rom 3!! And this is true!!BUT!!!! read verse 19-22!!!! We are not under the law, we are under the GRACE of Jesus himself!Our works produce nothing!! verse 22 even the righteouness of God THROUGH!!!!! faith! in whom?? Others??? NOPE!!! Christ Jesus and Christ Jesus alone! For all those ( and we are the all those here) believe there is NO Distinction!!

We are already made righteousness by God himself! We need no other to become righteous! Those who think on sin all the time dwell in it,Jesus does not teach this! Peace can never be found in thinking upon sin daily,peace is found by the forgiveness of our sin,and our minds are to think as Phil 4:6-9. Peace comes only through Christ Jesus not anyone else.I hope you will consider this,and not just get mad at me for the rebuke! Even in anger loves comes from it to you all who think she should speak to him.If repenting to the God who made us is not enough for some of you,then perhaps your outlook on Christ Jesus should be examined much more by you!( 2 Cor 13:5) In LOVE!!! I hope you will consider this!
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Yes, God's forgiveness is a sure thing for a repentant heart :)

But there's another perspective that needs to be considered....when and how to make restitution for sin.

Here's a good discussion about whether or not we should confess adultery to a spouse...

www.neverthirsty.org/pp/corner/read1/r00432.html

 
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answers

Guest
#34
#34
I always remind myself when I am conflicted it is because God is weighing on me to do the RIGHT thing, and my sinful human nature is debating the consequence. We are to trust in the POWER OF THE LORD!

Remember God believes in the unity of your marriage. He is not going to fail you. Your husband does have free will, but (sorry if this sounds rude) it is not your right as his wife to deceive him and prevent him from exercising his free will. Let him be your husband, his own man, and put your faith in the lord. You may be surprised in the outcome.

Many have forgave and continue to have great marriages. I have forgave and we have continued to grow. God be with you and your marriage! Said with love.
 
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Brighthouse

Guest
#35
#35
Sister Lucy. A question for you good sister!! Since God has forgiven us of that sin,where is it then? Does God remember it??Humm not according to his Word he does not. psalm 103:11-14 Since we know this is true then why on earth we we wish to have guilt about it? For what purpose? Since we know we cannot by our own blood correct this past sin.

To dwell, or stay in a fault we have already been forgiven for, makes no sense to me. If your son or daughter does something wrong to you,do you hold it against them for a long time? or do you remember it no more? And How is helping that son or daughter by telling others of there past sins? Can this help them? You see what I am getting at here good sister?

Words have consequeces to them,matters not how we feel about it,what matters is from what we say or do not say,judgement is rendered.If she were to tell her husband of her sin, do you think for one second he would not think she had sex with that person??? When we look to anyone other then Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins,we are taking a very big chance!!! WHY??? take that risk???

I do not tell others what they must do or must not do,I only speak about the true meaning of forgiveness! I fully understand what feeling guilty is!!! I served 2 tours in Vietnam. I took lives away from others in that war,do I go to each of the relatives to beg for forgiveness? What security do I have from any of them??NONE!!! So why tell them.

In Jesus I have perfect security!!! I repent,I ask Jesus to wash me with his blood and he does!! How thankful I am!!! If they were to say to me I forgive you,how much assurance from there words do I have that they really do forgive me?? NONE!! I can never truly be sure!! But In Christ Jesus I can be!!( john 15:11-17) I hope this helps!! Blessing to you always sis!
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#36
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#36
I do not converse with a person who is yelling :)
 
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episcopotic

Guest
#37
#37
Brighthouse said:
WHY??? take that risk???
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Forgiveness is not the only reason spouses discuss their past sins.

If I had a drug habit (before I met my wife) that God forgave me for, I would still want to tell my wife, who needs to know what my particular temptations are, what she should look out for, how to help if I'm sliding back into it again, etc.

The same is true of sexual and/or emotional infidelity. My wife needs to know what my particular temptations are, what she should look out for, how to help if I'm sliding back into it again, etc. Without this knowledge, your spouse can't help you. And if your spouse can't help you with something so important, they're really not your spouse.

Perhaps you're not tempted these days to go shooting more Vietnamese people. But if the problems that led to infidelity haven't been addressed, it is probable that infidelity, or at least the temptation, will arise again. A couple either meets temptation together or on their own; one of these is more likely to succeed than the other.
 
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Brighthouse

Guest
#38
#38
Was not yelling at all Lucky. Large words does not mean yelling to me,I do not yell. Large words only mean to pay attention to them.Sorry if you took this as yelling. Thanks for your forgiveness sis.
 
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guymanuel

Guest
#39
#39
I have seen wives destroyed after husbands told them that they cheated on them. I played in role for them confessing. After all these years I think I take a different view. You must ask yourself, who will benifiet from this confession? You or your spouse? The wives that after their husbands confessed to, not only left their husbands but also left the faith. They were heartbroken. The husbands came to their wives just having the understanding that their wives being Christian just has to forgive them and move on with their marriage. First, you need to know your spouces true heart to this faith in Christ. Are they really strong enough to understand this confession? If you truly repented to God, then you are forgiven, all sin has been put away as far as the east is from the west. So who will this benifiet? You or your spouce? Before doing so, please seek God more about it before doing so, it could destroy your marriage and your spouce.
 
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