Recovering Atheist, seeking guidance.

Hello all,

My name is Rachel. I turned 21 in November. I was raised Roman Catholic and after the death of two loved ones, lost my faith during my teenage years. Over the past few months, I've felt a real calling back to the Church - specifically, I feel like Saint Michael is calling out to me. I'm not sure why. I just feel as though that's what's occurring. I feel the need to pray and to go back to Church. I was a staunch Atheist for a while that slowly waned into Agnosticism. Now I'm not sure what to call myself. I wholeheartedly believe in God and I want so badly to have Him back as the central part of my life... I'm just having real trouble here. The people that I associate with are Atheists, it's everywhere I turn. They laugh and scoff over the idea of religion. They want nothing to do with it and talk down upon the believers. My family's interest in their faith has declined just the same.

I feel so lost. I'm not sure where to turn. I know it's silly and very childish of me to fear the reaction of my friends and family, almost to the point where I want to keep it secretive. I had a bad time in the past few years where I was drinking and doing recreational drugs, things I've gotten away with. I now channel my stress into working out and nutrition but with that - the need for God has come back to me.

I'm not sure where to turn.

My boyfriend is an Atheist and said he would attend Mass with me at my former Church but he thinks it's simply because I want to have a bit of nostalgia and because, laugh at me now, I said I like the smell of frankincense and the stained-glass windows. Really, I want to go back - but at this point, I'm considering going alone. I've looked up Bible studies, I've been reading more and more, but I'm not really sure where to turn.

I've come here in hopes of helping to strengthen myself. Thank you.

You know what? I really like that you are going lengths to seek Christ. He will bless you for that Welcome to the forums! I hope we can bless you, as much as you can for us! I can just tell that you want God, and that is amazing :]

first, please remember that we are told, if we acknowledge GOD before man CHRIST will acknowledge us before GOD, however, if we deny (and that includes being secretive about your beliefs in HIM) GOD before men, CHRIST will deny us before the Father.
now, i am not certain you will find what you are looking for in the catholic church. consider this...if they had taught you the truth about GOD from the beginning, you would never have stumbled in your faith to begin with. if i were you, and had a strong desire to attend a church, i would seek for one where the unbridled truth is taught, if such a place can be found. mostly, ask GOD to guide you and teach you and read HIS Word daily. it is good to start in genesis and read straight through to revelation. seek GOD out of love and a desire to obey HIM, dont attend church because you miss it.

You dont have to go to church all the time remember the scripture the women at the well..when Jesus said there will be a day when everyone will worship all over...and the best part is God will never forsake us no matter how we are....once we make a mistake all we need to do is ask God to forgive us..the best part is he will do that...
When we Mess Up on anything
John 14:13
And whatever you shall ask in my name,
that will I do, that the Father
may be glorified in the Son.

We can pray any where we want to
John 4: 20-21
The Women at the Well
Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain;*
but you people say that the place to worship is
in Jerusalem.”h 21Jesus said to her, “
Believe me, woman, the hour is coming when
you will worship the Father neither on
this mountain nor in Jerusalem.