Thats a big question, n a big problem... Im sure you both fully love each other, and im sure ur husband is very sorry for his actions, but unfortunatly the consequences for infedelity can be very difficult to live with and it will be a process to walk through - i believe. Unfortunately for men, it usually just comes down to urges, and they never intend to hurt their partners, nor do they EVER want thier spouses to feel the way they do when they find out. (we can be like dumb animals sometimes!) The act damages a wifes self esteem, "why did He do it - im i not good enough for Him?" but also destroys trust, which is one of the most important elements in marriage. One thing i would say though Sassafras is dont take it personally, which i know is not easy, your husband is the one with the problem and its something he needs help with. In fact its really sad also because the man that has this problem suffers even more than the one he cheats on! because ultimately if he is unable to curb his desire, or submit to the dealings of God, and work through this stuff with his wife and church leadership/counscil, then it wil end up destroying the very thing He desires - and he will be alone. thats really sad. and im not negating the difficulty for you, but this kind of thing is just as much a curse for the cheater as it is for the cheated on
You guys are in this toghether though, and it can be worked through, but its not easy, and when you do get through the thick of it, your husband still needs to have things in place so he is accountable, so it never happens again. he needs to talk about his feeling, desires, lusts, and probably not with his wife... it can make things worse, and you both need someone who you trust that he can talk to about these things(a male, in leadership or anointed to deal with these things). unfaithfulness is rife in the world and in church but more importantly in the hearts of men and women, and we all need to become faithful to God in our whole hearts, because cheating in marriage is just the result of a deeper unfaithfulness of the heart where we are not faithful to God alone but have "other gods" and things we put before Him - and sometimes it can even be our partners. sorry if i got a bit off track, but my advise would be to work through it, but also look for outside help if you need to, and if your husband is to embarrassed to let anyone else know he needs to realise that this is just one of the consequences for such an action. (but be very selective who u let know, and only let those know who are going to directly work with you on the issue - you dont want gossips making it even harder for you than it already is!) hope this helps
Tony.
