struggling for God

Hi everyone. I am really struggling with a decision. I chose my screen name because I have to fight for my relationship with God. My husband only let's me go to church when he says so. He doesn't want anything that takes my time away from him. I stayed with him, cause I thought that was what God wanted, because I made my husband holy. And if he wants to stay, I have to. I have put up with everything, from infidelity to verbal abuse. But, I am so tired if fighting and fighting for my relationship with God. I cater to his every need. I let him do what he wants. I don't preach at him. He won't go to marriage counseling, because he thinks I'm the only one with the problem. I have been praying and now I am seeking Godly council. That is why I'm here and to make new friends, since my husband won't let me talk to mine.

Are you happy with your marriage? If not, I think you need to step away from it and reevaluate your situation. God wants our husband to love us as Christ loves his church.

No, I am miserable but I thought God was going to use me to win him. And by staying I was sanctifying him. But, I see now that I'm only enabling him. Plus it will be hard on the kids.

Isn't marriage DIFFICULT. I think the culture we live in makes it so much more complicated. God says that the union made with marriage is so much more than what our culture says it is, and breaking it is not to be done. God says that he wants us to live in Shalom, that is the purpose of most of what the bible is talking about. For us both here and in heaven. It is so hard to balance those two ways of living for the Lord.

I have noticed that God gives instances of helping abused women. God does not want us to be abused, and I think there are levels of importance in God's instructions to us. God tells us to be submissive, and God is against our abuse. The submissiveness is second in importance. Not to be discounted at all, but second.

Here is a link to a workshop about the Christian woman handling abuse in the Christian way. http://www.abigails.org/Workbook.pdf

Your husband can’t stop you from talking to the Lord (in your heart) and listening to him. Actually, he can’t stop you from doing whatever you’d like, legally, or morally. If he has been unfaithful to you, you are no longer bound to him:

But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matt 5:32 RSV

If he is dangerous, you can go to the police, or other organization that might help you. It’s up to you what you want to do.

I need to share this with you. I stayed and am currently in my 34th year of marriage. Similar to yours but not exactly alike.

I stayed in it for God first....who has blessed me in so many ways just very recently. I look back and I feel like it was a test, that I passed. But realize I may be in my next test, and it's even harder this time.

Last week was our 34th wedding anniversary and it was just sad, but hopeful. I have had this feeling that this time next year will be so special that God will have fixed my marriage. But....I also realize that though I have Jesus and let him lead me every step of the way, I am prepared that this could be the devil and not God who is telling me it will be wonderful next year. Satan might just think this is the way to break me, but I won't let anything break me from God.

I have never shared anything with anyone about what I went through. Only God knows. But I will say that I have opened up to my adult daughters and let them know that there has been trouble in the marriage and that I am the one who is working along with God to save it. This has been just the last 2 years that they know we have had major issues we are still dealing with. Primarily because he would never deal with it. Then I got him into counseling but the counselor gave up on him.

Today my daughter was back in town and gave us our anniversary card. I would like to share it. It felt like God blessed me all over again.

Mom and Dad,

Children seldom understand the trials their parents face, the dreams deferred, or sacrifices made until one day when they are grown with grown-up-choices, too, and realize the debt they can't repay.

Only you two know all that's gone into your marriage or how many challenges you've faced. But I know how much I love you for all that you've done to stay together. It couldn't have been easy to keep your patience, your sense of humor, but you always pulled through. And in the process, you taught me a lot about the power of commitment, the importance of family, and how to get by in a less- than - perfect world. I am very proud of you for that. Happy Anniversary

I hope my post helps you somehow to make the decision that is right for you. God Bless

That was beautiful and now I feel bad. I ended it today. But, once he left, I felt peace. Like everything was gonna be okay. I'm praying hard on where to take it from here. Every situation is different. And, I just couldn't take it anymore. Now, I feel like I can grow in God without anyone stopping me.

Marriage is meant to be safe. If you're being abused, you are not safe. If there is rampant infidelity, you are not safe. I don't encourage divorce. God doesn't want His children beaten down, battered and destroyed. My mom was horribly abused by my stepdad for many years and she finally left him. When we cleaned out the master bedroom, where he stayed as she slept in the room next to mine, there were countless porn magazines under the sink. Verbal abuse and physical abuse and infidelity...unsafe. My mom and I had to leave the house on foot many times and go to WalMart or anywhere to keep away from him when he was angry. Now, he is not even seen in our lives. God has delivered us.

I am not an expert and I can't say anything other than my opinion, but here is my thought on my own life: No one, and I mean NO ONE, is keeping me away from God. If I want Him, I'll have Him, and I will leave anyone behind that tries to get between Him and I.

I pray that you find peace and that God grants you the true direction He has for you and your marriage. God bless you and keep you and give you peace.

I hope I did the right thing. I know I hurt him.

If you listened to God...you did the right thing for your situation. I have heard God several times and He has not told me to leave my marriage. If He did I would of just left. It would of been easier. However, I have not been physically abused. Just emotionally but then God has fixed that part.

Anyway, your in my prayers.

God is so good! By me breaking my husband, God was able to reach him, and he got saved!

I felt like he was telling me to end it. I knew God was gonna use me, but I had no idea. It would involve me hurting him. I chose my God over my husband, and he has finally answered my prayers!

I knew God would come through for you. God Bless you and as we know, the only right thing to do, is chose God over everything and listen closely to what ever direction he is leading us.

So very happy for you. Don't be a stranger and come back and help someone else when you can, that's how I try to pay back God for everything he has done for me. Of course I know, I could never do enough.

uhm....not meaning I helped you in your situation. You listened to God and you know God, but come back because some don't know and hear God as well as you do.