Well, as easy as it sounds, but as hard as it is, you can't go by your feelings. That's where faith comes in. We are called to have faith, not feel. Of course God gave us feelings and emotions but we have to discern them. I'm terribly sorry you feel this way. We have the power to live a life free of condemnation but it's something that I've struggled with also. Feeling as if the sacrifice of Jesus laying down His life was real but just not for me, that I didn't deserve it. Well heck of course we don't deserve it. I'm still trying to understand, grasp it and let it "click" Do not claim that you have OCD or anything like that. God is more than able and more than enough. I believe God is all you need. You have the power and authority in the name of Jesus, you just have to keep taking those feelings under the obedience and power of Jesus Christ... YES, it gets tiring but the battle belongs to the Lord. Keep trusting Him. I'll be praying for you. You will over come this. I know that there is something God has brought you out of that you can think about... remind the enemy about it. Remind him where he is going. If you have repented of your sins, and believe that Jesus is Lord and he died and rose again you are not going to hell. Jesus has forgiven you. You are precious and so very much loved. When God reads your book He doesn't see you and what you've done, all the bad is covered in RED. Keep fighting doll, you ARE going to be ok. Cheer up buttercup