I WANT MY LIFE BACK

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jeaniebeanie

Guest
#1
For the last thirty years I have battled with feelings of going to HELL. These feelings have not subsided no matter what I do, and I am angry at God for allowing this to happen to me. I have not been able to work, never was able to get married or have children. My passion was teaching and even that was taken away from me. I feel hopeless, helpless, discouraged and betrayed. My story is much longer. This is the condensed version.
 

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#2
For the last thirty years I have battled with feelings of going to HELL. These feelings have not subsided no matter what I do, and I am angry at God for allowing this to happen to me. I have not been able to work, never was able to get married or have children. My passion was teaching and even that was taken away from me. I feel hopeless, helpless, discouraged and betrayed. My story is much longer. This is the condensed version.

There is no easy way to solve all our problems but if you surrender them all to God then you will realize its all nothing because we are nothing without God. He is greater than all our problems so why not trust and love Him with all that you have. With all your heart and strength and all your soul.
 
Jun 19, 2011
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#3
I have felt the same way in my life. I had a lot of fear about Hell. Is it possible that you have OCD? it may be something you want to consult a professional about.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#4
I agree with JJ, talk to your doctor about it and see if you can get some help

And of course, talk to God about it too

"This the pow'r of the cross: Christ became sin for us. Took the blame, bore the wrath. We stand forgiven at the cross"
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#5
I'm in agreement as well, it sounds like an OCD issue. Go seek a professional to see if you are diagnosed with it.
 
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Stevenmd

Guest
#6
Jeanie. I know how you feel and in fact feel my life has been a nightmare. Yet I rejoice because I know the saints before me have been abused the same way. No doubt if we were to compare notes you will be surprised how much in common we have concerning oppression. I cannot count how many times I have said to God I will never speak about you again. But every time after I cried from abuse I was right back speaking about my true love. For me, better is one day in Gods courts than a thousand else ware.
I have a few suggestions. 1 - John 6:43 states “They will all be taught by God.’ IF you are not being taught who and what Jesus is by God the Father you are being led astray. It seems most think I listened to the preacher and God taught me through him. Don't be deceived.
2 - There is no condemnation in Jesus. This is true but again many use this as justification for you to ignore your conscious (awareness of God). If you are sinning you should feel bad because the wages of sin is death. Personally every time I go astray I feel like I have died.
3 – we were never promised a cakewalk. In fact scripture says many times in every gospel, and through new and old testaments: you will be hated by all men; if the world hates you remember they hated me first; Luke 12:51do not think I came to bring peace but division; WARNING because of the increase of wickedness the love of most will grow cold. I can list a hundred scriptures on this subject.
Hold on to your faith do not let go and loose what you have worked for. 2John 8

You are being tested to prove your faith true.

Even the patriarchs were tested this way. Isaac cried out concerning Joseph “the whole world is against me."

Romans 11:3 “they have killed all you prophets and I am the only one left” but in fact there is a remnant left and it is the same way today.

4 – There is only one positive statement about mans medicine or doctors. “I have a friend named Luke, and he is a doctor”. All other verses on this subject say your medicine is worthless - - only God heals.

I will challenge anyone to show me a scripture that says different.

You are being oppressed if you are true believer. The world will try to convince you, you are depressed – ocd which is psychosis. (lose touch of what is real) It is normal to feel sad from loss. You have defiantly described the most serious kind of loss. Yet the world is trying to convince you they have done nothing wrong. God will help you and if you like I will try to encourage you with scripture, but if you don’t find way to deal with the loss by doing the things God commands for you to do (love your neighbor, think on good things, if a thief steals you coat, give him your shirt also) you will lose track of what is real.
For the record President Clinton stated in address to the nation High percentage I think 70 or 80 % of all Americans are clinical depressed. when you turn your back on God you defiantly loose track of what is real.

Finally the epistles of 1 – 2 = and 3 John are filled with ways to test yourself if your faith is true.
James 1:~3 says anyone lacking wisdom should ask God and he will answer your question without finding fault. But you cannot doubt because doubt will robe you of the wisdom God gives you.
May God bless and give you peace Dave
 
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bluebirdchaser

Guest
#7
Hey there, welcome. First off I don't think the feeling like you're going to Hell feelings are your fault anymore than they are God's. Sometimes fears and anxieties they lie to us. Not to say that you're feelings aren't valid, but sometimes they can seep over everything. Fear says that you are damned.God says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. If you're in Christ Jesus, then you are saved no matter what you feel. It's so difficult to believe when everything in you is telling you otherwise, but it is one hundred percent true I promise. That promise applies to you too.
 
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Prayz

Guest
#8
Well, as easy as it sounds, but as hard as it is, you can't go by your feelings. That's where faith comes in. We are called to have faith, not feel. Of course God gave us feelings and emotions but we have to discern them. I'm terribly sorry you feel this way. We have the power to live a life free of condemnation but it's something that I've struggled with also. Feeling as if the sacrifice of Jesus laying down His life was real but just not for me, that I didn't deserve it. Well heck of course we don't deserve it. I'm still trying to understand, grasp it and let it "click" Do not claim that you have OCD or anything like that. God is more than able and more than enough. I believe God is all you need. You have the power and authority in the name of Jesus, you just have to keep taking those feelings under the obedience and power of Jesus Christ... YES, it gets tiring but the battle belongs to the Lord. Keep trusting Him. I'll be praying for you. You will over come this. I know that there is something God has brought you out of that you can think about... remind the enemy about it. Remind him where he is going. If you have repented of your sins, and believe that Jesus is Lord and he died and rose again you are not going to hell. Jesus has forgiven you. You are precious and so very much loved. When God reads your book He doesn't see you and what you've done, all the bad is covered in RED. Keep fighting doll, you ARE going to be ok. Cheer up buttercup :)
 

jogoldie

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#9
Well, as easy as it sounds, but as hard as it is, you can't go by your feelings. That's where faith comes in. We are called to have faith, not feel. Of course God gave us feelings and emotions but we have to discern them. I'm terribly sorry you feel this way. We have the power to live a life free of condemnation but it's something that I've struggled with also. Feeling as if the sacrifice of Jesus laying down His life was real but just not for me, that I didn't deserve it. Well heck of course we don't deserve it. I'm still trying to understand, grasp it and let it "click" Do not claim that you have OCD or anything like that. God is more than able and more than enough. I believe God is all you need. You have the power and authority in the name of Jesus, you just have to keep taking those feelings under the obedience and power of Jesus Christ... YES, it gets tiring but the battle belongs to the Lord. Keep trusting Him. I'll be praying for you. You will over come this. I know that there is something God has brought you out of that you can think about... remind the enemy about it. Remind him where he is going. If you have repented of your sins, and believe that Jesus is Lord and he died and rose again you are not going to hell. Jesus has forgiven you. You are precious and so very much loved. When God reads your book He doesn't see you and what you've done, all the bad is covered in RED. Keep fighting doll, you ARE going to be ok. Cheer up buttercup :)
This baby sister is so right.....could have done without the buttercup.....lol....
This is wise advice.....and im proud for our youth here......you are sweet.......peace jo
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
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Tennessee
#10
For the last thirty years I have battled with feelings of going to HELL. These feelings have not subsided no matter what I do, and I am angry at God for allowing this to happen to me. I have not been able to work, never was able to get married or have children. My passion was teaching and even that was taken away from me. I feel hopeless, helpless, discouraged and betrayed. My story is much longer. This is the condensed version.
We all have a story to tell. If you have given your heart to the Lord you are not going to hell. It is God's will and desire that no one shall perish but all should have everlasting life with Him. Believe me, I understand a lot of what you have gone through and I have said a prayer for you to have life and have it more abundantly.

There are a lot of good people here that are willing to listen to you and to help comfort you. God Bless You.
 
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jeaniebeanie

Guest
#11
I have been to professionals for all these years and all they do is give me meds which in many cases make the situation worse. All doctors have confirmed that I am not schizophrenic or have OCD. They say I am clinically depressed. But none of the meds work. I need God to perform a miracle. I am tired of suffering.
 
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jeaniebeanie

Guest
#12
I have seen professionals and I do not have OCD or schizophrenia. According to doctors, I am clinically depressed but NONE of the meds have worked. I need a miracle from GOD!!!
 
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jeaniebeanie

Guest
#13
I have gone to many doctors and no one has been able to help me. I am not schizophrenic or suffering from OCD.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
#14
I have seen professionals and I do not have OCD or schizophrenia. According to doctors, I am clinically depressed but NONE of the meds have worked. I need a miracle from GOD!!!

​Please click on the link below in my signature to read my depression thread. It is my true story of my lifelong struggle with depression. Several people here who have read it have messaged me saying how it has inspired and blessed them. Please read it, for I know it will help you also. :) Feel free to pm me anytime if you need to talk or vent. :)
 

DaveTheRave

Senior Member
May 28, 2014
125
8
18
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#15
I have seen professionals and I do not have OCD or schizophrenia. According to doctors, I am clinically depressed but NONE of the meds have worked. I need a miracle from GOD!!!
Dear God,
I ask for a miracle. I pray that jeanie would no longer have depression. Thanks that you love her so much. I command the spirit of guilt and anxiety to leave her in Jesus' name. I ask that she would know that you love her so much. Amen :)
 
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Stevenmd

Guest
#16
I agree with Prayz.

If you don't belief, have faith, God will do what he promised you will never have peace.

He said concerning men "If your brother sins rebuke him, and if he repents forgive him. if he sins against you 7 times in a day and 7 times comes back to you and says I repent, forgive him." How much more will God do for us than what he expects us to do for those that harm us. "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all righteousness. Repentance is required.

this thread is based on statement I battled with FEELINGS of going to HELL. Anger is a feeling, yet there are many especially in Christian community say anger is a sin. Yet Jesus said "be angry but don't sin." It is normal to feel anger when someone does wrong to you.

you said "I have seen professionals and I do not have OCD or schizophrenia. According to doctors, I am clinically depressed but NONE of the meds have worked. I need a miracle from GOD!!!" Isay stop turning to the world for God's miracle. They are you enemy against Christ. More than this from your statement they are splitting hairs and playing word games. Clinically depressed and Schizophrenia both include loss of touch of reality. I believe you are oppressed. Oppression and depression have the same symptoms but oppression is caused by bad people doing bad things. The world will never admit this. A good example of clinical depression might be a woman has a wonderful family that encourages, supports and nurtures her. Yet she believes they hate her. she got this way because a man did bad things. but instead of forgiving she nurtured hatred. in the end she projects this hatred onto even the people that love and care about her.

The losses you expressed above are essential life giving things you need. as essential as air and water. I believe you are bereaved. (to be deprived or to take away from usually forcible.) There is not a pill in the world that can replace these things. It is known fact because of orphanages serving aftermath of war; children and especially infants that are feed and clothed, but never touched, hugged or spoken to because there is not enough help, DIE.

I hope you realize all the people reaching out to you here are mourning with you knowing you are hurting wishing we could do more than send you a note to encourage you.

May God bless and sustain you.
 

Garfield20

Senior Member
Aug 14, 2014
249
2
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#17
oh to see the dawn of the darkest day Christ on the road to calvary tried by sinful man torn and beaten then nailed to a cross of wood this the power of the cross Christ became sin bore the wrath we stand forgiven at the cross now daylight flees now the ground beneath quakes as its maker bows his head curtan torn in two dead are raised to life FINSHED the victory CRY
 
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bluebirdchaser

Guest
#18
I'm praying for you, too.
 

longtrekker

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
396
194
43
#19
This was my first thought as well - OCD
Speaking as one who has endured this condition in a fashion myself...
 

longtrekker

Senior Member
Sep 23, 2014
396
194
43
#20
Sorry - having read further I appreciate you've considered the OCD option....

'Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.'