Is love unchanging or does it become deeper?

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Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
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#21
I’m going to answer this from a different angle. Seventeen years ago I encountered someone whose heart and capacity to love was otherworldly. It was the sort you see in movies or read in poems. And as our acquaintance grew and we began to connect on other planes. The reality of what we’d found and the mutuality of our expression and depth were like nothing we’d ever done.

The words that flowed from each possessed a beauty and purity we’ve yet to reach with someone else. It was truly our spirits and souls communing and praising the love we had. What we were experiencing was the reality of multiple facets of love descending at once. And because we were wholly transparent, vulnerable and accepting. We were free to indulge our love without shame.

Our professions would inevitably lead to a vow of togetherness until our final breath was drawn. We have never ceased to love the other through the seasons and challenges. We’ve permitted the rubber band to stretch in frustration but we always find our way back to center.

Through our bond we learned the meaning of love and found our way to agape. We often felt our connection was divine but once we knew it was so the truth was very humbling. Today we are akin to a wine well aged. It’s smooth and soothing. We aren’t hampered by expectations or demands. We exist in knowing and being.

It was always our hope (and plan) to find a complement. One who’d touch our depths just the same. But we discovered it was a unique way of relating and the other was equally so. They needn’t mirror one another to fit the bill.

I likened my pair to Janus and it’s an appropriate descriptor. For each have seen my nakedness and didn’t look away. They drew me in. The strength of their person and my commitment to their welfare; compels me to go beyond myself for their benefit without complaint.

I have loved none like the two, Or sacrificed and denied myself in the measure I’ve done for them each. And much like I poured into her to help her heal over 7 years. I did the same on his behalf for the same tenure. I didn’t realize that until now.

I remember when I felt him encroaching on her place and the fear I experienced at what it meant. It wasn’t due to eros. It was agape coming in. And I knew it would never leave and I’d carry him with me always.

For me, love is more than words. Much like the song says. But it isn’t devoid of expression. Love traverses me to a plane above the norm and I’m not afraid to laugh, cry, or suffer on their behalf. I think Gibran says it best in this stanza:

To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.


That’s the love I found. The one I show. The only way I know to love. With all I am to them through Him.
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#22
How do you view love, in relationships? Is love a steady state, a state of being that is unchanging, or can it become deeper? Does anyone actually grow deeper in their love or is it just a matter of... being? Am I making sense?

You love someone with your whole heart. This love is eternal, it is... I am having such a hard time expressing this thought, haha. Maybe the third paragraph will cut it, let’s try again.

“I love you.” This is an expression of what I feel in my heart. Does this feeling become stronger or even weaker or does it remain the same as black and white does? You either love someone or you don’t, but you don’t become more in love. Right? Or wrong? Does a deeper level of love, if we say it can change, translate to a tangible difference in one’s actions or is it just the singing of the heart, a tad louder?

I am trying to understand if people view love as something that just is or something that can fluctuate. I once asked my father this question (he has been married to my mother since they were 21 and they are now 65) and I asked, “Has your love grown deeper over the years?” But he said that it hasn’t changed, he just loves her. My mom says “Love is love.” In other words, it doesn’t change.
Nice question. I've been married only five years after a very protracted singleness. I can tell you that I have developed stronger feelings for my wife over five years. love is a verb, a commitment to do what is best for her (in my case), that doesn't change, but I suppose our desire to be obedient to love can grow stronger like anything else. We can decide to love in more ways.

Having said that, there have been plenty of times I told my wife I love her more each day. I want to express to her that she is very special and appreciated. I wish I knew the answer to your question, but the main thing is to not stop loving, to not stop meeting needs, to fulfill the role we have as husband or wife.
 
Jul 20, 2019
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#23
I am talking from experience here. The last person I had a relationship with for 19 years was a rescue. She wasn't doing well alone financially and emotionally so I rescued her bye sharing a house together. After many adventures, business ventures and travelling we finally settled in one city. The physical aspect of the relationship stopped after a few years and we had seperate bedrooms. In all that time it was a brother/sister sort of thing. I don't recommend going down that path, there is better. Love between the two grows more and more as time goes by, getting to the point where the idea of being apart or separating is simply impossible . The brother sister type relationship isn't really recommended. Now I am looking for that soulmate, but alas I think I have left it to late
 
Jun 12, 2020
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#24
I am talking from experience here. The last person I had a relationship with for 19 years was a rescue. She wasn't doing well alone financially and emotionally so I rescued her bye sharing a house together. After many adventures, business ventures and travelling we finally settled in one city. The physical aspect of the relationship stopped after a few years and we had seperate bedrooms. In all that time it was a brother/sister sort of thing. I don't recommend going down that path, there is better. Love between the two grows more and more as time goes by, getting to the point where the idea of being apart or separating is simply impossible . The brother sister type relationship isn't really recommended. Now I am looking for that soulmate, but alas I think I have left it to late
You're right, you know what is in your heart but can't really know what is in someone else's. That would get revealed over time.
 
Jul 20, 2019
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#25
You're right, you know what is in your heart but can't really know what is in someone else's. That would get revealed over time.
you can "feel it" and so can they. Its just a matter of them doing something about it. I am an empath though.
 

Prycejosh1987

Well-known member
Jul 19, 2020
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#26
The answer is both. Foundations on love that grows deeper and love that is unchanging are the same. unchanging love grows deeper over time. Its like marriage, it gets better with age they say.