A
I know this is a very taboo subject, and trust me when I say that I am more uncomfortable sharing this than you are reading this. Some people struggle with porn, others with drugs. I struggle with pedophilia.
Let me start with who I am. I am an 18 year old guy in college. I was raised in church my whole life, and I am a Christian. I had one girlfriend --when I was 12; since then I have been single, and for a reason. Let me cut to the chase.. I am exclusively attracted to young girls ages 7-11 (roughly). This all began in 8th or 9th grade I guess, when I just no longer found any girls my age attractive. I don't want this post to be too graphic, but I feel like it's necessary to at least get this off my chest. If you're already creeped out, please skip to the next paragraph. Basically, the way girls' bodies were changing, it just grossed me out. [Note: I am not gay, not have I ever had homosexual thoughts.] Why am I attracted to little girls? I don't know. I wish I wasn't, but I am. Their hair, their eyes, their voice, I can't explain it. I genuinely do not look at them like an 18 year old guy looks at an 18 year old girl. I don't think about having sex with them, I just want to kiss them/hold their hand/be with them. I don't want to hurt them, but I know that's what I would be doing -- scarring them for life. [Note: I know that a children can never give consent, that they aren't sexually mature.] I have never acted on these desires, and I have promised myself is never will. But I just don't know how strong I will be if I find myself in situation where I am alone with a girl.
I read online that in order for someone to be diagnosed with pedophilia, they have to have recurring desires for at least 6 months. Well I am going on 5 years. I have prayed to God for help hundreds of times asking for help. I have tried to look at girls my age and think "pretty", but I'm just lying to myself. I have even read stories about how sexual abuse has ruined a children's lives. I have tried almost everything I can think of, but those thoughts are still there. If a little girl walks by, I get the same butterflies in my stomach that you do when you look at someone attractive.
I need help. Please pray for me.
Let me start with who I am. I am an 18 year old guy in college. I was raised in church my whole life, and I am a Christian. I had one girlfriend --when I was 12; since then I have been single, and for a reason. Let me cut to the chase.. I am exclusively attracted to young girls ages 7-11 (roughly). This all began in 8th or 9th grade I guess, when I just no longer found any girls my age attractive. I don't want this post to be too graphic, but I feel like it's necessary to at least get this off my chest. If you're already creeped out, please skip to the next paragraph. Basically, the way girls' bodies were changing, it just grossed me out. [Note: I am not gay, not have I ever had homosexual thoughts.] Why am I attracted to little girls? I don't know. I wish I wasn't, but I am. Their hair, their eyes, their voice, I can't explain it. I genuinely do not look at them like an 18 year old guy looks at an 18 year old girl. I don't think about having sex with them, I just want to kiss them/hold their hand/be with them. I don't want to hurt them, but I know that's what I would be doing -- scarring them for life. [Note: I know that a children can never give consent, that they aren't sexually mature.] I have never acted on these desires, and I have promised myself is never will. But I just don't know how strong I will be if I find myself in situation where I am alone with a girl.
I read online that in order for someone to be diagnosed with pedophilia, they have to have recurring desires for at least 6 months. Well I am going on 5 years. I have prayed to God for help hundreds of times asking for help. I have tried to look at girls my age and think "pretty", but I'm just lying to myself. I have even read stories about how sexual abuse has ruined a children's lives. I have tried almost everything I can think of, but those thoughts are still there. If a little girl walks by, I get the same butterflies in my stomach that you do when you look at someone attractive.
I need help. Please pray for me.