I really want to do it. I am so tired of life and being the weird person from my group. I feel like the closer I get to God, the weirder I am to the rest of the world and I can't fit in. It's impossible to find friends who are like me. Even my family thinks it's weird that I don't drink alcohol. And I have always been this way, since I was in grade school. I've always been weird and viewed as different.
I have tried making Christian friends but it's the same. Even on here, I have met a couple of people and they all of a sudden stop talking to me and I know it's because they think I'm weird. I'm tired of feeling this way.
I have been researching ways to end my life and I really want to even though I know it's wrong. I know it's a sin and there's no guarantee of going to heaven. I just can't live like this anymore. Please pray for me. I don't know what to do. I'm very depressed and sad, I just feel so alone.
Sis, I didn't hear the Gospel in order to know that I could be forgiven and saved until I was 23 yo. I studied psychology since I was 12 but it wasn't until God started to show me the lives of every Saint in the Old Testament that I guess you'd say, I quit looking at all of the horrors I've lived through.
All those that were called to a ministry had lonely lives, for the most part and very hard ones at that. Joseph's story impacted me the most. His brothers wanted to kill him, threw him in a well, got picked up by people that made him a slave. He was a very righteous man, so God promoted him, but then he gets thrown in jail for what he hadn't done to a woman. Stays in jail for 12 yrs, I believe. Interprets dreams for two guys, but the one doesn't remember to put a good word in for him that he gave the correct interpretation to, so he stayed in prison. He never complained. Amazing.
But God had a plan for him and reasons for why God allowed him to go through all of that --- to prepare him to do what no one would have ever expected him to do.
When I used to get depressed, I'd go visit the folks in the Nursing Home and bring them a smile and just talk with them. Talk about 'lonely' -- these folks had no one except people in uniforms that rushed them around and didn't have time to talk to them. I'd always forget my own problems, working with them.
I don't believe that Christianity was ever meant to be a way of making 'friends' - though having just one that you can talk to can be all that we need.
Jesus & Paul had very hard lives, but they knew they were here for a purpose and just kept their eyes on whatever God's mission was for them.
There's something about getting our eyes off of ourselves that empowers us. And by helping others without looking for anything in return.
Suicide is never an option for those that He died for and I know that nothing happens in our lives without a purpose. If we can turn our self-focus and ask God where He wants us to help people - I know that He is very faithful to show us. Once we have others on our minds - we forget all of our own miseries and begin to see that all that's happened in our lives was to make us who we are for a purpose.
Jesus said: Woe unto you when all men speak well of you.
So it's obvious, that we're not to seek that at all.
Maybe you are good with children. Or troubled teens. Only you would know - but I do believe there's a calling on the lives of those that find themselves alone. A.W. Tozer did a great message on this, way back when - I wonder if you could get some good out of it. Here's one link to it
The Saint Must Walk Alone - A.W. Tozer
He has a purpose for you and "thou shalt not kill" is a part of that beautiful purpose.
God Bless you richly as you journey through this not-always-easy-life with the rest of us and we'll all meet up in His Pure-Loving Presence together & in His timing, one glorious day. In your patience, possess you your soul!
With Love!
