strength and wisdom

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R

RLFarrar

Guest
#1
#1
My husband has basically delivered am ultimatum. He's moving his stuff into another room and has announced that he's done with me. I can either accept his new arrangement or I can move out. The one thing I'm certain of is that our marriage isn't failing because of anything I've done but rather in spite of all I've done.

I know for certain that if I move out my mother-in-law will sell the house we're in and my husband will be on his own. She has stood with me and been a prayer warrior for my husband to stay sober and be a good husband and father. She knows how hard I've tried. She often says I have the patience of a saint. I know that's not entirely true but I also know I've done no wrong.

I'm tired. I've held on for so long. I've lived with emotional abuse and remained a good wife despite it. I have my moments (though rare) when I lose my patience with him and we fight. I've waited on him hand and foot. I've lifted him up in prayer. I've examined my faults and worked hard on them to improve myself. I'm getting shit on and I don't deserve it. Our kids don't deserve it either.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Financially it would be much easier on me to leave. Logistically it would be hard. I'm trying not to make any decisions in haste or in the bitterness I feel right now. Please pray for me. I don't even know what specifically I need for prayer either.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
16,300
113
69
Tennessee
#2
RLFarrar said:
My husband has basically delivered am ultimatum. He's moving his stuff into another room and has announced that he's done with me. I can either accept his new arrangement or I can move out. The one thing I'm certain of is that our marriage isn't failing because of anything I've done but rather in spite of all I've done.

I know for certain that if I move out my mother-in-law will sell the house we're in and my husband will be on his own. She has stood with me and been a prayer warrior for my husband to stay sober and be a good husband and father. She knows how hard I've tried. She often says I have the patience of a saint. I know that's not entirely true but I also know I've done no wrong.

I'm tired. I've held on for so long. I've lived with emotional abuse and remained a good wife despite it. I have my moments (though rare) when I lose my patience with him and we fight. I've waited on him hand and foot. I've lifted him up in prayer. I've examined my faults and worked hard on them to improve myself. I'm getting shit on and I don't deserve it. Our kids don't deserve it either.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Financially it would be much easier on me to leave. Logistically it would be hard. I'm trying not to make any decisions in haste or in the bitterness I feel right now. Please pray for me. I don't even know what specifically I need for prayer either.
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Why should you be the one that has to leave? I would give him an ultimatum - either he straightens out or he is the one who is moving out.
 
R

RLFarrar

Guest
#4
#4
How can I actually force him to move out? Even if I told him to I can't physically make him leave. And the matter is compounded by the fact that he believes in his mind that this is his house. In reality is his mom's house.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#5
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#5
RLFarrar said:
How can I actually force him to move out? Even if I told him to I can't physically make him leave. And the matter is compounded by the fact that he believes in his mind that this is his house. In reality is his mom's house.
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Since it is his MOTHER'S house, and not his, then he has no legal right to stay there if she asks him to move out. As tourist said, why should YOU have to leave? HE's the one who pretty much decided he's done with the marriage. Talk to your MIL and ask her to make him leave..if he refuses, get the po-po involved--they will physically remove him if need be. :) oh and btw, be careful of ur language.. the S-word is not a nice word..lol
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#6
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#6
Maybe it is a good thing that he is moving into another room and is done with you. At least you have peace and quiet in your room now. This new arrangement might actually bring you more peace than you have had in a long time.

But I also see that you have children who are abused - your other choice might be hard, but I would make every effort to leave in this case. To that end I pray for you - that the God of wonders show you a way out. That He anchor you through this storm you find yourself in and be your strength both emotionally and spiritually.

I agree with Blue Ladybug - talk to your mother in law and explain that you will have to leave with the children unless she asks him to leave. Maybe she will even help you find a place to go to. Depending on the state you live in, there are shelters that mothers with children can go and stay in for awhile if they are abused. They help you sort things out logistically.
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#7
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#7
Hey my baby......what is the best thing for you and your chidren.......thats what you base your decision on.....
he is a big boy and you are not responible for what happens to him.....to tell you the truth....most people like
him need to fall all the way down....you are helping him maintain this lifestyle.....making it easy for him.....
making excuses for him......he needs to fall and pick himself up.....the minute I packed up and ran....from my
husband...is when he hit bottom....I felt guilty at first....but..thats when he decided to change his life
......but it wasnt till he fell that I started to see real change....thats when alot
of us wake up....when there is nothing left but God......so take care of you and your children....stay close to his family..
if you can.....and if you are praying with this woman....she will help you when you make your decision.......
as always im here for you......love...jo....
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#8
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
113
#8
Lord, we bring this before you, Lord strength and wisdom comes from you please grant this to RlFarrar, Amen
 
R

RLFarrar

Guest
#9
#9
I'm so mad at myself. I don't know why I let myself be used again by a man. I spent years rebuilding my life and raising my son. I bought a house and had financial freedom from debt. Then I began to feel lonely. For want of some companionship I let myself be used and abused only to find myself with a new mess to clean up again only now with 3 kids and two dogs to make it even more challenging. I have debt again from trying to hold it all together while my "companion" drank himself to near death. He never even gave me what it was that I had been lonely for either. He never did love me. How could I have been so stupid???? Why have I dragged my son through this mess? And now I have 2 daughters that have to deal with this mess as well. I hate myself for it.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
16,300
113
69
Tennessee
#10
Don't hate yourself for this. Tell him to leave and find a divorce lawyer. No woman needs to tolerate an abusive husband.
 
R

RLFarrar

Guest
#11
#11
I just so desperately need the prayer. I thought i had prayed about this marriage before going into it. I thought God was answering my prayers. But now I'm so confused. Either God wasn't answering my prayers and I was just going after what i thought I wanted or God has something more I'm supposed to do here. But im afraid as well that staying in this mess is easier than getting out of it and therefore I might once again put words into God's mouth. Clarity and wisdom. Pray for that. I want to do what God wants me to do. I just don't know what that is and I'm afraid I won't recognize it when he speaks.
 
J

jogoldie

Senior Member
#12
Mar 20, 2014
1,616
48
48
#12
Father God I come to thank you for my sister RL......thank you for sending her the Comforter ......for allowing her
to understand the decision that You want for her.......for keeping her close and protecting her from harm.....
for giving her the strength she needs to follow through with Your Will.....I thank you in Jesus' holy name......amen
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#13
tourist said:
Don't hate yourself for this. Tell him to leave and find a divorce lawyer. No woman needs to tolerate an abusive husband.
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​Amen, tourist!! Couldn't have said it better myself. :)
 
R

RLFarrar

Guest
#14
#14
I have never been more confused than i am right now. We spent the day rearranging bedrooms so that we've put distance between ourselves which he said he wants. We haven't been intimate since January yet all of a sudden he showed an interest in me physically. Our 4 yr old interrupted us though. Why would he suddenly act attracted to me? Like I said.....I'm confused. Two nights ago that was my prayer but now. .....I dont know.
 
B

butterfly712

Guest
#15
#15
I'm praying for you and your family,in Lord Jesus name amen.
 
O

OzDavo34

Guest
#16
#16
Praying for you all

God bless
 
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