I'm Tam, I'm new here and I need guidance

Yes, you are right, bless you. I do need to make many distinctions with my feelings and what is the right, Godly, thing to do. When I am mistreated I am shocked because I know how I treat others so although I've lived in this world for 43 years, I'm taken back on why act this way. So then I excuse the behavior and justify it but accept it. Then when it continues even when I know I have adjusted myself I might mention it. Ok that probably isn't really true, what I do is put all fault upon myself by asking if I have done anything wrong, is there more I can do or just tell me what you want from me. So of course the behavior doesn't go away because I don't make them accountable. Lately, I let the bad behavior of others go on for a while then get completely crazy inside with anger, which spirals into further negative thoughts that I truly have a difficult time disbursing, and allowing the thoughts to linger. There are times that I say the lords prayer over and over again just to blanket my thoughts until I become exhausted. I thought I was a good and faithful christian for a long time, I'm very disappointed and confused that I feel I had never had Christ in my life all my life. I feel like all that I was, never was true. I feel this way, but I know it is not true, Satan wants me but I will die before I give him Tam. I don't mean I will take my own life but it's going to be a struggle for me. I have to learn that being upset isn't a sin, revealing those who are intent on harming others is not a sin, protecting myself from danger is not a sin, selecting to stay away from those who are physically and emotionally harmful to me is not a sin, saying no to things I don't agree with under God's law is not a sin, and being under the grace of god doesn't mean I will always be comfortable and I can try harder to live my own life even if it's new and strange. Yes, I just have to keep telling myself that.

I'm a bit unnerved at this time (4:02 pm, Monday March 2, 2015). I told my employers that I would be leaving this evening after 6pm. I arranged for a place to stay and people who will take my few belongings to my car and drive my car to my new place. They were acting as though I'm just quitting opposed to being unable to work because I did what I was told by shoveling the snow and fell down the stairs. The Ohio workers comp is still proceeding with a claim and called my employers so if course they came upstairs to further question me about it. I have decided not to drop the claim but I have not told my employers. I did contact workers comp and told them to please drop the claim. Since they didn't, I will go through with it. My employers have already told me that they lied about having employees and asked me and the other employee to lie as well. I won't do that. I won't make things worse than the already are, but workers comp was designed to prevent employers from treating employees the exact way my employers have treated me. Their harshness with me, their disconcern for my injuries and blaming me for falling because it is now causing them problems with not having legal employees. They said we just want to confirm that we are in agreement that you are dropping the claim, I said there was nothing more I can do. They said if there's anything I need for them to do then please ask... this is from the same people who told me that we are not responsible for you, this is our business and if you can't work then you can't be here, you are an employee nothing more. These are the same people who never offered to help me with any expense that I have paid for since I was injured, told me that I had to go somewhere else to recover and left me upstairs for two days without food and drink after I came from the emergency room then we're angry with me for asking why they did that. They tried to get more of my doctors information and diagnosis when they're not going to pay for anything or even pick up my pain reliever from the pharmacist. Why get my papers when they continue to tell workers comp they have no employees. They made certain to tell me that they were only going to pay me for the days I worked. Of course I will never trust their false concern and statements about asking them for anything if I needed it. I did need something, but they didn't get it. This situation makes me quite uncomfortable in its entirety, but I will press on. This is unfair for me, for other employees and for the residents we are charged to care for. And, yes, I do have a trail of proof that I worked for them, my TB test, first aid and CPR training, the employee expectation list I was given. Plus the trail of medical papers. I have met a case worker, advocate worker and relative of the residents. A livery taxi picked me up and dropped me off for a doctors appointment with a receipt and I've ordered take out six times, so they can not lie. Well, pray for my nervous feelings, my new living place and my overall situation. I am praying for all of you out there with anything that troubles you, your family and your loved ones. Amen

paying, but you go with god and he will guide you !

I'm a little confused with the overall situation from your post now (I'm not a native speaker so idk all these employment terms) but praying for your peace and God's graceful victory in this. God's standard protects the workers... even the Old testament teaches, dont oppress the hireling in his wages, pay him to the full if he is hurt at work, dont deal crookedly with the workers. Praying that He will move on this for a testimony of His justice and watchful eyes that see all that's going on down here. Dont fall into the trap and lie out of fear. Lies will break against their heads.

I am laying my head down in my new place until I am able to save for my house and recover from my injury. But, I could not get my car out of the snow and ice and I also had to leave one of my tubes because it couldn't fit in my ride's car. We will get my car and tube tomorrow. And of course, my employers were standing over me as if I were a criminal. Again they never bothered to help me with my things and asked how quickly I would get the rest of my things, oh but let USD know if you need anything, as if I would trust them. Thank you for your prayers and I'm praying for you all as well.

There are some things in life I want to be wrong in, I don't want to know evil things and evil people, so I wish I was wrong when I find out these are real. I know that's very foolish of me. I know the Lord would rather have a scholar than a fool for a servant. As fore mentioned in my earlier post about my employers being unjust, I knew it better to completely leave and take all of my belongings before perusing my workers comp claim. I had to leave my car behind because it was stuck in the snow and ice, I did ask them if it was OK and let them know when I would get it. Today when the tow truck driver went to get it he was threatened and almost attacked by my employer and his other worker. When the driver returned with my car he told me of the incident then said, I'm glad I'm a Christian but I would have defended myself if they attacked me. God bless him. I assured him I never thought they would have acted that way and that I was sincerely sorry for putting him in that position. So, my work is ahead of me now and I can not allow my fears or weaknesses to detour me. For me, for their future employees and the residents they are charged to care for. Send out your prayers for us all. I am praying for you as well. In Jesus' name I do pray. Amen