I need help.

I intro'd myself yesterday and mentioned this new job i have. I worked 12 hours today, and im sure many people have worked that and more, but by 9 oclock i had lost all focus, I was praying too and talking to Jesus all day but after the 9th hour i was just useless and became a zombie. I have been diagnosed with bipolar and i have never been able to hold down a steady job. This seems like my last chance, and i know idleness is a sin and i dont wan to be lazy, but i feel trapped. The atmosphere of the place is affecting me and i was having very negative thoughts. I think only with Jesus grace was I able to maintain a semblance of my composure. I feel trapped, bound. If I stay I am at the mercy of this place that is starting to make me go bonkers, but if I quit I am just proving that I am lazy and guilty of sloth, but the thought of continuing in this job for months or years at a time is making me sick. I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, I have backslid into some crazy habits (minor self-harm) I had managed to curb for a while. I just don't know what to do, does Jesus want me to stick it out? I don't think I can, I almost know I can't because I was screwing up so much at work today but none of it was seen, regardless if I have to stay in this job (the only one i've managed to get and hold down for any period of time in years.) I just feel like i will go insane. Whats more the management is corrupt and will withhold my earnings if I quit too so all of this would have been for nothing. I just.. don't know what to do, and everyone acts like this job is not a big deal and i need to get over it, but Lord knows I'm trying and it just seems to be getting worse. I need guidance, If Jesus wants me to persist for the sake of not being idle then I will obey and I know God never gives you more than you can handle, but after tonight I feel utterly empty and am filled with anxiety and dread at having to go in again tomorrow, I have only now just managed to calm down and I know I wont be able to sleep tonight. Whats the point of life if you cannot work? How can I provide for a family if I can barely manage to maintain my composure in a single work day? I know its money, but I feel like im only going backwards not forward, and my shame is really the major motivation I am keeping this job. I don't know anymore, and I'm sorry if this is long-winded, any thoughts or prayers are welcome.

OK.....I been in a job or two in my life that made me feel this way.......
I think first......your looking to far ahead.....I can't even begin to count how many jobs I have had...
So thinking you will be there for years is unwise.......second....we don't work for people....
people are not our boss.....God is....I work for God.....when I do my job....that's what I think of...
You have to look at this in a different perspective......God might want you to learn something here....
He put you here for a purpose......and you should stick it out till you find it.....He has a reason for you
to be there........if you quit...you might miss a blessing........when anyon starts a new job....they are lost....uncertain....it takes time to adjust.....you at least have to try more than the first day......you
need to give it a little time.....each day before you go into work....thank God for a good day....
thank Him for understanding.....endurance....ability.........He will help you.....one day....one step....
that's what God tells us......try..........peace ...jo

First of all, drop the guilt and shame. The Lord doesn't do that to us, Jesus doesn't shame us like that, my young brother. That is the devil accusing you. If that job is doing that much harm to you, quit. Find another job. What job is worth going crazy over? The Lord is a Big God, He is our Father and cares for you. He can lead you to another job. Are you able to continue there until God opens a door to another job? If you don't think you can, don't. Call different job services in your area and career centers. They'll be able to help you, too. Please don't worry, That's just wasted energy, dear.

Father God, let our brother Vigil rest in Your great arms of love and may he trust You to lead him to a job that isn't so high-stressed, a place where he can concentrate on his tasks without torment. Jesus, You are faithful and true and I know You answer when we call to You. Let Vigil have perfect peace and not worry at all. Lead him to the place where he can work in peace. Thank You Jesus.

Its been about a month since i've been there, and I have gone in with the attitude of trying to work forGod but I know the place is not Godly, i am also wondering if hes trying to show me/teach me something but im not getting anything out of this but misery and i spend the entire day asking him to guide me according to his will and to show me the path. I guess I just have to keep trying to deal with it, but I really felt like i was going to go out of my mind and I was trying my absolute best but just could not focus. I want to do right by God I really do, but i feel trapped. I know people have had far worse situations and that makes me feel worse, weak and ashamed for not measuring up. Regardless the answer I keep getting from everyone seems to be "just keep doing it till you are okay with it or find something else." But I really don't think I will find anything else, I have almost no practical skills, minimum schooling, and get slightly suicidal after 12 hours of this admittedly very loud and busy place and I think im going to break before that, I just feel overwhelmed and confounded. Thank you for the input, I don't want to whine about this anymore then I have. Thank you for your prayers as well, if you need prayers yourselves let me know. Thank you both, it helps.

Emptiness, Trapped, bad habits, been going through the same thing. been trying to listen to music more and read the bible really slow, I don't get anything when I read really fast and I take more in when I have music playing in the background.

I also think I'm maturing at a really really really slow rate, the tortoise has passed me a few times and I haven't even cross the finish line once. sorry bout this I make myself feel better when I make fun of myself.........

one of the thoughts that made me feel better is that you don't have to impress God........ I Pray that God will Comfort you in your time of trouble b/c he's the only one that knows your pain.

I also pray that you haven't gotten to my point where you lost your passion for practically everything, I stopped doing almost everything, I can't even feel much enjoyment out of eating pizza anymore, it's still alright but I kinda don't care what I eat as long as I don't throw it up.......

I pray that you get some kind of guidance as the Lord probably tried to guide me many times and I've been too stubborn to change. change is something that's been really hard for me.

had more to say but my thoughts leave me even in the most serious situations....

Vigil dear, have you tried job services in the phone book? And also most cities have a career center where they can help you find work. Anything sounds better than what you're doing now, the way it's stressing you out. Some years back my son picked up the phone book and called every single business in the area and asked if they were hiring. And he found several who were hiring. God will open a door for you, I know He will. His love NEVER fails.

Greg I hear you, and honestly I am in the same boat. I used to be into music when I was younger but when my depression matured I lost interest and most of the bands I liked were pseudo underground and heavily varied and now prolly out of date lol. (I was kind of in that phase where Christian rock tried its hand at hard metal.) Regardless Its nice to see some understanding and I will pray for you as you have prayed for me.

Violet that is a good idea, and I think a lot of this is fear. I'm afraid to quit. I know Jesus provides I just have this mentality of trying to be "normal and productive" ingrained so hard into me. Unfortunately I live in South Florida, where if you have no car you are out of luck in most cases. I can take a bus to daily pay but the buses here are notoriously unreliable even if you get there 3 hours early its sort of a dice toss as to whether you will make it. (I have done it before for other jobs and career places here tend to send you very far to areas that the buses don't go too. Basically a Car is a necessity here to maintain a job and I don't have a license)

I do have one small hope that maybe I can make a living off of writing if I can focus on it long enough and with Jesus' bountiful grace but it also seems like a pipe-dream, yet I should have more faith than that I suppose. I'm still new at this... lol

For those interested I just called in and quit, I just could not hack it anymore, I planned on going in today but after not sleeping and as it got closer and I felt my anxiety increase, and after conferring with God I *think* this is what he wants, my mother also said he told her this was the right thing. If nothing else though being in this place has brought me closer to Jesus and God, but I still feel ashamed, and lazy. Regardless I appreciate all your prayers, and I will try to find a new job.

Praying that you will acquire peace of God. amen

Lord bless vigil , by hearing this prayer request, in Jesus name, Amen!

You can get used to longer hours. For 12 years, I worked 11 to 15 hours a day... and one time, 26 hours straight. (It makes a difference when you work for yourself.)