Marriage and alcoholic husband.

My husband is an alcoholic. He can be abusive mentally and has on occasion been physically abusive. I know I shouldn't put up with his behavior. I love him dearly and feel like he needs me. Friday night he went to get A BEER with his boss to talk about work. That was around 430. He text me a few times around 5. Then around 6 I started to text him and tried callin him to see when he would be home. He didn't answer until after 7 and said he would be home soon. An hour later when he wasn't home I was worried and his phone was off. An hour after that I tried to call his boss. I checked the police stations and the hospitals I checked his location on his phone 2 1/2 hours after he said he would be home soon. At this point he would have been at the bar for 4 hours or more. I went there to see if he was ok. He was still in the bar drinking shots. I was furious I had been so worried. I had been home cooked him a big dinner and waited for him. We were supposed to go on a date night. I was so mad I went in and asked him to let me drive him home. I wasn't rude but I wasn't friendly to his boss either. This is a new job for him. When we left he was furious he spit in my face acted like an ass. I drove him home. He stayed mad for a while then was sorry and wanted me near him. I was still furious but slept near him because he needed it. When we woke up he was automatically rude to me. That set me off and we have been fighting since not sleeping together. I love him and he needs help one minute he is sorry the next he is mad. I never know what to expect. I told this whole story because I need advice and lots if prayers. I want to be with him and I need advice on how and what I did wrong and prayers for him he can never admit he does anything wrong

Proverbs 3:5-6

I know EXACTLY how you feel ... because I've been going thru this for the past 11 years. He's a GREAT guy sober, a VERY hard worker, extremely great provider, yet add alcohol and he's an instant jerk!!

He's a heck of a lot better than he used to be let me tell you ... it used to be pure hell! I'm far from perfect either, and just recently accepted Christ into my heart. But I do feel for you, because I know that one cannot argue with a drunk ... it's sad.

Yeah I remember those days. They were no fun. It Got verbally and i think Twice physical. I would to have dinner ready and be waiting . Go to the bar and ask him to come home. I just got to the point i stop making dinner. Did What it was i had to do for me. Although i did understand Being a recovery Alcoholic myself. I just approached the situation a different way. He always went for the bar forst before even coming home . there was times he got off work eary and i be working. He would go to the bar. Small town so everyone knew me and i would find out easily and when know when he was not telling the truth. I just kept praying for him and for God to give Him a wake up call. I also knew my husband when he wasnt drinking and when he was. We all know them truly sober when in drunkness yes and can and is miserable. I just kept in mind , I know this man and this is not who he truly is and go into prayer to god to ask for strength to get thru the evening or night. It wasnt easy at times i had to overlook things and let him learn for himself. A person whom has a problem like this doesnt see it as a problem and to get help they themselves has to want it. if not we can easily push them away. i will pray for you and you should pray for guidance from god on what to do . One thing for me though is i took care of me let God take care of me and i continued to do what needed or had to be done . Continuing my work , hobbies, visiting family or friends . It takes times But he finally woke up and got the picture thank God.!!!!!!

p.s Dont think you are doing anything wrong . Dont let it get to you that way. As Far as spitting in your face well darling that is a little much. As i said will be praying for you!

Thank you both!

I am sorry you are having troubles. I will pray for your marriage. Your husband has to want to change. It can be done, but if he is abusive, and refuses to change...you are going to be the one to pay the price. I will keep praying for you. God bless you and keep you safe. Amen

My advice is to cut him loose.

Awe Sis I hurt for you. Denial is a HUGE one with this. He will deny there is any problem... he is just relieving himself from "stress" - he "needs it" or whatever... excuse upon excuse, lie upon a lie, making you into a bad guy... I've seen this and know how it's like and how much it breaks the heart!
Before I can say anything else, I need to know the following...
1. Is your husband saved?
2. Is there history of alcoholism in his family on any side, or maybe drug abuse? In that case, generational spirits/curses might be involved.

I know a lot of people do not believe generational stuff, but I have seen it and dealt with this demon first hand. This is the reason why alcoholism and other things run in families.

Praying that GOD will lead your every step in this with His wisdom. amen

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I will be praying for you and your husband. I hate to see anyone bound by alcohol. I pray that you will walk in wisdom and that God will give you His love for your husband when you can't love him on your own.

You have done nothing that deserves this treatment. As my pastor said when I went in for counsel on how to deal with my addicted ex-wife, he said, "there are 3 things that do not belong in a marriage. Adultry, abuse and unaddressed addictions.
unfortunately, your husband is batting 2/3rds right now. You need to get out. Plain and simple. It will only get worse and hopefully it won't be at the expense of your face. Either HE checks into a program to surrender this or guaranteed, you will regret it more than leaving him.
Sorry. Voice of experience speaking.

Lord bring changes in the life of inloveandhopeless's husband. Make him a responsible and understanding husband. Bless this couple for your glory in their lives, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

Lord, I pray You would help this person deal with her husband and give her joy in You regardless of her romantic situation. I pray this husband would wake up to realize his relationship with You and his wife is being destroyed by substance abuse and poor decisions. Thank You that YOu offer deliverance. In Christ's Name, Amen.

Thank you all. I just feel like I'm on a roller coaster daily. I love him but I don't amd haven't been getting what I need or feel loved and then there is his addiction problems. I try to be strong because he needs it and the kids do but somedays its so hard and I'm so unhappy. He is saved and yes alcoholism and abuse run in his family.

I'm sorry it took me so long to find this.........I have been where you are.........it was in the beginning of my walk with God........like you .....I was humiliated by the things he did .......my husband was abusive and cruel....But I loved him.......or so I thought......I was so creative in hiding it.........or so i thought.........i was a christian woman and i knew i could fix this ........or so i thought........living on this yo yo string takes a big toll on everyone....I prayed .....i begged....I pleaded with God to help me........then I realized........you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped.......didn't think they needed my help.......This walk we are on....the path is narrow....and we can only change ourselves through God........I realized I was blocking God......keeping Him from doing anything to help me....By carrying on......by making excuses.....by fixing up his messes......I was preventing God from doing what He wantedto do......this thing is to big for you to handle.........this is not for you to fix...........let go and let God take this manwhere he needs to go to bring himself back to God......protect yourself ........you are allowing your children to think this is a way for a wife to live.......that this lifestyle is OK........and acceptable ........break the cycle......give your children theexample of what life is with God......and stop allowing this treatment to be the way of life........allow your husband to falland let God pick him up .....then and only then ........will you and your husband be able to work on forgiveness and put yourfamily in right standing with God..........climb up in Gods arms and let Him take care of you.......find peace.....then and onlythen you will have your victory.......and your children will know how to live the life God intended.........I'm a pm away...I will share my story with you........and share the victory God gave me........peace and love my sister.......jo

Aw sorry to hear about your situation. My brother was an alcoholic one minute everyone's friend, the next depressed, unable to hold down a job or have any semblance of normal life.

He tried to take his own life twice but even that did not jar him sufficiently to realise he had a problem.
Then everything came to a crunch point around 7 years ago with deteriorating health he collapsed and was put into a drug induced coma. Long story he was not expected to survive, now he is free of the addiction but having to live in a residential home due to the long term damage to his body. Nearly 40 years of life drowned in a bottle.

I have told you my story as many alcoholics deny there is a problem even though it is obvious to all around them. Alcoholics can be very selfish and don't easily see the consequences of their actions. It's frustrating, upsetting, sometimes you could strangle them, other times you never want to see them again.

Is there a pastor you can speak to, it's a big thing to handle on your own. He needs to wake up to this situation himself and ask for help, unfortunately this isn't something you can fix for him and the longer it goes on the more he will drag you down.

It may seem mean, but praying that God will bring him to an end of himself and that he cries out for help and the true realisation of the circumstances becomes apparent to him. That God will deal with him graciously and lift him out of this pit and bring about full restoration for both of you.

I prayer for you also that God will give you the wisdom to know what to do and to keep yourself physically and mentally safe. Is there somewhere you could go for a while, maybe for a break yourself from this situation. Are there any charities or groups you could go to for advice. Dont forget to take care of your own needs.

God bless
x

inloveandhopeless, thank you for letting us know about the family history.

In Jesus' name we pray now, that these generational sins and demons are sent under His footstool! Thank you Jesus that they have been conquered at the Cross. Lord we remind these unlawful residents in the land of the promise that this man has been born of the Spirit the moment he believed and he is now a new creature - You have promised us that a child wont suffer any longer for the errors of the ancestors. We humbly ask You Lord to send your most powerful Holy angels to battle them and bind them, and cast them out forever, because they are too strong for us. And we thank You for waging this war on our behalf, that the battle is Yours. Sober this man to repent and worship You, and restore the years the locusts have eaten to his wife and family. Cut all the ties with people who lead him to sin and stir up temptations, even if they are his family let him have nothing to do with them anymore if it is wise in Your sight. in Jesus' mighty name and thank you God for protecting us.

Again, although you know it Sis, I'll say please do not put up with abuse. As long as he is being abusive, even verbally, stay OUT of his reach, walk out of the room, go somewhere or move out if it gets serious. Teach him clearly that although he has your love, he can have access to your company only when he behaves, and then act most gently towards him. Be resolved about this. I am speaking from experience. We have prayed now, although it might take some time, be patient and put your trust in God's final victory.

I just prayed

Things have gotten worse. He pushed me to my breaking point and I made a horrible mistake and lashed out and hurt him. I have become someone I'm not and now he has left. I have mixed feelings over it I know it's probably for the best but I miss the man I feel in love with