L
I tried so hard to be okay and to convince myself it would all go away one day and I would not have these bad feelings in my heart and these thoughts in my head but I was wrong .. I will never be okay . As soon as I go two steps forward I'll just go a million times back . Maybe it's not the devil just ****ing me over, maybe God needs me to be an angel for him and he's trying to let me know. I have to do this .. but what if I'm wrong .. what if God doesn't want me and I have to go to hell . I try to say it's not worth the risk but it is . The one percent chance I can go be an angel and get away from this hell of a life is worth it . So I guess I'll do it . Maybe it will work this time . Maybe I can find my happiness in heaven because I sure as hell didn't find it here on earth and I tired of waiting around for something that's not even guaranteed to happen. Guess we're not all blessed .. I guess some of us are just lessons learned instead.
xo
xo