UPDATE
Please also keep Lynn in your prayers for healing. Here below is the update, and a praise of God for hearing our supplications for John. Do not stop praying for him.
Tired, and a bit back to trying to avoid total freak out again, so I'm going to see if I can cut down on verbiage.
John's no longer having his heart pumped for him. His heart is back in business. While they were doing that procedure, they did thorough reviews of what damage was done. If those stents didn't work, he'd be dead. He only had a 10-15% chance of making it to get it done last Saturday. As in, amazing he's still alive, but the stents are working beautifully. (Someday, I'll find out how many for sure, but I think he had three put in.) The heart is working well, but there was damage.
First, several muscles types make up the heart. One type holds the heart together. There's a substantial tear in one of them. He's too weak for surgery yet, so they're hoping it improves some while he's still recuperating. Second, one of his valves leaks. It will need fixing. This means he will need open-heart surgery, but they're holding off until John's breathing on his own. Sounds like he has to get to the point where he's no longer critical. He's just too weak now.
The news that floored me is that he had a 10-15% chance of surviving that first day, but he is all the way up to 50% now. I'm an optimist. I really was thinking it was 80-90% now. I could breathe the last few days because of that. I know God's in control. I still think he has given me enough hints that John will survive, but I've never really was good at reading God's signs until after the fact.
Stupid stuff that runs through my mind, and I feel terribly guilty about:
1. I'm disabled. I don't know how long I can go with visiting him every day. By the time I come home, I am so sore, I can't do anything for an hour or two, but I have to because it's dinner time, and he'd be mad if he thought I was skipping/skimping on dinner. (I'm also very hungry too.) I'm the only good thing he gets right now. (Not conceded as that sound, but in the four hours I was with him today, they catheterized him twice with a flushing out because of blood clots in his urine twice. They tell me that's not related to his heart and it's no big thing, but I see what they're doing and hear them figuring out what to do, and it sounds like not a good thing, even if it's not as bad as a heart attack. So, seriously, if every time you wake up, some strangers are hovering over you -- poking, prodding, sticking fleeced boots on your feet, taking them off, changing your position but telling you to stay still, or doing something painful to you -- isn't any familiar loved one going to be the best part of your day?)
2. I lived on my own for two years before I met John, so I know how to open a jar and do the basics of daily home care, but I also lived in an apartment, so if something went wrong, all I had to do was call the landlord. A pilot light went out on the stovetop. Yes, I know you lift up the stovetop to relight. Not a problem. But there were two metal bars holding it up, when I did this. I didn't know how to lower them, but had to, so I think I broke them, because the stovetop isn't exactly in place now. It's down. I can cook on it, but this is the kind of thing John always dealt with, and I don't know how. Anyone know a place I can ask? Both my neighbors are as unmechanically-inclined as I am, so I really could use a place to ask, the next time I do something like that. Our exit drain (where all our pipes, including the back yard drain, sends used water out) clogs up sometimes. About twice a year. I've done the math. It should clog up before he comes home. I can't even remember what that thing is called to get a tutorial on it on You Tube. (It's not a trap. That's all I know.) I'd like him to come home to a real house, not a burnt down mess or a Super Fund toxic site.
3. Insomnia! Mine is chronic. So far, I'm on the good side -- awake during the day and can sleep at night. But it is very cycler and has a specific pattern to it. The bad side is approaching.
4. Guess what this one is. "50% chance!" You know how they say there's a moment when people first wake up before they remember the bad stuff going on? Not me. First thought I have is "John!"
So much for cut down on verbiage, huh?
fighting for u my friend
