I grew up with parents who you had to be careful around. If ever you got into a fight with them they WILL say what they want to say and they will follow you into your room screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs so that you got it. And heaven forbid you said anything back. For my teen years, gone, missed. Isolated from everyone else and given a laptop as my only company i got lost in it. And yelled at for it. It was my only relief from the stress.
It's a weird case, but i found a friend online. After 5 years i moved in with her, and she said her parents would help me grow from the years i missed. I was hoping they would. But they never taught me anything. All they kept saying was that "i was old enough to know". Cut deeper than they ever knew. They only talked to me in statements or stories. The only time they asked me things was what i was going to do with my life. How could i answer that? I havent lived. I havent enjoyed life since i was 9 and would i remember that? no. They assumed and keep assuming they know me. But they don't know how to talk to me. They dont know how to talk. Theyre old, so whatever i did tell them, they never listened or never remembered. I guess because of that it's unfair to hold anything against them because they wouldnt remember. But that's what theyre like. I tried- there was a few times i took them by the side, just to chat.. But it was one sided so i stopped. I mean think of it.. Do you hang out with those you like? Yes.. it's a two way street but they were always too busy. I told them they were, but i guess i should have told them how. I asked for help, twice and i got a silent answer the first time, and a "no i'm too busy" the second. They didn't listen.
How do i talk to them?
My friend was my other half, in no lesbian way. She fended for me when i needed it, and i her. She stood up for me, translated, she listened. She wanted to spend time with me and i her. She had an anoxic event and now we can't communicate. Her parents ask me all the time, "what are you going to do with your life? cause your not gonna sit around and do nothing"... three years i've been here. Three years they couldv'e tried.. i spent my teen life sitting down and doing nothing. they REALLY think that's all i want to do now that i dont have to anymore!? THATS my lifes dream?!!
I wanted to go into the military. i told them that. several times.. they're too busy..
And i barely have enough motivation to get out of bed in the morning. i can't get there.. not alone. an no one has the time, patience or care of what i do. as long as i do something.. whatever that is..
i should just move.. i'm a burden to them anyway.. but where do i go? no one knows me so no one will hire me. I've tried.. i absolutely hate school. and i can't stay here.
Sprawling my feeling online helps some.. but it doesn't help in reality.. so when i leave my room, it just comes back.
It's a weird case, but i found a friend online. After 5 years i moved in with her, and she said her parents would help me grow from the years i missed. I was hoping they would. But they never taught me anything. All they kept saying was that "i was old enough to know". Cut deeper than they ever knew. They only talked to me in statements or stories. The only time they asked me things was what i was going to do with my life. How could i answer that? I havent lived. I havent enjoyed life since i was 9 and would i remember that? no. They assumed and keep assuming they know me. But they don't know how to talk to me. They dont know how to talk. Theyre old, so whatever i did tell them, they never listened or never remembered. I guess because of that it's unfair to hold anything against them because they wouldnt remember. But that's what theyre like. I tried- there was a few times i took them by the side, just to chat.. But it was one sided so i stopped. I mean think of it.. Do you hang out with those you like? Yes.. it's a two way street but they were always too busy. I told them they were, but i guess i should have told them how. I asked for help, twice and i got a silent answer the first time, and a "no i'm too busy" the second. They didn't listen.
How do i talk to them?
My friend was my other half, in no lesbian way. She fended for me when i needed it, and i her. She stood up for me, translated, she listened. She wanted to spend time with me and i her. She had an anoxic event and now we can't communicate. Her parents ask me all the time, "what are you going to do with your life? cause your not gonna sit around and do nothing"... three years i've been here. Three years they couldv'e tried.. i spent my teen life sitting down and doing nothing. they REALLY think that's all i want to do now that i dont have to anymore!? THATS my lifes dream?!!
I wanted to go into the military. i told them that. several times.. they're too busy..
And i barely have enough motivation to get out of bed in the morning. i can't get there.. not alone. an no one has the time, patience or care of what i do. as long as i do something.. whatever that is..
i should just move.. i'm a burden to them anyway.. but where do i go? no one knows me so no one will hire me. I've tried.. i absolutely hate school. and i can't stay here.
Sprawling my feeling online helps some.. but it doesn't help in reality.. so when i leave my room, it just comes back.
