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Thread: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

  1. #1
    babyjune7
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    Default How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Today I just found out my husband of 7 years has cheated on me. We have a toddler and I am 6 months pregnant. He cheated on me 2 years ago allowing oral sex by my cousin on him, and in the past 6 months he has gone to strip clubs. The last time he went he had intercourse at the club. He confessed this to me willingly according to him so I can forgive his torment, and so God can forgive him. He vowes he loves me, he cried with me and seems repented. Both of us used to be strong leaders in the youth ministry, but its been 3 years we stopped to focus on our son and work. As much as it hurts how can I trust him? How do i get these thoughts out of my mind? I dont feel beautiful no more.. why my cousin? how do I deal with that, help, Im so hurt, cant stop crying, I feel like dying....Lord where are you???

  2. #2
    Member opulentwoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I am so so sorry to hear this babyjune7. I cannot imagine the hurt and pain you feel right now. You have been let down and had your trust broken by your husband. There is obviously a problem he has, there is some inadequacy in himself that has caused him to do this AND NOTHING to do with you or anything you have done personally. But I shouldn't go into that, because right now, you are hurting and it's very clear that you love him very much and this has come out of the blue, just today.

    I do not really qualify to answer this posting, as I have never been married, but have been cheated on and know the pain of that. I really hope that maybe someone who has had the same experience as you may be able to bring some wisdom/advice to you in this posting.

    However, what I can do is pray for you and pray that God will just visit you right now where you are. Only God can bring you true comfort and guidance at this time. Yes, I totally hear you when you say God seems like He is far away from you, but really He is right there. Just stay before him to give you strength and undertstanding at this time.

    Is there anyone you can speak to in person, anyone else that you trust - like a female friend or pastor or someone at your church? They may be able to help you through what to do next or how you might respond to this situation.

    One thing I can tell you is that you are BEAUTIFUL. What your husband has done does not dictate your beauty. You are beautiful and a beautifully created woman in the sight of God and that is yours to know and no-one can take that away from you!!!

    " Lord I pray right now that you would just bring comfort and warmth to this dear lady right now. Lord you know exactly how she feels and how wounded she feels. Lord only you can heal her pain and give her wisdom from this day forward. Lord I pray for your peace to visit this dear lady right now, a peace that passes all understanding. Lord I ask you in Jesus Name to visit this dear lady now, let her know your divine presence, let her feel your loving arms around her and the children. Lord I come against stress that would cause her or the baby harm, in the Name of Jesus. Lord I pray that you would just come into this lady's situation and turn it around for your Good. And even though Lord she may not know which way to turn or whether she can trust her husband again, I pray for complete restoration in this situation, that things will turn around and work together according to your will for this marriage. Lord be her strong tower, the one that she can run too. IN Jesus Name I ask these things. Amen "

    I know I may not have been much help, but I could not pass your posting by
    Tearose84 and Ery like this.
    "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come..." Proverbs 31:25

  3. #3
    Member opulentwoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    okay I have just seen that you have posted this under a different thread and people have been responding!! But still, I would have answered this anyway
    "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come..." Proverbs 31:25

  4. #4
    babyjune7
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Thank you so much for your concern. It is difficult at this time since the people I have trusted from pastors to counselors, have not necesarily been there for us. It is a complete isolation. So sad that you are far away, I really could use someone as wise and comprehensive, and loving like you close by. I will treasure your prayer and words... thanks for the love.. please feel free to write back anything you have in your heart for me... thank you thank you

  5. #5
    walkinthespirit
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Opulent woman, you are a woman of God indeed! I pray many blessings over you and baby june7. I pray the LORD will send HIS angels to minister, guide and war for both of you, and me too! I pray a Hedge of thorns around this man, and seal it with the blood of JESUS, (research the hedge , babyjune7, and PRAY IT!! everyday, watch how fast the LORD MOVES!!)
    thank YOU JESUS! put the full armor of God upon us, and wash us in the blood of JESUS! we pray YOUR good and pleasing will Father, in JESUS name amen!

  6. #6
    Member opulentwoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Amen dear sister!!

    Quote Originally Posted by walkinthespirit View Post
    Opulent woman, you are a woman of God indeed! I pray many blessings over you and baby june7. I pray the LORD will send HIS angels to minister, guide and war for both of you, and me too! I pray a Hedge of thorns around this man, and seal it with the blood of JESUS, (research the hedge , babyjune7, and PRAY IT!! everyday, watch how fast the LORD MOVES!!)
    thank YOU JESUS! put the full armor of God upon us, and wash us in the blood of JESUS! we pray YOUR good and pleasing will Father, in JESUS name amen!
    "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come..." Proverbs 31:25

  7. #7
    Member opulentwoman's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    BabyJune, I will continue to pray with you . The devil is a liar and he's just trying to destroy something beautiful that God made - the marriage. I know in the marriage ceremony these words are usually mentioned ' what God has joined together let no man put asunder'........So I say what God has joined together let no devil in hell tear apart. We will all stand with you. You may not know if you can trust your husband yet, but God has a miraculous way, a way beyond our understanding of bringing this inner healing and in a faster time than we expect, we feel healed and the past has no control over us anymore. IT's not that we completely forget, but we are able to carry on and day by day grow stronger in His Might, In His Power.

    I am not saying this would happen overnight and I understand that you are right there in the situation, with the kids with your husband......that is very challenging and painful. I am quite sure your husband if feeling very awful, but this is something that must not be repeated, so it's something that needs 'breaking', he needs help with (needs to work through with someone - a councellor/pastor) including some strong prayer. I don't know if you'd do it together or he'd do this on his own - that's where I don't have the experience to make suggestion on that.

    Is there any way the church can put you in touch with someone else to help or maybe find another church/ministry that could help you right now? I am rather saddended that you cannot go to your present pastor/counsellors......they as far as I am concerned should be there for you....

    Anyway, God can make a way, where there seems no way.
    Ery likes this.
    "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come..." Proverbs 31:25

  8. #8
    maye
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    please note that even the so called beautiful people have husbands that cheat on them. this is NOT you - it is him. i have a brother that has cheated on his wife several times. he also likes to confess to his wife only to do it again and agiain. i have to wonder if this confessing is just a way of making himself feel better? the only advise i have is to continue to pray - GOD is with you! opulentwoman seems much wiser than me and i appreciate her responses. like i said i just wanted you to know that there was someone else praying for you and for your husband. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!

  9. #9
    Ashkuhn
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I'm so sorry to hear this.. I know where you are coming from. 2 weeks before my husband and I got married he told me that he had cheated on me 2 years before. He said he was living in torment and guilt, and just like your husband was repentant. I prayed and asked for guidance.. Reading my Bible and advice from some good christian friends really helped me through it.. Along with a lot of prayer.

    Just like you I felt ugly and couldn't understand why he would do this.. And beat myself up over what I could have done wrong to make him want to do this to us..

    I have grown a lot since then.. We have only been married for about 3 months so I haven't known very long.. But I have come a suprisingly long way since finding out with him. He's more open to talking about things (Just not God, yet).. But we are really working on this aspect of our relationship..

    I have also come to realize that it was not anything that I did or that I wasn't pretty enough or something. It's just that people get greedy and don't care about anyone but themselves.. This is especially true when you don't have a relationship with God..

    BUT.. Keep strong and if you need to talk to someone, I am here for you. Message me and I will talk with you if you need. I have been through a similiar situation and I know how much it can hurt. But hang in there, because my relationship has gotten so much better.. And with a lot of prayer, love, and forgiveness yours will too, hopefully.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's a terrible thing..

  10. #10
    Ullie
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I am sorry to hear about that. But let me tell jou, Jesus knows your pain and hates the sin that your husband has done. But still loves your husband. As should you. I know it is hard and you feel betrayed, but cast your burdens unto Jesus and let Him deal with it. Also, remember that your prayers and example will get your man back! Jesus is more than capable of doing the rest, just trust Him. jesus also wants you to know he is crying with you, encouraging you in Spirit and i pray that Jesus sends the Comforter to brig you hope and strength in this time. Lastly, remember, behind these sins of his, aomewhere along the line a fear has caused you man to dot this. It is always fear that leads people to sin. Try praying that Jesus would reveal what the cause is and heal it!

    This message has come from a man. I hope that your experience with will not hinder you listening to the words of another. Be at peace. For Yaweh Shammah ( God is with us) , is always with you! May Jesus's peace be upon you.

  11. #11
    footprints1
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    i kind of know what your going through my husband cheated on me but god has molded him into a better person if you trust god and leave everything in his hands he will word it out best for you ask him what to do and he will let you know whats best.

  12. #12
    filomena
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    hello I just posted a prayer request. Of course I didn't mention the cheating. My husband has cheated on me three times and talked to girls several times. That I know of. Well I know what you feel. I felt everything you mentioned. And this is the first time mentioning it to anyone cause he is a known christian singer and because I don't want to inflict the same pain and confusion on others that have been soooooooo blessed by his ministry I have kept quiet til now. It's been about 11 years into our marriage. I'm not too familure with this chat room so I'll have to learn it. I think it would be great if we can talk or chat more. We can probably help each other. How ever I did seem to find out that men have physical attraction. And when times are tough finances, new babies, worries, etc. They don't like to hear us nag. Or add to his worries. They tend to look for something that helps them forget their problems like video games,t.v; or women. These women see the guy fun and attractive and that makes the guy feel good. Which if they are christian they should have the power from God to not fall, but many fall. And the women are victims too cause they get used for the moment and then are left. Now I'm not saying they are completely innocent. They could have not engaged esp. if they knew the guy had a family and was married. But I know that the husband need a friend to come home to after a long day at work, not someone to add to his nags and we can fix our make-up and hair too.All this helps. and going out together alone. But I'm still trying to figure out what goes on in the minds of men. I know this is hard to hear right now cause you are in pain. But right now what you need to do is read the bible and pray a lot for your marriage. And fix your self up and make yourself feel better. Go to women bible studies or listen to worship. Right now you need healing . And I know how you feel about not hearing from God. But I know He's there. Now it's up to you to stay with him and let time heal wounds. But you will probably be another marriage that ended in divorce with the kids that will suffer in the long run. Just try to remember why he married you. and be that fun friend he married. Beautiful woman of God. There's a verse in the bible that says. Like a Lily among thrones so is my beloved among the maidens. We need to be beautiful before the Lord in our probs. and let out a fragrant aroma in our time of worship even though we are afflicted by thornes.
    May God give you strength and guidence.
    Filomena

  13. #13
    lillies
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    sorry to hear about this. I willl be praying for you and your husband. ok with that said I went though this myself 6 years ago. i was 7 monthes pregs. My husband "did it" with my best friend downstairs while I was sleeping. Mind you he and she both were drunk. It was a long road for me. I felt he was really sorry about what he did. I looked up verse after verse about forgiveness. I forgave him and we are working it all out. One of our agreements was that he is no longer to have drinks.
    I will continue to pray for you at this time. It is very hard. I leaned more on God then ever before that is how I got though it.

  14. #14
    Senior Member pickles's Avatar
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    My heart to you in this. So many beautiful responces of hope and prayer.
    The hardest part is the betrayal, as you cannot know if you can trust again.
    As I shared in another post, the trust is something you will have to do. Lke faith , you will have to decide to believe in him if you want to have healing.
    It is a hard dessision, but if your husband is truelly repentant it is a choice needed or healing, along with forgiveness.
    You and husband are very much in my prayers for healing and a long and loving marriage.
    Hugs and God bless, pickles
    Ery likes this.
    Its really not that complicated, Jesus is the way, the truth and the life we are called to!
    The Joy of the Lord is your streangth!

  15. #15
    filomena
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    another thing I wanted to share is that you need to think of the baby. Try to not think about it so much. Try to do things that get your mind off of this. I was pregnant with one of the times my husband cheated on me and it caused the labor pains and I ended up in the hospital ready to deliver the baby. I know this is a hard time for you, but do what's best for the baby too. How far along are you?

  16. #16
    Ab84
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    My husband has cheated on me and as I am forgiving him he later tells me after he finds out two days ago that the girl ay be having his baby. I don't know what to do. He as expressed his remorse, apologized and expressed how he wants our marriage to work. I am just not sure I can handle this. As a Christian I have been trying to forgive and forget but it is getting quite hard. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying. I am crying while I type this. Something in my soul says to forgive him, but my mind says dont be a fool. So honestly I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please give me scriptures or something that will give me some direction.

  17. #17
    psychomom
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Quote Originally Posted by Ab84 View Post
    My husband has cheated on me and as I am forgiving him he later tells me after he finds out two days ago that the girl ay be having his baby. I don't know what to do. He as expressed his remorse, apologized and expressed how he wants our marriage to work. I am just not sure I can handle this. As a Christian I have been trying to forgive and forget but it is getting quite hard. I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying. I am crying while I type this. Something in my soul says to forgive him, but my mind says dont be a fool. So honestly I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please give me scriptures or something that will give me some direction.

    17 “The LORD your God is in your midst,
    A victorious warrior.
    He will exult over you with joy,
    He will be quiet in His love,
    He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. (Zephaniah 3)

    28
    And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

    29
    For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren;

    30
    and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

    31
    What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

    32
    He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

    33 Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies;

    34
    who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.

    35
    Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?


    36
    Just as it is written,
    “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG;
    WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.”


    37
    But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

    38
    For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,

    39
    nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8)

    That's what I have for you, dear child.
    The Lord your God loves you. ♥
    I wish I had a good answer to your dilemma, and I'm sorry, little one.

    But never doubt for one second that your Abba loves you, tenderly and forever.
    And I am praying for you right this minute.
    love,
    ellie

  18. #18
    Fayeindistress
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    I really don't know where this will go or to who or whom. But I really need help. My husband cheated on me 8 years ago and has a son that will be 9 on the 9th of this month. At the time 2002-2003 we had been married 20 yrs. so I don't know if he had the 20 year itch or the 40 yr itch since he had just turned 40 yrs old. I found out about this in June 2011. Being a Christian I did forgive him, but how do you continue with normal life. I did everything a wife was supposed to do. I MEAN EVERYTHING. He never went without sex, every way any way. Even our relationship was good. I thought that even if he was approached by a woman; which I knew he was on many ocassions because he's a hansome man. Tall dark and handsome!! He would say no my wife provides all that for me. Boy was a wrong. During that year 2003 our daughter was graduating from High School,plus we were losing our home so he says he was depressed about losing our home and I know he was worried about our daughter leaving home for college. Since then he has become a changed man. I've always gone to church, sang in the choir, taught Sunday School, Women's Mission Society, everything. Now he's been going to church, Sunday School, even teaching Sunday School, and he's on trial for Deacon. When he 1st told me he was very remorseful, very hurt that he had hurt me. When he told me on June 10th 2011. He was about to receive Child Support Papers so he had no choice. in fact the next day the papers came by and officer. He was sending money out of our home to help because he was/wasn't sure it was his. In Sept. 2011 DNA said 99.9%. Now he's paying $500 +. We've prayed and still pray together every nite. I support him in his calling, but there are times when it is so HARD. I cry more times than I want to. I continually talk to God. I thank God daily!!! but when does the pain go away. When does this feeling go away!!! I want to go back to normal. I try so hard, but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. maybe for a second, or a minute. But it's there. We even went to a Christian Counselor 1 day. on my b-day in June of 2011. I just need some one to talk to at times. Yes there are a few ppl that know. But by now I feel as if they are saying, You forgave him, he's doing what you prayed for him to be doing, so what's the problem. The problem is I DID EVERYTHING, THERE WAS NOTHING TO EVEN INDICATE THAT HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR, even if it only lasted about 6 months to a yr. and they only had sex 3 or 4 times. I DID EVERYTHING!!! I feel betrayed, cheated, cheap, dirty, nasty, low. There are days I just want to sleep it away, I ask God what did I do. I still don't understand. I've asked other men, WHY MEN CHEAT? no one can give me an answer that makes sense to me. Sorry so long but if anyone has any thing to give please do. God is a Good God and I do trust Him. I'm just waiting on Him.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    Dear Fayeindistress, I'm very sorry to hear what had happened. Please forgive me if my English is not good enough as English is not my first language. I'm married and my husband have not cheat on me. But I'm having marriage problem for almost 2 years and It hurt me so much and destroy my normal daily life. It affect my everything. I come to this chat room and want to receive encouragement from other people but end up reading your message. It is not easy to forgive a cheated husband. And your husband made a Hugh mistake on it. However, in God's eyes, your husband and you are one fresh. The enemy like to destroy marriage and they only come to steal, kill and destroy. Try to praise the Lord for what you have in your marriage even it is just a little thing. Pray in the spirit that to honor God for he have forgive our sin. I know it is not a easy way to do. Our soul and body is weak but the holy spirit is strong. Our soul and mind does not want to do it. However, God gave us Holy spirit to guide us. Therefore, please keep try to praise HIM and HE will gives you strength to go through each day. I cried for my marriage issues lots of time and my husband is doubting our marriage. It seems no way to help my marriage but God simply asked me a question: " Do you trusted me?" So I answered: "Yes". So I'm keep listening to God's word day and night and my faith growth. And I found peace even I'm still in the battle of it. May you can find peace in God. Peace will bring you true rest. In Matthew 11:28-30

    "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. " May God deliver your pain and hurt. I will pray for you.

  20. #20


    Ery
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    Default Re: How can I forgive my cheating husband?

    So sorry Iris to say this but...do not be so confident that your husband has not cheated on you. The way the Lord is bringing you is because He will show you where your husband came. Something is hidden and God will show it to you. start to confront your husband and be careful and pay attention in how he answers your questions. For sure you will know if he lies or says the Truth. Believe me and really I do not want to cut your confidence and trust in your husband but I know that God you say you have, is the same God that uncovers sin when one does not confess by himself/herself. he is a God of justice, He is a Holy God and sin does not have part with Him nor with the ones who really Loves, HOnors and serves Him. Please, really, really I don´t want you to feel my sugestion is to hurt you but to be wise...nothing comes for nothing...something is there and God wants to remove it. God bless you very much and protect your heart for the Truth, really, in Love I pray for you and Bless You from now. Be strong and fight the good battle of faith...pray God to be before You opening the ways, braking the doors of bronze and cut the bars of iron...Isaiah 45:2 he will try to protect himself to hide in case is there something but be wise woman...and ask God for the Truth that He is already trying to give it to you. You are a warrior of God and he knows that woman...you will grow up greatly and will be a blessing for others and help them to snach what the enemy has caugh. Nothing to do with women when a man commits adultery...it is their own sin and they have to be in front of God facing when God calls them. You woman be strong andf walk with the Lord that He is the only One worthy to be loved and praised. The same God will repair and heal what humans cause to His children. Yes, we have to forgive but also we are tools of the Lord to perform His justice and make be known His Words and Truth. he is the Living God.

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