prayer to become more like Jesus and develop spiritual fruit

I am human and I fail and fall down. I want to be more like Jesus. However, I have been having issues with frustration and anger getting the best of me. I want to develop spiritual fruit. I want others to see the changes God has done for me. My wife pointed out that I have adopted a holier than thou complex. I didn't see it that way. I just see things that are sin and refuse to take part in them. She also mentioned to me about church services lasting so long. She wonders if I am truly attending because she hasn't seen changes in me. She said maybe you're trying to hard and maybe I'm forcing it. I read my bible watch Christian videos pray sing praise music and attend church as well as witness. It's possible in my striving to be the "perfect" Christian I fall short more often due to being so hard on myself and labeling almost everything sin. I call things as I see them though. Anything that doesn't line up with the Bible is sin. Cut and dry there is no gray area. I understand we have grace and forgiveness. However, my tendency to not forgive myself sometimes makes things harder on me.

I have to admit I brought my wife's trust issues on myself. I do something and in my eyes see nothing wrong with it she views it as betraying her trust. In the past I have lied to her hidden things from her said hurtful things to her been negative and had extreme behaviours like I'll say fine I'll just never talk to another woman again even my own family. You get the idea. However, to be clear I never once cheated on her. She views talking to a woman as the first steps. She claims you get close you start spending time with them before long you're sleeping together. Sometimes me even looking at a woman warrants her to be like you're cheating on me.


So my prayer is pray for my wife to receive peace and healing so she can learn to trust me again and be able to forgive me. Pray for me so that I just seek God and stop trying to be perfect and forgive myself fully when I do fall. I also ask that you pray for me to start developing the spiritual fruits so my wife will be drawn to God. Pray that when things get rough or stressful or I'm accused of wrongdoing that I respond in a Christ like way. Pray that when I'm accused of something that I don't blow up and get defensive. Pray that I can be patient and not angry when I can't get a word in edge wise. Pray that I stop holding onto anger and replace it with fruits of the spirit.

Thanks so much. We are all human and our walk with Jesus doesn't stop til we are with Him on high

Praying for you and your wife. Show love to her no matter what she does and says do little acts of kindness like housework or buy her something that she likes e.g. chocolate or flowers. Do stop trying to be perfect allow God to move through you He will change you. God bless you and your wife.

Lord bless rdbseekingafterhim, with your characters and you be glorified in his life and family. In Jesus loving name, Amen!

When I was at church today I felt led to go to the altar. I realized something I needed to do. I prayed to God to remove worry, stress, and any other negative emotions. I gave it all to Him. I prayed that I'm placing things in His capable hands. I said I'll just have you move in my life as He wills it. Whatever He decides I'll let Him handle it and no longer worry over it no matter what the issue is. I was in tears my emotions flooded over me. I rebuked satan in the name of Jesus Christ.

However, when I got home I immediately had to deal with satan's influence over my wife. She said church doesn't last that long. I told her you can't put a time limit on God. She started getting upset. I said ok do you want me to leave once an hour is up saying to God that's all the time I can give you Lord. I hate having to fight in my own home over what I believe in. I understand her concerns. When she starts accusing me I go into defense mode. She says that makes me look more suspicious and that just ratchets the tension between us even more. She says oh yeah you are such a good Christian. You are acting so good. I try to talk and she just barrels into me making it to where I can't speak. That only drives my anger up even more pushing me further from being Christ like. Satan really knows how to twist me around and get me going and lash out. It's like I see myself spiraling out of control I see myself acting like what I don't want to do. However, I'm powerless to stop it. It's hard to stop once it's already starting rolling downhill. I finally regain myself, but by that time the damage is already done and I pushed my wife further from God. That's when I start self reflecting and hating what I see. I see myself stained horribly with sin and have trouble seeing myself through the eyes of Jesus. He forgives my sin and accepts me back. I need to forgive as Jesus forgives. I'm no better than anyone else. I just stare at myself in horror when I get out of control and things get worse from there.


Thanks for the prayers. I need them desperately. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. Please keep me in your prayers. I need to stop writhing in self condemnation and guilt. Pray that I can release that to Jesus completely.

I just recently read a book called rescue the captors by Russell Stendall. It was mainly about him being held captive by Marxist Guerillas but at the end he talked about using the beatitutes in marriage was really good. The whole book was good.
Here's the link to the book
http:// https://www.amazon.com/Rescue-Captors-Guerrillas-Missionary-Experience/dp/0983201609

Prayers for you to stand strong and not be shaken by your wife.

God is the Answer brother - Im proud of u -

When she says things to make you angry. Drop in your knees and start praying. Stop listening to her and listen to God. Ask Him what to say and then tell her how God loves her and you will try your best to love her as much as He does, even if you fail sometimes.


Often people fight for power...the only way to win is to give all power to God and you will realize your wife can't have power over your emotions and actions if you give control to God and His will. He says to love and bless those who curse you.

You do not rest upon your own holiness but Christ's righteousness.

Praying for you.