Need to express this

My name is not important. I am not important, but my question is why would the Lord create me if my life is going to be like this? I tried many suicide attempts already and I am ready to go already. You can judge me all you want, but I want to openly express my feelings. I have been going to church all my life. I have had high faith in God the majority of my life, but the past couple of years I feel like I lost all faith. I had issues with my family since I was young. We went through homelessness and many problems. My mom was highly abusive. She would beat me and abuse me as a child. She never wanted to see me happy (because she was happen with her life) and she never communicate with me, but she always told me she loved me. One day, I stood up to my mom from the abuse. She attack me hurt me (punching me in the face and pull my hair out) but I tried to defend myself. She called the police on me, I asked her why and not too, but she want to teach me a lesson for not listening to her. Now, I have a record of assault. Life has been horrible, I give up on it, and don't want it anymore. This world isn't meant for me. They say terrible so is temporary, but the the horrible lies and my terrible so will last forever. I am bitter, I hold resentment against my mother and resentment against God, but I still love both.

Hi Nothing,


I've prayed for you, however, some things need to be said:


Yesterday exists only in our failing memories and is no more tangible than tomorrow is. I think it likely that you go back to that pain a lot. Why go like a moth to the flame to that which will destroy you? There is no justification, no blame, or any excuse which can mend our brokenness or ease the pain, rather, it only distracts us from the Deliverer. We as flawed beings tend to get lost in complacency and forget the Source of our sustenance and hope. Even the great characters who knew God like Elijah, a man after God who raised the dead and called fire down from heaven above, after seeing such things lost sight of God and trusted in himself only to fall. He ran away and God still lead him to a place where He could step forward Himself and tap him on the shoulder to encourage a self exploration, He nourished him physically and spiritually and prepared him. He wants to do the same for you.


If your life is broken and you consider it forfeit, then I whole heartedly encourage you to commit what remains of it to Christ, Jesus. What do you have to lose? Follow the One who can and wants to fix this, He sincerely wants your happiness to be full. I cannot judge you, I am you. Likewise though, those who persecuted you and brought you to where you are now, are me also. Please forgive me and them. Everyone at some point is lost in the dark, and like a cornered and scared animal, people lash out in all manner of ways, but, they don't deserve hatred and we deserve better than to dwell in that: Our heritage is a holy one.


Peace be with you,


derek

Since your life has been hard so far, it may be difficult for you to accept life is a gift from God...but it is. You may not think of yourself as young at age 26, but there is lots of time left for your life to completely turn around for the better. A good first step would be to forgive your mom(even though it may be difficult) and give those negative feelings to God. Let got them to make room for the joy the Lord wants to bring to you. Get the help of a counselor, pastor, and friends. I care about you and do not want you to die or be miserable, and i promise the Lord loves you. I am praying for you.

She called the police on you after beating you up? Wouldn't that result in the police knowing what she did to you and getting her in trouble rather than you? Or am I misunderstanding something here?

- Since you say she was abusive I hope this means you are safe now.

Sadly, God never promised our lives would be easy. This life is lousy because we live in a fallen world full of evil.

The fact that you are still alive probably means you have some purpose. Maybe your life is / will be a testimony to someone else. I don't know, I was never good at figuring out God's ways.

PS: I think God can handle us being angry with him.

Don't give up.

Life ain't easy, that's a fact. We aren't promised a sunshine and rainbows life.. We will go through all manner of trials and tribulations. You can either persevere through, or give up and curl in a ball on the floor and kick and scream and have a tantrum all your life. As bad as your life has been, there is always someone else who's situation is worse than yours. I suggest you ask God to take away your bitterness and anger, and endow you with forgiveness and mercy.

As far as wanting to off yourself, that's pretty selfish of you. God gave you this life, for better or worse. And you want to take away the beautiful gift that He has given you?! You are 26 years old, you haven't even begun to have any type of life yet. If your mother is abusive, then get away from her. You're an adult, fully capable of getting an apartment and a job. Change your attitude, babe, 'cause this one is lousy and will get you nowhere. I challenge you to read some of the testimonies here, and see how others overcame their crappy trials and made something good out of something bad. And I recommend you go to the family forum and read any thread there, and you will see that many of those people have a worse situation than you do.. While you're at it, read my depression and suicide threads. You might just learn that life is worth living, and that with God you can overcome ANYTHING.

I'm not judging you. I tried to commit suicide years ago. You've been through a lot and you're only 26 years old. I feel awful that your Mom would abuse you. Is your Mom mentally ill? Not that it's an excuse for her behavior, just might explain some of her behavior.

I hope you talk to someone that can help you deal with all of this. I am praying for you.

Hehe I was talking to my therapist on the phone and she was like "what is a good plan to get you through the night?" And I was like I just want to crawl up in a ball
So I did and it didn't help anything lol


I am praying for you (Not) Nothing!
Look in the Bible there is nothing that says life is gonna be peachy (for those of you who want to bring up Romans 8:28 for that comment READ FURTHER ALONG!!! You can't just use one verse without the surrounding ones)
The Bible says we are going to suffer in this life. How we deal with that greatly impacts everything else.
I have had a crappy few years; cancer twice, pneumonia, pleurisy, being choked, having to deal with family problems, my friend dying from cancer, my other friend ending her life ect. I could go on and on lol
But if there is one thing I've learned it's that you can't just stop life and complain and feel bad for yourself.
If life gives you crap you don't have time to curl up and complain or give up.
Going through awful trials takes soooo much energy and faith but if you are directing that towards negative energy it will be 1000 times harder to make it through

Wish I could make the pain go away, but I cannot. What I can do is show you where to find hope. Read the end of the Book. You can be there with us in the end. Doesn't matter where things started, doesn't matter how things are right now, all that matters is how it ends. Jesus loves you. We love you. We want you to be there with us in the end. Let us walk with you the rest of the way home.

You must have a powerful call on your life dear sister. Don't give the enemy the opportunity of convincing you that you are worthless and therefore, extinguish your life breath by your own hand. Although your life has been tough, we do tend to grow/mature through trials and hardships...perhaps there are people out there that God wants you to one day help/reach. Perhaps you were created for such a time as this! Praying for you, Blessings!

My experiences have been different from yours, but i understand your overall feeling. I, too, have mostly felt as though i had no right being on this earth. Or wishing i never was. I've never attempted, but have contemplated suicide on numerous occasions. And i to have my own list of back to back negative experiences. I've been homeless. Yet, here i am. Almost 41 and still alive.
Life has not gotten better. But my capacity to better enjoy things i do enjoy has increased. To better cope with the things that come at me. But you coming from a parental abuse situation, do have the opportunity to have your life improve.

You can learn to forgive your mother, over time, but that does not mean you have to keep yourself in a position for her to continue being abusive, either physically or mentally. If you need to cut ties with her, then do it.
While in the midst of something it's typical to not be able to see any end to your misery, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Nor does that mean it won't be a lot of work. You can forgive. You can change things. You just have to be willing to do what it takes. Leave the people behind you need to, and work towards making things better. I don't promise things will be great one day, though it is possible, but it Can get better if you work at it and allow it by not holding too tightly to your past.

life can be weary and sometime it feels like it is too long.
But god knows, he knows us and he is here for us.
Sometimes we feel his love more and sometimes less, but it is always here.

Please do not give up on this life, because you are a very valuable person,
who can give a lot to others and who can experience joy.
And i promise you, when ever this life ends naturaly, may it be in 20 Years or more,
we will be with god, and then we will be happy.

Lord , please turn the sorrows of Nothing into Joy, speak to Nothing in this situation, that you are the Lord you created, and you still love.
LORD please bless Nothing, in Jesus precious name, Amen!

Dear son of the most high God, lineage of Kings and priests, son of the King of Heaven and Earth,
who ever whispered in your ear that you were nothing, was just trying to make you believe a lie from the pit of Hell. There is plenty of sound and good advise from others just like you, that have been thru trials and tribulation and are still on the saddle. what keeps them on the saddle is not their own strength. Our Lord was not joking when He said that in this world, we would have tribulation. he also said that without Him, we could do "NOTHING"(sound familiar?) think for a moment what it took for Him to forgive after being: falsely accused, falsely convicted, mocked, humiliated, lashed to almost death, tortured, spat on, kicked, punched, have his beard ripped from his face, clubbed on the head while wearing a tailor made crown of thorns, made to carry his own cross on the same back that had been ripped open by the Roman whips, nailed to the cross, given vinegar for drink when he was thirsty and finally, piercing his side with a spear, just to make sure He was dead. do you sense a little difficulty here? I mean, this is the Same Jesus that said while hanging from that blessed cross; "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do". Dear brother, forgiveness is never easy, but praise the Lord in Jesus Christ for here is the example we must follow if we are to be called Christians. Jesus was not the "do as I say, not as I do" kind of preacher. he did not come to preach, there were plenty of preachers in his time. He came to teach all of us how to live how God lives, how to forgive, like God forgives and love, like God Loves. You and I are sick. We were infected at birth with sin. Our medicine, is the blood of Christ, that cleanses my sin and purges my soul of anger and un-forgiveness. without Him, I am NOTHING. If I were to run away form Him, I would return to the same nothingness my life was before I met Him. You will truly understand who you are in Christ, when you understand what he meant when He said: The Father and I are one, I am in my Father and my Father is in Me, He who is in me, is in my Father also. Get to a position of strength, on your knees, and from there kick the Devil in the mouth with praise to the King of Kings! May God bless you and open your eyes to see the world not as it appears, but as it will be.

I understand. Life is full of ups and downs. We get stressed and cry. I was diagnozed with schizophrenia back in 1996 and it was hard, believe me I was terrified of life, heard voices and saw things, I was lost. But no matter what mistakes we make God is with us. You have as much right to get depressed as anyone, but the truth is Your life is precious.

I pray that you change direction and seek help, maybe get support in living somewhere peaceful, let the love of God guide you. Amen

Lord help "Nothing" to see you became nothing to make him whole. Amen

Love is the power of life, and not matter how low we go Jesus can find us there.
When I pray and see the wealth of love the Lord has for me, I rise up above the
most difficult of circumstances.

Take your time, walk with Jesus through each step and you will find a way through.
And brother, it is worth it, the cross says God believes it is worth it, you just need
to reach out a pray, ask, and take the next step to life.

God bless

Peter.

Praying for u