Have been really depressed lately

Hello everyone,

I am new to christian chat.

Normally i would not do this kind of thing but i could really use from prayer from my brothers and sisters in the lord.

Let me give you my back story.

I am 26 years old single guy. I live with my parents to save money and help them out. I am working on getting my masters in biblical counseling. I also serve at my local church and i also have a good paying job where i get to work from home but it is very stressful currently. I have normally been a very happy person most of my life. But as of late i have been been really depressed as of late.

I am a very anxious person in general, and can get depressed easily but i have always been able to snap out of it pretty quick.

About 4 months ago i decided to make a big change in my life. I have never dated before, i have always wanted too but i have never been able to find the right person and also i have been really scared to do so. I have really wanting to find that special someone that God has for me. But being a small church where there is not really alot of singles and not having alot of time to go out and meet new people it gets kinda tough. So i decided to start online dating. Which at first i was super excited about. I started talking to girls and was having a great time. I finally went out on my first date ever with this one girl and was SUPER nervous and excited at the same time. Well the date did not go very well. It was super awkward. I did not end up having a fun time.

After the date i was thinking to my self. Why did i get myself worked up about this? It no big deal. I will just find another person and try again. Literally the next day i woke up and felt kinda funny. At first i thought i was just tired so went on with my day. But then sunday morning before church i woke up super scared. It was a fear of everything. After church i rushed home so i could get in my room.

Every since then nothing excites me anymore. I dont even feel real anymore. I cant even concentrate on anything anymore. Im scared over everything. I dont care about anyting anymore I try to put on a happy face for everyone and it can be super tough. I have been trying so many things to help me snap out of this and nothing works. Now my mind races all the time. I cant stop think about my life. I feel like life is passing me by and im accomplishing nothing. All i can ever think about is my death and my fear of being in heaven (I know that sounds really weird). I just want to be happy again.

I have been praying alot about this and still have not found any relief yet. If you all could pray for me that would be SUPER AWESOME.

Thanks

Vine1989

From your post I would conclude that you have a fear of rejection and that awkward first date is fueling your anxiety leading to depression. Believe me, at the age of 26 life is definitely not passing you by but rather is only getting started. You have a job, a college education and are active in your church. You are on the right track.

It may be helpful and less stressful to have an exchange of letters with the next prospective date before actually meeting. That would give you the opportunity to see if you are compatible in the important things in life that matter to the both of you.

I have said a prayer for your situation. Welcome to CC.

I'm sorry for your struggle Vine, I'll pray for you.

Sounds like you have an anxiety issue. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand. Even positive excitement can trigger anxiety if it's too much. I'd suggest looking into counseling to learn how to cope with anxiety better. Meds are an option but should not be a first choice. Try the counseling along with natural supplements like Gaba or Kava. Exercise is a big help with anxiety as well. Avoid caffeine and lots of sugar.

Dating won't help the anxiety either. People with anxiety issues bring them into their relationships. If you're with the right person they will understand and know what to do and not to do. Or will be willing to learn.

Online dating, especially dating sites, is a mixed bag. It seems most people in online dating have ulterior motives.

But it dating in general is risk. Less so on the 'first few dates' aspect but getting into any relationship is risk. If you want it to work you Have to be vulnerable. Period. And that means you run the chance of getting hurt. There is no 'safe' way to fall in love. Consider if that's something you can deal with right now or if it's better to wait. Personally I'd spend my free time at counseling instead. Anxiety is something that usually never fully leaves but can be well managed and minimized. I e had issues with it and now I don't often have it. Just under high stress situations but not the day to do stuff like I used to.

I will pray for you brother .

Keep your head up Boss . Online dating is a Joke. Live for God . Be happy . I will pray for u .

Hi Vine. You got great answers! And loving, encouraging words and prayers. I am thinking of you and praying for you too. Tourist brought a lot of wisdom to you, I believe the "counsel" if followed will really help. Plus the other things, supplements, etc. Kava can hurt your liver, be very careful with it. Also, think of the step you bravely took (dating!) and your VISCERAL REACTION! (To that GIANT move! Completely NATURAL "REBOUND EFFECT!" YOU stepped out of your "safety zone!" I think you'll keep growing and stretching if you keep reaching outside of your insulating circumstances, and growing in experience you will become a tremendous example, witness, fellow encorager and a terrific counselor to others! AMEN!

Lord bless Vine1989 with your guidance, let not the satan be able to deviate him fro your way, please bless fulfill his desires and help in everything. Please hear this prayer and answer him tremendously. In Jesus loving name, Amen!

I was briefly in the dating scene in college and found the man I am currently married to after I stopped looking and just handing it all to Jesus.

Will pray for you and hope you find some folks in your church who can listen and pray with you.

Don't stress out about the failed date. Dating is awkward...I would rather be friends with most guys.

What I loved about my husband was I could be myself around him and he wasn't fake around me.

So trust that God will bring someone who will accept you for you and just focus on other aspects of your life.be open to making friends.

Hi Vine,

I agree with a lot of the comments being made regarding fear of rejection. This is common however this type of depression and sorrow seems like a lack of self asteem as well as confidence.

I won't say that I know everything here is to know about women but I do know how to talk and unfortunately flirt when I shouldn't (something I'm learning to stop). Here's a couple things to help with your manhood.

1. Hit the gym (whether your good looking or not)

2. Visit other church's with christian singles (visit a few before settling on one to grow some roots) develop friendships.

3. You need at least one close friend or friend you can talk to and just do stupid stuff with or be cool either way.

4. Get out the house, go for a walk at least three times a week of not everyday.

5. Stick out your chest, shoulders back, practice how to walk and look at yourself in the mirror. Whether the woman liked you or not you have to love yourself and be thankful for what God has given you. Power and confidence.

5. You are fearfully and wonderfully made: God loves you and cares for you so take care of yourself by looking at what He has given you and the world he has set up for you.

6. Your fear is normal but remember men can have babies right into their 70's I think and you could find your wife between now and forever. God has designed you to need Him and love others so be connected to a church and people around your age and take council from older wiser Christians.

7. I sometimes have depression and pray and put music on but remember it does not define you, God does and has set up the sun to shine again and your body to move which sends good endorphins through your body so keep active, get fit, eat healthy, and chest out shoulders back and believe that God is with you and has many women you can choose from to be your wife.

8. Be wise in choosing your wife, it's not the first girl that likes you on a date nor is it the most beautiful. She's the one that studies the bible and knows God intimately. Be careful DONT go out with unbelievers. You will be sorry.

'Let God lead, Trust God and let go of this world's bondage!