doesn't matter..

Well, what's there to say except that i really wanna kill myself..it's useless..this isn't new it's been going on and getting worse since i was at least 12yrs old but since i was 3-4 yrs as young as i can remember it's been the same. i know there's no justification of suicide, but whatever.. i'm more sure i'm going to hell anyways. I don't want to die "because i want the pain to go away" cause i'm quite aware that hell is nothing compared to this..it talks about a man crying out to Abraham for a drop of water and God's mercy when he's alread in hell...etc etc. eternity of burning lake of sulfur..i don't know what to do anymore but pray and read the Bible and wait on God and listen but i feel like a contradiction to what He's created and that I'll never live according to what he's called...etec etc etc etc...please just pray something i guess..i don't know..i'm going to ask for this account deleted anyways..so this is kind of like it on here...thanks i guess.
Kira

Hi, I want to say that you are not alone, lots of young people feel pressure these days for different reasons. Dont put so much stress on yourself to be perfect. You are a normal person, and has we have experiences in oiur lives we learn from them in time. Im 43 soon and Im still learning, I know I make mistakes, but god doesnt judge us that way. Learn to take life slowly and at your pace. Learn to beleive in yoiurself and the rest will follow. Let me know how you are. from Mandy

Well, there is great news for you Kira! It's called "Entire Sanctification." You are now a babe in Christ, but there is an experience you can have that will change your heart from one that loves sin, to a heart that loves Christ and walks in obedience always.

I pray that this hope will be like water on parched ground to you, as it was with me. Let's look at God's promises to you:

Ezek 36:
25Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.
26A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
27And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

Matt 1:
21And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.
(God won't save you "IN" your sins, He will save you from them).

1 John 4:
17Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
18There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
19We love him, because he first loved us.
(God promises to make your love for Him perfect in this world).

1 John 3:
9Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.

I'll help you with any questions you might have. Watch the video in my signature please!

Quest

Try to focus on the stuff you have in life that you do want to live for. If you can't think of something, then AWESOME! You've got a HUGE ADVENTURE ahead of you finding something you want to live for. It can be a hobby, a sport, a friend, a family member, a pet...anything. When my husband's ex-wife left him while he was in Iraq, not only did she rip his heart out, but she destroyed his finances. He felt like there was nothing left to live for. He had no money, his wife left him, he was in Iraq fighting a war he didn't feel he belonged in, and there was his gun with some shiny new bullets in it that could just end it all right then. The only thing keeping him from doing that was knowing his motorcycles were waiting for him at home and if he was dead, he wouldn't be able to ride again. So he kept moving forward, and now he's got the motorcycle of his dreams, the wife of his dreams, a home to come back to after this deployment, and the end of his military career coming up.

Find something, anything that makes you wanna wake up in the morning. Try out some different classes, go to a church event, get some dvd's on how to do carmen electra's strip aerobics if you think it'd be fun! There is so much in this world, and after 19 years, you haven't discovered it all yet. That alone should be something to live for.

God loves you, let Him make you happy.

Kira, please dont give up. I know what it is like to face each day with only pain. I can tell you that if you hang in there trusting Jesus you will find the joy and hope you seek. I fought everyday for a long time to just get up each morning. I made my goal each day to just get my bed made if nothing else.
Then I added another simple goal as time passed. I learned to take baby steps each day, trusting that Jesus would help me. He didnt come to save the perfect, he came to save all of us that are a mess. He will show you that it is him in you that makes us perfect. And perfect in his eyes is much better than what we think perfect is.
Just know you are loved more than you can imagine, and that Jesus cares , I and others here also care.
Im so glad I held on to Jesus, because he did bring me past the time of pain. It wasnt that my life became perfect, he just made me see the perfect in my life and gave me the perfect love to face it all.
Kira, I am praying now for you and will keep praying.
Hugs and God bless, pickles

Hi Kira, That's a nice name. It looks like you have many people who are looking out for you and also God is there with you. You have a photo of a guitar, well for give me if Im wrong but it looks like you love music, am I right? Music is good for our souls and lifes. Is so easy to say "I give up" beleive me, Ive been through some trials and tribulations and so have many others who come on this site, just like youirself we all get down days. But this is the truth of the lord, he lifts the ones that are depressed and anxious. The lord is willing to listen to you and through this site he is talking to you directly. Love Life and value it with your heart, take things slow and learn to love yourself and others that are in need of abit of tenderness. I hope this helps Love Mandy xx

Kira, how are you doing?
Im still praying.
Hugs and God bless, pickles

Praying for you Kira.

I know what its like to want to end it all. Find yourself a picture of Jesus and just stare at him for awhile. Cry your eyes out, scream if you have to. There is something you can feel when you stare at him. He loves you Kira, even though u feel abandoned. Look at him. Cry out to him. He wants to comfort you. He wants you to be strong and get through this so you can love once again. Right now you are feeling anger, hate and defeat. God wants to comfort your spirit, but you have to let him. You need to open yourself to his presence. Stare at the image of our Lord and feel his love emanating towards you.

There is victory and light at the end of this darkness you are in but you must try and stay strong. God is carrying you through it. May he completely fill your tormented soul with His peace. May His light cast out the darkness that you feel. May your heavy soul become light with His strong, unmistakeable presence. In the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Hey, Thanks for replying. It's still pretty crazy right now but thanks for praying and the encouraging words. In general, I'm not doing well with talking to people either so in the mean time this is a reply to everyone. Have a nice week.
-Kira (guitarplayer18)

Kira, Hon, Im praying for you!!!!!

A verse I just came across....."A broken and contrite heart- these, O God, You will not despise. Ps 51:17

Kira, there will always be times when life is crazy, but all you can do is pray, read the Bible, and listen to what God's telling you... You've got a lot of people here to pray for you, and to talk to if you need it .

Kira, You continue to be in my prayers. Do not be discouraged, do not let the world rob you of what Jesus has for you. He is going to do great works in you. Just keep hanging on to him.
The hotter the fire, the purer the gold!
Praying for you.
God bless, pickles

Hi Kira, I lady said to me the other day, she had cruthes and was suffering from multiple scllrosis, she is a lovely woman, she is so determined to get ouit everyday.she said what ever you do dont give up, talk to poeple and have a sense of humour. She is so right! I tell myself this everyday, and if we makes mistakes so what! We learn from oiur mistakes anyway. I have been proper good at listening to people just lately and I feel that God is saying just observe and be patient, and be nice to people. We leanr about people and life everyday, and we must learn to laugh, thats my word for you today! Love Mandy xx

Hi Mandy,this si a grreat message for us all.I am glad to hear this words that i should no give up.Amen snd Amen
Be blessed dear!Tis Jantu

We don't have the power to change ourselves. But God does...I don't struggle with suicide, but i do struggle with constant sin that i just can't seem to overcome. It's very hard, but I know that i can't change myself. That only God has the power to. I know that sounds somewhat cliche, but it's true. Just pray to him. Pray!! And read Job. If you go to bible gateway, you'll be able to look for encouraging verses and stuff. I find it helpful when i'm down. Also, find an accountabuility partner. It helps big time. Please!! There's more than one reason for staying alive. Don't take hell lightly man...that place is forever. There's always hope.