Prayers for Rods health

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Sherril

Guest
Dear happy wow ....God has never forsaken you, or you know He will see you through this valley. Hold fast dear woman of God....Let God shine through you in this most difficult season, see the peace of God as His loves sustains you. Dear sis its hard to even know how to comfort you, but i know God is with you and your husband......take one day at a time sweetheart ...rest in your Abba Gods loving arms ......love in Christ Sherril....
 

Didymus

Senior Member
Jan 11, 2017
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Still praying for you both, happyface.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
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Still praying for you both, happyface.
Thanks but I believe Rod is beyond prayers. He's acting very inwardly and blaming me for not going to Portsmouth UK, he slept until 8.15 am this morning, I'm just not knowing what to say about anything. He refuses to go with me for a walk with dog, saying I should do it alone. I don't drive nmyself. He's in a foul mood and goes straight back to bed, he's talking about coffins and generally affecting me so bad. I'm at a loss its getting me down his attitude. He's not eating anything saying he will die soon. He's blaming me for everything. He always in charge.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
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He's lashing out at you, because you're there. He's scared and angry. First he had the stroke and all the complications from that, and now he has terminal cancer. It's alot for him to deal with, and he's coping the only way he knows how. Rod is NOT in charge right now, and he hates that. But God IS in charge of this, so no matter the outcome, Rod and you will be all right. :)




Thanks but I believe Rod is beyond prayers. He's acting very inwardly and blaming me for not going to Portsmouth UK, he slept until 8.15 am this morning, I'm just not knowing what to say about anything. He refuses to go with me for a walk with dog, saying I should do it alone. I don't drive nmyself. He's in a foul mood and goes straight back to bed, he's talking about coffins and generally affecting me so bad. I'm at a loss its getting me down his attitude. He's not eating anything saying he will die soon. He's blaming me for everything. He always in charge.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
113
NO ONE is ever beyond prayers. :)


Thanks but I believe Rod is beyond prayers. He's acting very inwardly and blaming me for not going to Portsmouth UK, he slept until 8.15 am this morning, I'm just not knowing what to say about anything. He refuses to go with me for a walk with dog, saying I should do it alone. I don't drive nmyself. He's in a foul mood and goes straight back to bed, he's talking about coffins and generally affecting me so bad. I'm at a loss its getting me down his attitude. He's not eating anything saying he will die soon. He's blaming me for everything. He always in charge.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
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NO ONE is ever beyond prayers. :)
He's refusing to eat, and I feel his anger. I too am troubled but he's so determined to carry on. I'm finding it very draining because it's so weird. He's really angry and taking out on me. His attitude is almost like he's in the army with that presence of do as I say. All because that I didn't mention Portsmouth this morning. He's in depression. I don't know what to do to help him I feel lost in the house. I feel like I'm loosing my mind because he's just very strange and he will just get up and go in the car. It's like a bad atmosphere
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,862
9,581
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I know it's hard for you, Happy. Just remember that God is with you and you will get through this..
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
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I know it's hard for you, Happy. Just remember that God is with you and you will get through this..
It's hard when I get spoken to like an idiot. His aggression and lack of love is soul destroying.he Came down stairs and just had a slice of corned beef and then ignored me. I'm not going to be treated like this. I'm just crazy to put up with it
 
M

Miri

Guest
Hi happy, I just wondered if the hospital have suggested a
course of treatment for Rod and when it starts.

Maybe all the waiting around is getting him down?
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
35
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Hi happy, I just wondered if the hospital have suggested a
course of treatment for Rod and when it starts.

Maybe all the waiting around is getting him down?
Hi miri Rods peeing a lot and its not an infection because the doctor checked. But it might be an enlarged prostate I just don't know any more. The doc gave Rod antibiotics don't know why. I'm just so stressed.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
35
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I'm sorry for all my messages I feel I'm just talking through everything that happening in my life. I feel as though my brain isn't fast enough to deal with it all.
 
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Miri

Guest
Hi miri Rods peeing a lot and its not an infection because the doctor checked. But it might be an enlarged prostate I just don't know any more. The doc gave Rod antibiotics don't know why. I'm just so stressed.

So it's not cancer? That's good news isn't it.

Water infections can have a terrible impact on people, it makes them act out
of character and do/say strange things.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
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So it's not cancer? That's good news isn't it.

Water infections can have a terrible impact on people, it makes them act out
of character and do/say strange things.
Yes Miri it's stage 4 cancer in his tummy and lungs. Rods scared that it's affecting his water works because he peeing alot. He knows he's really poorly. It's like his mind set is so different to mine. He's bitter and scared and the doc gave him antibiotics but she said it isn't a water infection. So what's causing the peeing, but I know it needs sorting. I'm lost and I know he's sleeping alot but in between he takes the dog out. Miri he isn't right at all.
 
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Depleted

Guest
If he wants to travel to Portsmouth tomorrow I'll just have to go with him. It's very stressful time for him and myself, he will be stopping the car for pees alot its 300miles one way. But this is what he's like.
That first day with John, I went passed myself. I can only sit/stand for 1.5 hours without having extra pain. I stayed for eight hours. I apologized to the person telling me that John was finally done the surgery and they were going to take him to a room, because I just couldn't anymore. Not because of the coming pain and not because of the already-there pain. I just couldn't.

I also can't go 300 miles. I can't even go visit Dad because he is outside my travel limits. And I probably won't be able to go to his funeral (if his funeral is a church a little closer to me, I might be able to), and can guarantee I can't go to the graveside service. (That's 7 hours drive, so probably close to 300 miles.)

I couldn't go to my brothers' weddings because I can't go that far.

If you can't, don't!

When I told that nurse (doctor? Kind of lost who was who already that day) I couldn't stay to see him when he was in his room, he said something that has given me great comfort. He said, "You are no good helping your husband, if you don't take care of yourself. Take care of yourself, and you will help him."

We have to pick our battles. (I really got that when John woke up. He wasn't the most cooperative patient, although he always appeared cooperative in front of the staff. lol) You have to pick your battles. Can't go with Rod? Don't. He may yell, scream, and have a full-out tantrum, but you have to save yourself for something far worse. You have to be with him later on when he can't do anything. He won't get that until that time. You need to, because that's going to be when he needs you the most.

As far as traveling while needing to pee often. "Urine bottle." You may well have to get used to being there when he's using it (Do I talk to him? Look away? Pretend it's no big thing? Actually, it became no big thing, because he made me get that way. :eek:), but he only has to get out of the car a third of the time that he has to now. He'll still have to pull over, because I don't think even guys can drive and pee at the same time, but less worry about where you are when the need hits. And, it's great at home, because he doesn't have to keep going to the bathroom to see if this is the time he can go.

(I'm assuming you're in a one-bathroom flat. And, aren't you proud of me for calling it a flat, instead of an apartment? Because I was surprised you called them miles and not meters. This is just me trying to give you a little smile today. Next to God, a little chuckle a day makes life worth living even when it's this hard.)

I get it, you don't like confrontation. I don't either. Fortunately, I married a guy who doesn't either. BUT, the sicker he was the meaner he got, so sometimes I had to confront. Makes me cry. (I HATE crying.) But it cleared the air. I suspect if you say, "I canNOT go" and stick with it, it might click in his head you can't. He might keep wanting to go, but then you get to decide which times you can and which times you can't.

Hardest thing for me to get through to doctors (mine, for some reason John's doctors accepted it easier than my own doctors), was "I CAN'T!!!"
 
M

Miri

Guest
Yes Miri it's stage 4 cancer in his tummy and lungs. Rods scared that it's affecting his water works because he peeing alot. He knows he's really poorly. It's like his mind set is so different to mine. He's bitter and scared and the doc gave him antibiotics but she said it isn't a water infection. So what's causing the peeing, but I know it needs sorting. I'm lost and I know he's sleeping alot but in between he takes the dog out. Miri he isn't right at all.

Have you had a chat with Macmillions, even if Rod doesn't want to, you can still
contact them. Have the doctors suggested treatment?

Its a lot to take in for both of you and a lot of adjusting both physically and
mentally. If you are both on different pages, it will also be harder i.e. at
different emotional levels of dealing with this.

Macmillions can help in so many ways and help with all those unanswered
questions and practicalities.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
He's refusing to eat, and I feel his anger. I too am troubled but he's so determined to carry on. I'm finding it very draining because it's so weird. He's really angry and taking out on me. His attitude is almost like he's in the army with that presence of do as I say. All because that I didn't mention Portsmouth this morning. He's in depression. I don't know what to do to help him I feel lost in the house. I feel like I'm loosing my mind because he's just very strange and he will just get up and go in the car. It's like a bad atmosphere
Did you see that?
"He's refusing to eat"
and
"he's so determined to carry on."

No, really, he's a mixed bag of emotions now. He's not as determined to go on as he thinks he is, and yet he still has some determination. This isn't your imagination. This isn't your fault. And it really doesn't help that the stroke effected who he was and made him mean. Just keep remembering, it's not you, not your imagination, and not your fault.

It seems like he's an old lion who roars to prove he can still roar.

Got to thinking about something.

One of the things John wishes he had was a Christian guy (minister) he could talk to that has the same beliefs we have. He got chaplains who didn't. He and I think so much alike that talking to me didn't do it for him. Kind of like talking to himself -- I'm just never going to come up with something he hadn't thought of already. And yet, he really wanted to talk to someone about what was happening and why. Why is a biggie.

Does Rod need that? I'm thinking he could use that, but, like John, it would have to be someone who believes like he believes. How about asking him, and if he could use someone like that, contacting your church/denomination (in case you're like us and can't go to church), to find him someone willing to visit and help him with the hard answers.? Better now then when it would feel more like Last Rites. And if he can be open with someone like that it might help him handle the mixed-bag of emotions.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
It's hard when I get spoken to like an idiot. His aggression and lack of love is soul destroying.he Came down stairs and just had a slice of corned beef and then ignored me. I'm not going to be treated like this. I'm just crazy to put up with it
And that's why I had to get over my don't-like-confrontation. Nothing would change if John didn't know I wasn't going to put up with it.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
35
48
So it's not cancer? That's good news isn't it.

Water infections can have a terrible impact on people, it makes them act out
of character and do/say strange things.
Yes Miri it's stage 4 cancer in his tummy and lungs. Rods scared that it's affecting his water works because he peeing alot. He knows he's really poorly. It's like his mind set is so different to mine. He's bitter and scared and the doc gave him antibiotics but she said it isn't a water infection. So what's causing the peeing, but I know it needs sorting. I'm lost and I know he's sleeping alot but in between he takes the dog out. Miri he isn't right at all. I praying for Rods state of mind and mine.
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
35
48
Thanks Lynn, I must admit you cheered me up. Rods going through the mill, I'm in the middle. He's fighting. But because I'm tired I felt Rod would struggle with travelling to the 300miles. He so unpredictable and never shown any sign of wanting to go in the morning. Just thinks I should start saying come on let's go. Yes your right I should not blame myself. He's in depressed mode
 

happyface

Senior Member
Jan 19, 2009
1,496
35
48
He can't eat due to the tummy cancer, it awful he just said he will loose more weight and his body will pack up, and I'm still here. I feel it's so unreal