When we were first married, I was crying over something -- can't even remember what anymore, but I was in full-fledged hysteria phase. John said, "Don't worry--"
I instantly stopped crying, gave him The Look (patented purely biological that all women can give), and said, "Okay. How?"
He was perplexed and I went back to crying. He has never told me how to feel since.
Be afraid! Of course, be afraid! How can you not be afraid? We cannot stop feelings simply because we want to. Feelings are feelings, and they reflect exactly what we're going through, so, yeah! Honestly! Be afraid! You're supposed to be afraid. What you're going through is as scary as it gets, so not being afraid is, not only impossible, it's a bit psychotic! Anyone who wouldn't be afraid has serious mental issues that makes that person as abnormal as a person can get.
Be afraid! It's okay.
And it doesn't change anything. This is going to happen. You won't know what to do while it's happening, as it is happens, or when it has happened. Total helplessness. Also reality. You cannot help this whole thing. If you could, you would, (because you're no fool.)
This leaves you with one of two choices:
1. Count on the only one who has full control even in this -- God.
2. Don't.
Assuming you are fully the daughter of the one and only, most-high God, you're going to figure out something sooner or later. You can't "don't." You might well want to, but you can't. (And, remember, I did try. So I know this.) It's too late. You already know he is God, loves you and is working all this out for YOUR good and his glory, so you can't "don't."
What you will do is continue to be terrified with these really weird things going on in-between. He's already been doing the weird things for you.
-- You're married. Did you think you'd ever get there, really? And yet God got you there.
-- Yesterday a phone landed in the crux of a tree instead of getting all smashed up. Traditionally, it would have been broken, but God didn't let that happen yesterday.
-- Sometime, quite recently, you went somewhere you didn't think you'd ever be able to go to and you saw something outstandingly beautiful. Scenery only God could create, and obviously on one of his more creative days. (I give God was not being very creative when he made the warthog, just my opinion. lol) Never thought you'd see that scenery but God made it specifically so you and Rod could enjoy it when you did. (Don't deny it. Had to happen. Not like you live near Detroit. lol)
In little ways, God has been showing you that he still loves you. In many ways he has always provided you with a home and someone to help you.
That will not change even when you are terrified, because you're supposed to be terrified.
I wish I could come and hug you and walk with you through this Valley of Death, but I cannot. God is and will. You are much loved, even when terrified like you're supposed to be.
And feel free to give a raspberry (stick out your tongue and blow until a wet sound comes out, just in case the UK doesn't call them raspberries) at anyone dumb enough to tell you "don't be afraid." Or give them The Look.