I have been struggling as many of you know for months now. I have good days and bad days. I want so much not to sin, but I do every day.

Things seems so bad right now. My oldest son is in jail. My youngest son is so rebellious, that I dont know what to do, and to top it all off, his alcoholic father is yelling about taking custody away from me.

I still am on the medication rollercoaster. I am taking 300mg of Wellbutrin in the morning and 2mg Klonopin and 40mg of Celexa at night and 2mg Klonopin. And I still feel kinda shaky, wierd, weak, strange.

I still dont have a job and my employer is now appealing my unemployment for the second time.

And I am having problems now with my husband who was always my rock. He is sick of all of it. He is gone ALL THE TIME. He is never home. And he treats his girls like they are princesses and everyone else is crap.

And then there is the worst of all. I dont read my Bible enough, I do not pray enough, I skip church all the time using one excuse or another. And even though I try to make up for it by watching sermons on tv, I know I am just fooling myself.

Even on here. I cant follow the conversations, they are so hard. Deep Biblical converstations that I dont understand.

I see inspirational people on here and I so want to be like them. And I beg God, BEG him, to make me the person I am supposed to be, more humble, more prayful, more Christlike. Wouldnt you think God would WANT me to be more like him?

And yet I sleep half the day and do nothing with my life. Nothing except school, and chat. I feel like I am falling off the edge of the world and all I want is to go to Heaven, but I am afraid that when I get there I will be lukewarm and Jesus will not want me.

Debbie

Debbie,

First God DOES want you! He loves you more than anythings and waits for you with open arms. You must not look at others and what you perceive their walk with God to be. Your relationship with God will be unique to Him and you and that is wonderful.

Being more Christlike is a decision we must make and follow through with. We do not have to ask God to make us more humbe, more prayerful, more Christlike for that is already His desire for us. We must just determine that nothing will keep us from reading our Bible and allowing God to speak to us. We must determine that nothing will stop us from praying, talking to the One who loves us unconditionally and will never forsake us, no matter whether we "feel" that He is nearby or far away. Lastly we must decide to live for Him. I have fallen many times. You will fall many times. What is important is that we get back up and go on.

Do not lose hope, sister. To me you have been one of those inspiritional people you spoke of.

Hi Debbie, like Mulehide said, you are an insperation. Ive read your posts, your faith and persiverance witness to me all the time.
Someone once gave me great advise when I was defeated, do not look to yourself, look to me.
That advise came from the top, Jesus.
I am praying always for you.
Hugs and God bless, pickles

__________________
It is in our weakness that God's power is made perfect!

Debbie,
There are times when I have felt like you. I prayed for God to bless you with what He knows you need. I really, really encourage you to watch Joel Osteen on tv or on the web. You can request his book on CD from the library for free. I consider him a life cheerleader. He will motivate you and wake up that energy inside you that will help you move toward a happier life. Above all Debbie, keep HOPING!! Good things come to you everytime you take a small action. Do something, anything, but do it! Read one verse, pray once, watch Joel Osteen, say positive things to yourself. Whatever you believe, whatever you keep telling yourself, is what will manifest in your life. Come on girl! You can do it! Believe for a better life! It can happen to you. Take small steps, but take a step!
Love,
Guacamole

Hi Debbie, Im sorry to hear your not well. May I just mention that I had a blood test as I felt so unwell etc. I told the doc and he gave me a full blood test. It came back as under active thyroid; I am now on meds and I feel alot more myself. I dont know what age you are, but maybe your doc should give you a blood test for different things. It might rule out why you feel abit down and depressed. Its just a thought thats all. I hope this helps. Mandy xx

Hi Debbire, Also stay off alcohol, that will not help you(thats if you do drink). Maybe your medication needs reviewing. you might be taking to much! Hope this helps. Dont be anxious about anything, god will lift you, just look at the simple things in life.

I am praying for you every day.

Peace be to you
Dont fear
Help is on the way!!!

Love a friend in God