Anger

Hi prayer warriors,

Would really appreciate some prayers please because I am quite angry at the moment.
Have been reflecting on interactions with people over the years and am amazed at how quickly people dish out unsolicited advice, put people down, use, abuse and trample on each other's ideas.
I have born the brunt of other people's selfishness because I try to believe the best about people but right now I feel like avoiding people as much as possible.Very.Angry.
Please pray that instead of remaining angry, I forgive others but at the same time learn to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
Also, that I will gain more mutually beneficial friendships and stop enabling the narcissism and selfishness of users.

Many thanks,
Mooky.

Philippians 4:19

A Prayer for Healthy Boundaries

Life is precious. Yet all too often, we may find that much of our time is spent around negative, toxic people, draining the life right out of us. Sometimes they’re co-workers, friends, or sadly, even family members.

God never intends for us to spin our wheels, waste our days, trying to make others happy who can never be happy. Because in reality, it doesn’t depend on us. It’s not up to you. They may want you to think it does, as if you possess the power to improve the value of their existence, but that’s not a burden meant for you to carry.

God’s greatest desire is to set us free. And sometimes what propels that change is for some brave soul to be willing to say, “Stop, no more.” One who will choose what is better, and learn to set boundaries that will protect and limit the control an unhealthy person might be placing on another’s life.

Sadly, when we look deep into the mirror of our souls, we may realize that we are the ones who have some unhealthy tendencies that God wants to change. Today’s a good day to stop wasting time in toxic patterns of living. For he has better in store for us.

He can accomplish great things through your prayers. He can move mountains. He can change hearts. Anything is possible through his great power. Understand that though it is never up to you to make someone different, he’s set you in their lives for a purpose, for a reason.

He loves you, he cares for you, and he has good in store for your future.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36).

Lord, protect me from the abuse and harm of toxic people. I know you desire to set me free—free from the hurt of others, but also free from my own sin and bondage in that sin. Help me have eyes to see toxic behavior around me and in me… and give me the strength, courage and resilience to break free from that toxicity and choose the path of life. Thank you for always protecting and guiding me Lord. Thank you for always being good, gracious, kind and loving. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. By Debbie McDaniel

We talk with pastors, leaders, counselors, parents and other care-givers who are struggling to be “cheerful givers” (2 Corinthians 9:7). In their helping of others they’ve become tired, stressed, or burned out. Problems with setting boundaries are a main reason why many pastors and leaders experience overwhelming ministry stress and eventually burnout.

Most people are surprised when I show them from the Bible examples of Jesus setting boundaries and practicing personal soul care. It’s no wonder we overdo in ministry, get worn out, and even burnout! Jesus had far more stress, far more pressure, and far more responsibility than any of us and yet he remained relaxed, joyful, and generous with people. He models and mediates for us living in God’s rhythms of grace.

Before we consider the Scriptures on Jesus’ way of life let’s make sure that we understand what our boundaries are and their importance to us and our relationship with the Lord.

Why Setting Boundaries is Important

Personal boundaries are what define your identity. They’re like the property lines around a home. This is my property and that is not my property. This is me — what I value, am good at, believe, need, or feel — and that is not me.To know yourself and be secure that you are loved is essential to all relationships and activities. The better your boundaries of self-awareness and self-definition are the greater your capacity to offer empathy and love to others. Good boundaries help you to care for others because you have a stable foundation to operate from and are not distracted or depleted by personal insecurities or blind spots. (That’s why it’s not “selfish” or unloving to have boundaries and “take care of yourself.”)

It’s especially important for care-givers to learn to set limits for their own soul care. First of all, because they have needs to be loved and respected as much as anyone else! Secondly, because a ministry leader with weak (poorly defined or insecure) boundaries will eventually become so stressed or emotionally depleted as to be ineffective or inappropriate in helping others. (Boundary problems are why pastors “fall.”)

Problems Setting Boundaries

Tired care-givers often have trouble saying no and avoid speaking the truth in love. They are more readily drawn into trying to rescue other people and without realizing it may end up enabling selfish or irresponsible behavior in the people they’re trying to help. They may get so enmeshed with the people they care for, trying to continually to please them and walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting them, that they “lose themselves.” They lose track of what they need and what’s important to them or what God has called them to do. At some point they may realize that they’re not being their true, God created and God redeemed self.

Usually people who minister to others as pastors or counselors are sensitive-hearted and prone to take on other people’s problems. If they don’t have clear personal boundaries and limits they get weighed down and walked on. Eventually they start having problems with anger, resentment, stress overload, or burn out. They just can’t continue being so helpful and caring all the time!

I Thought it Wasn’t Nice to Say No

In the early years of my ministry as a counselor and pastor, like many Christian leaders, I had the problem of feeling guilty if I set boundaries. I thought I had to say yes to what people felt they needed from me. I tried to please people and make them happy — I never wanted anyone to be disappointed or upset with me. To me it seemed selfish or “not nice” to say no to people with hurts and needs.

Finally I realized that I was not experiencing Jesus’ words, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). The problem was me! I was not a cheerful giver. I was giving out of compulsion and emptiness and wasn’t experiencing the grace of God abounding to me so that I could become a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7-9). I wasn’t looking to God enough, but was relying on myself to do more to help other people.

My pressured, enmeshed, and selfless way of helping others was causing me to be more and more anxious, depressed, and angry.

Setting Boundaries in Jesus’ Way

One of the things that helped turn me around before I totally burned out was to look prayerfully at the life of Jesus. I studied the gospels carefully and learned some things that surprised me because I hadn’t been taught them in church. I saw Jesus setting boundaries repeatedly.

I discovered that in his humanity Jesus had limitations that he accepted in a relaxed way. Like being in a human body that needed nourishment and rest and could only be in one place at at time. Like there only being 24 hours in a day. (Unlike the ambitious, overworking leaders I’ve talked with Jesus didn’t try to accomplish 26 hours of activity in a 24 hour day.)

Jesus had personal needs that he put priority on — sometimes even over the needs of other people — and he did so without feeling guilty. Primarily his personal soul care had to do with separating himself from people to be alone with God, who he called “Abba” (Papa). Jesus lived in a rhythm of life that not only kept him free from burn out, but far beyond that it kept him full of God, full of grace and truth, and therefore ready and able to be compassionate and generous in his his response to people, their needs, interruptions, and crisis situations.

Unlike many other servants of the Lord, Jesus did not live on the defensive, overextending himself and getting more and more tired and then finally taking a break. Instead, Jesus lived on the offensive in dealing with temptation and Satan. He was proactive in that he consistently invested in his intimacy with Abba and this gave him energy and focus. Because he lived this way he was never in danger of burnout.

Another thing I saw in the gospels is that Jesus wasn’t always nice to people. Often he didn’t do what people wanted him to do. There were people he didn’t help. And whenever he did help other people he expected them to do their part. For instance, even in Jesus’ miracles he asked people to do something, usually something they felt they couldn’t do. For Scriptural references of Jesus setting boundaries, see http://www.soulshepherding.org/1998/07/jesus-set-boundaries/

Lifting you up in prayer to the Lord Mooky.

I can relate to getting angry with people and feeling like avoiding people (especially at work). Even sometimes people who you believe are your friends can be quick to put you down behind your back (for the sake of making themselves look good). Trying to "one up" you or simply make you look wrong, stupid, inferior, weird etc.. (in order to make themselves feel superior) is a continuous game with people where I work. High school never ends.

Amen, I know how you feel, I kinda feel that way too.
Here is my understanding of anger. I hope this helps, Im not trying to give unsolicited advice.

But I never really understood anger until I took a propane saftey course to operate a forklift.
See Propane and anger only have 1 difference. That is the fact one is a liquid the other is an emotion.

Propane is a liquid, when it expands it becomes a gas, in an enclosed area becomes explosive, which is why it has to be stored out doors in a well ventelated area. Anger is the same thing, When you bottle up and store those emotions which make you angry, enough anger will become explosive. That is why you need to find a healthy way to ventelate your anger and fustration.

Actually the other thing is propane is useless unless its attached to something like a BBQ or a Forklift, and then it becomes a fuel source. If you attach that anger and fustration to something, like a cause for social justice, your anger becomes the passion to fuel your motivation for your cause.

I hope this helps.

Thanks for sharing, Mooky. I’m so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through. I just said a prayer for you, asking the Lord to surround you with His perfect love, joy, comfort, and peace. May He guide you and give you strength and patience as you look to Him in the days ahead. Hope everything goes well with you. Hugs!

Lord bless your daughter Mooky, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

I am very fond of you moody as I do notice the little things, I would imagine your similar where it's the heart felt things that mean the most. I too find life tough, I tend to carry on as though nothing is wrong, but the stress that my husband brings and his cancer and also having to deal with outside things like him going on about the neighbours and really drag me down. Sometimes living with someone who is suffering can be hard work. I'm here for you yes and even our own family gets us down. I do understand.

My text speller Spelt mooky wrong I do apologise, looks like I already look like an idiot. God bless you mooky x

Hi I laughed to myself when I saw dear moody instead of mooky. Ironic when mooky is on the subject of people being awful and moody. Just trying to lighten the mood. Mooky is great person and deserves to laugh. Xx

GLORY TO GOD