I’ve posted a prayer request on here before about my kids father and what he put me through. He treats me like crap, today I saw him while dropping off our oldest, and he was just rude and disrespectful. It makes me hate myself for having kids with him. It makes me angry to know that God sees how he is with me, and gives him everything he wants and he thinks he’s on top of the world. My son was saying the girls name he left me for today as well and I just feel so much heartache and bitterness and anger. I don’t understand God at all. I really don’t anymore.
Over it
- Thread starter Steph1512
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
U
I've tried to get some idea of what's going on with you. Truth is, it's not that uncommon. Many times you'll have a jerk husband change the marriage. He's usually making the bulk of the family income, so when he leaves things work for him. Meanwhile the wife, who was making little to no money, is stuck constantly struggling while the husband disappears. I've seen it many times before.
But, in reality, doesn't it make sense he's better off, at least by worldly standards? He planned his leaving and left on his time and under the conditions he wanted. He makes better money. And has less personal and financial responsibility. While planning a new life, still married to you, this is all set in motion.
Something similar happened to someone I knew. When they split he seemed to have all the money, all the control, all the freedom. She had the kids, bills and responsibility.
Now, though, 20 years later he is a drunk with mental illness that, literally, won't get off the couch to go to the bathroom. He hasn't worked in 10+ years. He is isolated and his kids want nothing to do with him.
Not that that is always the ending, but it shows you that you reap what you sow. Sometimes a person gets it back on earth, sometimes not.
But what's really sad about my friend is she's had 20 years to get her life on track. And she hasn't. She spent a lot of time angry that she was struggling and he was doing better. All the same things you're saying now. Now, at 51, her only "job" is babysitting her oldest daughter son.
She had all the skills and training to have a career, before her kids, and had done everything she needed to put it to use again. But she wasted it and now struggles.
Her problem? She doesn't let go of things. She wraps her life up in others lives, instead of moving forward with her own life. Now she's alone, trapped and depressed.
My last gf had a bad marriage. We met a few years after her divorce. We ended up dating and getting very serious. Marriage talk and everything. But her old marriage got in the way. I could tell she was holding on to a lot of resentment towards her ex, who rarely saw or called the kids and wasn't paying child support. She, unlike my friend, is working. But feels she's missing out on her kids lives. But so often, when she is home, the resentment builds and she can't enjoy her kids. And it ended an otherwise amazing relationship.
My point? Life isn't fair. People don't always get what they deserve. At least not in the timeframe we want it to happen.
God never said life was fair. And He never said He would make things easy for the "good guys" and difficult for the "bad guys". In fact the bible says, paraphrased, good and bad things happen to both good and bad people.
Best thing you can do is stop worrying about whatis and isn't happening regarding your ex. Stop waiting for "justice". You can live your life focused on him, or live Your life no matter what he's doing.
And God doesn't promise miracles. God Does say he will work all things together for the good of those that love God. That does Not mean every problem will be immediately taken care of, nor does it mean God will punish those who wronged you by making them struggle. If anything it means God will grow you past that desire and help you heal and move on.
It's all your choice what happens. You can live demanding vengeance and believe you are owed something, or you can let it go and focus on making things better.
But, in reality, doesn't it make sense he's better off, at least by worldly standards? He planned his leaving and left on his time and under the conditions he wanted. He makes better money. And has less personal and financial responsibility. While planning a new life, still married to you, this is all set in motion.
Something similar happened to someone I knew. When they split he seemed to have all the money, all the control, all the freedom. She had the kids, bills and responsibility.
Now, though, 20 years later he is a drunk with mental illness that, literally, won't get off the couch to go to the bathroom. He hasn't worked in 10+ years. He is isolated and his kids want nothing to do with him.
Not that that is always the ending, but it shows you that you reap what you sow. Sometimes a person gets it back on earth, sometimes not.
But what's really sad about my friend is she's had 20 years to get her life on track. And she hasn't. She spent a lot of time angry that she was struggling and he was doing better. All the same things you're saying now. Now, at 51, her only "job" is babysitting her oldest daughter son.
She had all the skills and training to have a career, before her kids, and had done everything she needed to put it to use again. But she wasted it and now struggles.
Her problem? She doesn't let go of things. She wraps her life up in others lives, instead of moving forward with her own life. Now she's alone, trapped and depressed.
My last gf had a bad marriage. We met a few years after her divorce. We ended up dating and getting very serious. Marriage talk and everything. But her old marriage got in the way. I could tell she was holding on to a lot of resentment towards her ex, who rarely saw or called the kids and wasn't paying child support. She, unlike my friend, is working. But feels she's missing out on her kids lives. But so often, when she is home, the resentment builds and she can't enjoy her kids. And it ended an otherwise amazing relationship.
My point? Life isn't fair. People don't always get what they deserve. At least not in the timeframe we want it to happen.
God never said life was fair. And He never said He would make things easy for the "good guys" and difficult for the "bad guys". In fact the bible says, paraphrased, good and bad things happen to both good and bad people.
Best thing you can do is stop worrying about whatis and isn't happening regarding your ex. Stop waiting for "justice". You can live your life focused on him, or live Your life no matter what he's doing.
And God doesn't promise miracles. God Does say he will work all things together for the good of those that love God. That does Not mean every problem will be immediately taken care of, nor does it mean God will punish those who wronged you by making them struggle. If anything it means God will grow you past that desire and help you heal and move on.
It's all your choice what happens. You can live demanding vengeance and believe you are owed something, or you can let it go and focus on making things better.
God is God.. Your kids dad is your kids dad... Don't get them mixed up..
Your relationship with God should not be affected by your relationships with people in this world..
Your kids dad has free will to do and say and think what ever he wills.. Let God judge him.. You need to move on with your own life and deal with your kids as best as you can.. Seek Gods help to give you strength to get you through these had times..
Your relationship with God should not be affected by your relationships with people in this world..
Your kids dad has free will to do and say and think what ever he wills.. Let God judge him.. You need to move on with your own life and deal with your kids as best as you can.. Seek Gods help to give you strength to get you through these had times..
It’s been hard. He literally treats me like a dog. It just hurts emotionally, he lets the other woman influence him by not “speaking” to me, and not in a hey let’s talk about our day but more so on him just checking in on the kids. I found out yesterday as well he’s going to fight me on child support when he hardly has the kids. I’m just so frustrated. He doesn’t call to ask if they need anything, nothing.
Hi, Steph. I understand your pain and disillusionment, your frustration and confusion. It is so hard to see someone who is so mean and negative seem to get all the good things in life. He might be just putting up an illusion that all is well in his life and remembering how he was to you, don't you think he is probably that way w the other lady and their life isn't all rosy either? Even if things are going good for him, there comes a time God brings to justice those who hurt and are hateful. Don't cower to his disrespect, demand to be treated respectfully, esp. in front of the kids. Stand up tall, make sure you look your best when you will see him, not for him but for you and your self esteem. Don't let him think you are his doormat, sweet friend. He will see the difference and treat you better. Do good things for you, take classes, there are so many free ones online or low cost ones like paint parties or just anything that you love doing. Take up new hobbies, stretch yourself, look for friends thru meetups of your interests and even for a partner for you, someone who will be kind and good to you. I'm sure you are doing these things, and maybe this is just an encouragement to keep on doing them and time will heal, life will get better and you won't always have to deal with him. Look to the future when you have just you and plan for it to be awesome, envision it and cont. in prayer. It will happen, sooner than you think. <3 Praying with you. Sorry you are hurting!
He hardly has the kids ? Looks like you're the one who got the real treasures. Guard them ; take care of them and , most of all, LOVE THEM..........Jesus loves little kids......we should all try to be more like our Savior because He loves us too. Forget wasting time thinking about all the bad.......look forward to the good. You got the kids......think about it.
U
I agree. But having spoken with numerous women in this situation it's a catch-22. Because now they are emotionally damaged and have to, at the same time, figure out how to pay bills, raise kids, work, maintain the house, deal with an ex purposefully making things harder and dealing with some deep, deep bitterness and resentment. It's overwhelming.
Eventually they will learn it's good the father isn't there to encourage the behavior, but often times the seed has been planted.
When I first ran into women like this I thought they needed to get over it. But eventually you see a pattern. Some do, eventually heal. Some don't. It's up to them to choose.
Eventually they will learn it's good the father isn't there to encourage the behavior, but often times the seed has been planted.
When I first ran into women like this I thought they needed to get over it. But eventually you see a pattern. Some do, eventually heal. Some don't. It's up to them to choose.
Psalm 37
1 A Psalm of David. Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
Patience. Fortitude. Throwing yourself completely upon the Lord.
Praying without ceasing. Crying. Faithfulness.
Read the psalms they are so much about pain and sorrow
trials and tribulations.
1 A Psalm of David. Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospers in his way, because of the man who brings wicked devices to pass.
8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
Patience. Fortitude. Throwing yourself completely upon the Lord.
Praying without ceasing. Crying. Faithfulness.
Read the psalms they are so much about pain and sorrow
trials and tribulations.
If it seems like the world rewards those who are far from God, that's because it does:
John 12:25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 15:19
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
James 4:4
Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
1 John 2:15
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
1 Corinthians 4:11
Even unto this present hour we both hunger, and thirst, and are naked, and are buffeted, and have no certain dwelling place; [SUP]12 [/SUP]And labor, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it: [SUP]13 [/SUP]Being defamed, we entreat: we are made as the filth of the world, and are the off scouring of all things unto this day. [SUP]14 [/SUP]I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you."
2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Matthew 5:3
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Luke 6:20
“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. 21 Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. 22 Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. 23 “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets. 24 “But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. 25 Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. 26 Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.
Matthew 10:22
You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Philippians 1:21
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith
1 Thessalonians 3:7
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. 8 For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.
John 12:25
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
John 15:19
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
James 4:4
Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
1 John 2:15
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
1 Corinthians 4:11
Even unto this present hour we both hunger, and thirst, and are naked, and are buffeted, and have no certain dwelling place; [SUP]12 [/SUP]And labor, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it: [SUP]13 [/SUP]Being defamed, we entreat: we are made as the filth of the world, and are the off scouring of all things unto this day. [SUP]14 [/SUP]I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you."
2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Matthew 5:3
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Luke 6:20
“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. 21 Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. 22 Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. 23 “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets. 24 “But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. 25 Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. 26 Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.
Matthew 10:22
You will be hated by everyone because of Me, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.
Philippians 1:21
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. 25 Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith
1 Thessalonians 3:7
Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. 8 For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.
I think nearly everyone that has had a relationship end that involves children has been in the same boat you are. It's a terrible, frustrating, helpless feeling. The truth of the matter is, we can't change anyone. Only God can do that. If he has no interest in God, he may be on top of the world now, but he will have much to answer for.
Let your character shine through to your children. He will suffer by comparison. It's not easy to take the high road, but it's certainly worth it in the end.
Praying God will work on his heart.
Let your character shine through to your children. He will suffer by comparison. It's not easy to take the high road, but it's certainly worth it in the end.
Praying God will work on his heart.
well said Ricky, and Ug,
for the world certainly does in a lot of such situations 'reward' those who are going against
God's Will and have over-stepped any semblance of honor or respect for the ones they have
left behind, who will greatly suffer, unless our Saviour steps in to help, guide, lead one
into His Holy Grace: but, one has to seek or even be drawn, else they will stay right
where they are and never 'over-come' the awfulness of the world's ways...they will
either stay where they are, or seek the courage to move forward in order to
achieve a 'new and better life' that our Saviour desires for us...often it's a catch 22,
according the strength and maturity and goals of one's self...
our up-bringing and what we have been through before marriage are so 'key' in the
choices that we do or don't make that are either right or wrong...this is such a
sad, sad, place to try and find how to live a good and proper and Godly life...
for the world certainly does in a lot of such situations 'reward' those who are going against
God's Will and have over-stepped any semblance of honor or respect for the ones they have
left behind, who will greatly suffer, unless our Saviour steps in to help, guide, lead one
into His Holy Grace: but, one has to seek or even be drawn, else they will stay right
where they are and never 'over-come' the awfulness of the world's ways...they will
either stay where they are, or seek the courage to move forward in order to
achieve a 'new and better life' that our Saviour desires for us...often it's a catch 22,
according the strength and maturity and goals of one's self...
our up-bringing and what we have been through before marriage are so 'key' in the
choices that we do or don't make that are either right or wrong...this is such a
sad, sad, place to try and find how to live a good and proper and Godly life...
Your story sounds like mine. I hadnt worked in 15 years when he left. I had 3 kids. I managed to get a mininum wage job and with that and child support, we were still below the poverty line. I think it is quite common. Dad was the main bread winner and now mom has to kick in. I trusted and believed in God. He is not prospering your husband over you. It just is how it is. God did not cause your situation but he will help you if you let him. I know you are angry and are heartbroken but don't blame God and don't be angry with Him. He loves you and has a plan if will just let him show you. Do you have a church family?....a pastor you can counsel with? Is life fair? Doesnt seem that way, but we serve an awesome faithful God that will make a way where there seems to be no way. Turn to Him and let Him comfort your broken heart and give you wisdom to raise your beautiful children. He did that for me. He will do it for you. Put your ex in God's hands and let Him deal with him. Drop your son off and don't engage. Start taking care of yourself and your children. Let that be your focus. Start making new memories and doing some things you love. You will be amazed at the strength you have. This is a new beginning for you. Maybe not one you planned on, but nonetheless, it is one! Dive in with all your heart in the days ahead. Draw some good boundaries and move forward. You can do this....and our loving Father will help you. You can count on it!
