We do not grow into a spiritual relationship step by step - we either have a relationship or we do not. God does not continue to cleanse us more and more from sin - “But if we walk in the light,” we are cleansed “from all sin” (1 John 1:7). It is a matter of obedience, and once we obey, the relationship is instantly perfected as He goes on to perfect us. But if we turn away from obedience for even one second, darkness and death are immediately at work again.
All of God’s revealed truths are sealed until they are opened to us through obedience. You will never open them through philosophy or thinking. But once you obey, a flash of light comes immediately.
I will pray for you and your child's father indeed, but I would say as advice to let God’s truth (reality) work into you by immersing yourself in it, not by worrying into it. The only way you can get to know the truth of God is to stop trying to find out and by being born again. If you obey God in the first thing He shows you, then He instantly opens up the next truth to you. You could read volumes on the work of the Holy Spirit, when five minutes of total, uncompromising obedience would make things as clear as sunlight. Don’t say, “I suppose I will understand these things someday!” You can understand them now. And it is not study that brings understanding to you, but obedience. Even the smallest bit of obedience opens heaven, and the deepest truths of God immediately become yours. Yet God will never reveal more truth about Himself to you, until you have obeyed what you know already. Beware of becoming one of the “wise and prudent.” “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know…” (John 7:17).
As you are with Him, do the will of the Father in that which He makes clear to you to do. And nothing is off the table, for He is your life. I have plenty of opinions concerning this, but I need only to share Scripture and let you sit in Christ's rest to hear Him.
* Jesus answered and said, "I thank You, Father…that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes." (Matthew 11:25).
* For this is the will of God, your sanctification. (1 Thessalonians 4:3).
* "Don't develop partnerships with those who are not followers of Jesus' teachings. For what real connection can exist between righteousness and rebellion? How can Light participate in darkness?" (2 Corinthians 6:14 VOICE).
* "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers ....(2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV).
My prayers are also there for you!