Suicide

Hello, everyone!

I live in an apartment building occupied by maybe ten different people - everyone is single except for two relatives who live together in one apartment. It's not a huge building, but people keep their distance for whatever reason. I hardly ever see the other residents, but even when I have and attempt to say hello, they just kind of look at me and keep walking in the opposite direction. So it's sort of sad sometimes.

Anyway... the walls are very thin and there is a hallway on the other side of my bedroom. One day I thought I heard a very muffled conversation out in the hallway and picked up enough of it to gather that someone had possibly died. But it was so quiet that I forgot all about it.

Various changes occurred, such as a missing vehicle, that led me to believe what I heard was correct. So I was a little sad about that, but not having ever hardly met any of the other residents, it didn't hit me that hard.

Then, I recently found out that not only did a person die, but someone committed suicide... And now it's obviously way sadder than before and now I feel bad that I haven't been more intentional on trying to get to know others.

But, everyone is as closed and suspicious as ever. One man refused to open his door the first time I knocked on it and I still hardly ever see anyone except when they make a beeline for their cars...

I'm personally not convinced that God put me in this building in order to try to convert everyone. Actually, I was struggling to recover from spiritual burnout when I moved here, so what I really needed was some time alone myself! Still, I can't help but wonder if I could have prevented that suicide if I had been more proactive... At the same time, what good would I be if I ignored my own needs and burned myself out further...?

I'm just struggling with if it's okay to take a break from more "extroverted" ministry even when those around you are still dying and lost? Pray that God will give me peace and insight about this.

Also pray for this man's relatives since I'm sure it was a shock to them.

If a person is intent on committing suicide, NOTHING will stop them.

Lord bless and be glorified in FenceMan's life in this matter. Lord use FenceMan and to bring these people in building to know and worship you. Let your among this people pour your love upon them and redeem them all. Lord also bless the family and relatives of those who died or committed suicide . Lord lay this prayer before you please bless FenceMan and others around . In Jesus loving name, Amen!

Hello FenceMan. I dont think you should feel guilty about it like Blue said its quite difficult to convince a person intent on suicide . Im of course not saying you shouldnt try but seeing how there was no way of knowing concidering how anti social everyone is I dont think you should blame yourself. It might hard but I think you should try talking to someone there. What do you mean by burnout?

Well, I had just come through a time of great stress where I had to make a major life decision and God was silent. I was being pulled in two completely different directions (both ministries) and I had a mountain of expectations of family and friends and loved ones weighing on me who were all convinced God had prepared me for one of those options despite my misgivings. Ultimately, I chose the ministry that didn't have the popular support, but the ordeal stretched on for years... It was horrible.

In the meantime I was serving as a greeter and usher at church, attending Bible college, ministering to male prostitutes once a week, preaching sermons at a nursing home, and a volunteer teacher at a Chinese school...

So yeah. I was burned out.

Thank you, levi85

Wow! Im jealous! Youve done so much for the Lord and I havent even found the right church yet!Lol Well you have certainly earned a rest! I pray that someday I can accomplish something for the Lord. I will pray for you as its all I can do to help

And I'm also an extreme introvert. Where are the tired smilies when you need them...?

Really, I don't feel like I've done a whole lot for the Lord yet. There are so many more things that I could do, but obviously I'm not the only Christian around and He will use others like yourself in places I'll never go. Basically, just strive to follow where He leads. And if He asks you to stay where you are, stay.

Here's a tired smile

Yeah me too! I rarely leave the house.I have aspergers and it leads to a lot of anxiety like the fear of driving for example. Right now im looking for a good church I can get into

I praise God we have a Wonderful Counsellor, a Prince of Peace that we can go to in times of need. For anyone to think we Christians don't suffer the "ups and downs" of life is beyond me. There are times we all need to recharge our batteries. In today's world, where even being a Christian can be stressful, we should never forget where our strength comes from and who it is that heals all our wounds. You are to be commended for the many things you are doing in the service of our Lord. You are in our prayers for strength and inner peace. May God richly bless you as you continue to serve Him.

Even Jesus took time from His ministry to pray alone in the mountain or with just some close friends.

Don't feel guilty if you need a break and you don't have to do the obvious "extroverted" activities....sometimes praying and keeping your eyes and ears open to be friendly might give God the chance to use you in His time.


If you felt up to it you could share encouraging scriptures through cards or invite them to dinner or something but in truth I think just praying and being friendly and willing to listen is enough.

As for the person who committed suicide, it's sounds like you harbor some feelings of guilt for not doing enough?

Not sure what to say, except to suggest you pray and ask God what He thinks of the situation?

I'm not sure I'd say I have Asperger's but I definitely have characteristics of it. The signs of Asperger's describes me probably 75%. Especially I've noticed lately how I tend to bring up very random conversation topics with others out of nowhere and talk enthusiastically about it when the other person really couldn't care less. And the reality is, I don't care that much either, but there's something therapeutic about getting the abundance of information out of my head... I've been trying to reign myself in a bit. The funny thing is, I only talk to a select few people. So one person will get their ears talked off by me while another person in the room I feel awkward even acknowledging. Recently it was my boss' birthday, and the closest I could come to saying "Happy Birthday" was pointing out to him that it fell on a holiday... :\

Whatever church you settle one, just remember no church will be perfect. Look for something that is Biblically solid and you feel like you are being challenged in your faith. Find a place where people are real, but don't use their human-ness as an excuse for sinning more. And don't be sucked in by legalism where people make you feel bad for something as simple as missing a service because you were sick that Sunday.

Thank you! Haha

Oh! And I hated driving for a long time, too. I didn't even want to get my license. I was convinced I'd have an accident. And I did within a year...

But last summer I challenged myself to do a photographic study of local churches, meaning I had to drive around to all of them. Through that, I got used to the idea of taking wrong turns, turning around in people's driveways, getting lost and driving by the same house five times within twenty minutes, almost turning down a one way street and getting yelled at by a local resident, and fearing that my car would overheat as I drove up and down over steep hills. Now, I have to remind myself to focus on the road and not look around so much!

Yeah I'm pretty positive I'll have an accident as soon as I start. My reaction time is less then normal and my hand eye coordination isn't the best despite years of video games lol (Thats an outright lie)

I agree with Monnkai...what happened has happened...and you are definitely not to blame. Maybe you could try different things to break the ice with the other residents there. Handing them tracts or leaving little innuendoes at their doors...if it's not intrusive or difficult for you. You might be able to change the situation. But don't ever feel as though it's all on you. Prayer and faith in the One who waters the seeds and sends the sun is greater than anything we try to do. Blessings -student

Actually, I never saw my accident coming. Someone hit me... But yeah I understand.

Yeah, people just are extremely suspicious and fearful around here. I wouldn't be surprised that if I left something at their door they'd call the police suspecting it's a disguised bomb or something!

I can see this is a tough situation for you. I think there are two things to consider here. 1. Burnout-you were quite busy based on that laundry list of service. If God rested after creation and set aside the sabbath for his creation to rest, who are we to think we can be all things to all people. Yes, ministry is an "all in" kind of work, but we do have to take rest ourselves. Try to not feel guilty over needing a break, and to learn that most helpful little word, "no". 2. Suicide - prayers for the family and to your little community. Despite the distancing, it may well be affecting them also, and may be behind the resistance to socialize. My experience at a crisis center led to the theory that if a person has made up their mind, there is not much we can do to change it. It sounds like you are doing what you can to console your neighbors. Prayers for you as you find your path.