I've been a long time user of CC, but I made a new account to b anonymous because the nature of this topic is so sensitive and I'm going to give u different advice from everyone else.
My husband and I were the same as you. We're both Korean Americans so I can understand the culture of blind dates and arranged marriages. He is a pastor's son, and his dad served in Korea. He was put through an arranged marriage and never saw his wife again, and we were struggling. Kudos to u for moving away from him. I couldn't. We fell to sin time and time again for six years. We were praying, but not doing anything about it. He hid his marriage from his friends, and I never told anyone about our dilemma. We also asked God for a sign that was answered. We used that as our excuse to continue sinning, and I am not proud of it. I'm proud of u for doing something before it even happens, because we didn't.
Keep staying away. U already said it urself that even if God intends for u to be together, it's not now. He's a married man and u can't let urself be involved. Confront him about stalking if u do meet again, but I don't think he is. Why would any man keep stalking a woman who he isn't getting anything but rejection from for five years? This could be God reminding u two to be patient and have faith. U both need to focus on ur own life, not on each other, and just trust ur paths will cross again. Even if he did arrange all the meetings, it could just be a mutual friend telling him info out of sympathy, and nothing as serious as getting hacked or bugged. It's not that far-fetched, since it's normal for friends to update someone after a break up. If that's the case he might just be going to u when he's feeling especially lonely and vulnerable. He has to be a lonely man to be married to a girl he never sees, and is in love with a girl he can't have. I'm not saying it's okay for him to do this, especially since u've gone through great lengths to avoid him, but from what i'm reading, it's much more likelier than him hacking u. Plus, once or twice a year is not that often. He could be getting information from the friend and trying to resist the temptation to see u. If he bugged u with the intentions of stalking u, it would be much more often.
With my husband and I, I felt so broken because I couldn't feel guilty, but that doesn't seem to be where u r. U r already ahead. I knew what we were doing was wrong, but I felt so justified in the circumstances. I was first, he loved me, not her. God finally put it in my heart to admit that even if I couldn't feel like what I was doing was wrong, I knew that it was. I started teaching English in Korea to stay away. In the beginning, we still kept in touch. We had a big time difference, so we couldn't call much, and we were able to have time apart to reflect on our sinful relationship. We laid it down to God, and chose to finally cut contact. We took the easy way out, since the time zone difference made contact hard to begin with, but that was when God began working in our lives. Long story short, God convicted him to be honest with his parents and wife about me. He left a voice message on my answering machine, flew to Korea, and took me to meet his wife and parents. It was very emotional when he admitted to his family that he was in love with me, and we were together before and after the marriage. I repented to his wife for not keeping away and seducing him. His parents were angry that he didn't tell them, and kept apologizing to me for breaking us apart. The five of us prayed together for maybe three hours that day, and began the divorce procedures the very next day. His then-wife said she was not happy with their marriage, because they didn't see each other either. She said she was relieved that she didn't have to stay married to him, because eventually they had to meet again just to fulfill the job of "making babies". Of course idk if she was just being nice about it, but I think she was sincere. No one wants to be in a marriage with someone they never get to see, and she is married to someone she met during their marriage now.
Dont pray for their break up. As a woman, u r his support, and u must keep supporting him to go towards God. U can only support him through prayer right now, so pray for his spiritual life. Pray for him to lay down his sin b4 his parents and wife. That is the only way. U have done what u can to keep him accountable and u have made enough sacrifices to pay for his sin. In the end, u r not Jesus Christ. U can't take his sin for him. He is responsible for his own sin, and he still has to pay his price. Demi is right, right now he just has two women, and this is his selfishness. This began because of his sins in his fear of man (pleasing family and tradition), deceit (marrying and vowing to love a woman he could not love), and unfaithfulness (to his wife AND u). He needs to face them and ask them for forgiveness, and make a decision to make things right. I will be praying for u that u'll be ok with whatever happens. Sin will make it so that someone has to hurt. Japanese culture is very big on "shame", so his family AND the girl will be going through a lot of shame if they divorce. He chose his family b4, so maybe he will choose family again, but we don't know. If u believe the orchids are a sign from God, then trust that everything will work out. Look at how God has blessed my relationship. Never did I think it was possible when he first told me he had to marry someone else. My husband and I did everything wrong, but when we surrendered, God led us to a path of repentance, and showed us His faithfulness. We have been married for three years now and have a healthy pair of twins.
I'm not telling u this so u will have false hope, but everyone is just telling u that it cant work. Don't count on it working, but don't write it off as impossible. Jacob loved Rachel, but was given Leah. He endured 7 more years of labor to gain Rachel's hand in marriage, and God blessed both marriages. Through Leah comes Christ, but through Rachel, Joshua enters Jerusalem. In God, anything is possible, if we abide by Him. We are all sinners, and this sin wreaks havoc in our lives and hearts. Sometimes the only way to amend things is to take out what was wrong in the first place. It could be his feelings for you, but it could also be his current marriage that will be gone. U r not wrong to have feelings for him. They existed even before his marriage. He is the one sinning, and u have been taking the brunt of it, even in this cc forum. U r strong, and I will keep praying for God to guard ur heart against the trials to come. U have a good foundation and u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders. Use that for discerning right and wrong. Don't limit God's plan to what u think u understand, and don't be afraid of judgement from others. Don't beat urself up over this and keep fighting sin and temptation like u r now.
Praying for u, girlie. I hope God will reveal to u His plan in due time. This trial is a time u both need to take as a time to draw closer to God. Meanwhile, pray for the guy's heart and repentance. If u end up together, I'm happy for u, and u will have a strong testimony in ur relationship. If not, God has even greater plans, so don't be discouraged.
