F
Some days I think to myself, " what an idiot,you are crying over a piece of wood, nails and paint." Then other times, I think, but it was my home where I built memories and had some many wonderful plans.
I bought a house, that most people would ony be able to dream of having as a first home. I worked hard to get it, prayed often for specific things involving my house. My home, woud have the master on the main, a basement, and a big yard, where other homes weren't located on ( too close) top of my home. My prayer was to own such a home by the time my oldest child became a teen. It happened! My prayer was answered. It had everything I wanted. It had 5 bedrooms with a potential for 4 more rooms in the basement. My backyard was huge! The only time I resented it temporariy was when the lawn needed cutting..LOL
This house had a beautiful architecture with a lovely ( real wood) cherry wood flooring in the foyer. I can't get this house out of my head and it's been 4 years nos since my loss. Since then everything has been a healing process. I wake in the night in tears, because I miss my house! I planted flowers and trees and had a plan to build a Koi pond in the back yard.
Now, I live in an apartment, where I feel embarrassed. I worked hard to be a home owner, to wake up in the morning and have breakfast on my patio and read the newspaper. Oh! while listening to the peace of the waterfall from the pond. A simple life! I know, but thats what I wanted. Now in the apartment life, my car gets scratched, people make noise all the time, the yard is never as clean as I kept my own. I keep requesting for certain things, that never get repaired. The walls are so thin, you can even hear someone peeing in the apartment next door. I hate it! Most of all I hate the fact, that I'm treated like a rent check instead of a homeowner.
I've spent so much time grieving over my loss. I searched for others who have gone through this to get support, but I haven't found anyone to lean on. When I tell people they say, "thats just material get over it." They are right, but also, know that I paid a lot to live there, I made changes to enhance it more than while I lived there and it was my sanction. After 4 years, I guess time has begun to heal me. Now, I can at least say it with out crying.." I loss my house." I use to burst into tears soon after saying it.
My financial status is still unstable. However, I am paying too much to live in an apartment for what I get in it. My hopes is to find another house, even if I have to rent it for a while, it means I am making strides to homeownership again. Everyone I speak to about a house wants a down payment, or the house is very small, needs plenty of repairs, or very pretty and knowone willing to work anything out with me. I thought with this economy private owners would be more flexible. I guess they'll help if you have the money. I spent 7,000 catching up my payments on my house and the mortgage company over looked my paper work, where they agreed to let me keep my house. I only needed 2,000 to be caught up. They sneakly had a foreclosure date. Without listening to my entire story you would think I'm crazy. In reality it hurt, because I paid too much to become current. It's like they stole money from me and took my home. The craziest thing of it all is that my house was a 300,000 home, by which they sold it for 60,000. The mortgage company took a huge loss, so why not allow me to keep my home?
I won't go further with this story. It woud be too much to read. It hurts to know the new homeowners have my house, built a swimming pool and cut down all my trees. They are enjoying the fruits of my labor. Now, all I want is to find total peace. Pray for me please. I am in a better mental place, but need the strength to go on and someone to have symphathy.
I feel I 'll never get a nice home again. My next home may be something I have to fix up.
I bought a house, that most people would ony be able to dream of having as a first home. I worked hard to get it, prayed often for specific things involving my house. My home, woud have the master on the main, a basement, and a big yard, where other homes weren't located on ( too close) top of my home. My prayer was to own such a home by the time my oldest child became a teen. It happened! My prayer was answered. It had everything I wanted. It had 5 bedrooms with a potential for 4 more rooms in the basement. My backyard was huge! The only time I resented it temporariy was when the lawn needed cutting..LOL
This house had a beautiful architecture with a lovely ( real wood) cherry wood flooring in the foyer. I can't get this house out of my head and it's been 4 years nos since my loss. Since then everything has been a healing process. I wake in the night in tears, because I miss my house! I planted flowers and trees and had a plan to build a Koi pond in the back yard.
Now, I live in an apartment, where I feel embarrassed. I worked hard to be a home owner, to wake up in the morning and have breakfast on my patio and read the newspaper. Oh! while listening to the peace of the waterfall from the pond. A simple life! I know, but thats what I wanted. Now in the apartment life, my car gets scratched, people make noise all the time, the yard is never as clean as I kept my own. I keep requesting for certain things, that never get repaired. The walls are so thin, you can even hear someone peeing in the apartment next door. I hate it! Most of all I hate the fact, that I'm treated like a rent check instead of a homeowner.
I've spent so much time grieving over my loss. I searched for others who have gone through this to get support, but I haven't found anyone to lean on. When I tell people they say, "thats just material get over it." They are right, but also, know that I paid a lot to live there, I made changes to enhance it more than while I lived there and it was my sanction. After 4 years, I guess time has begun to heal me. Now, I can at least say it with out crying.." I loss my house." I use to burst into tears soon after saying it.
My financial status is still unstable. However, I am paying too much to live in an apartment for what I get in it. My hopes is to find another house, even if I have to rent it for a while, it means I am making strides to homeownership again. Everyone I speak to about a house wants a down payment, or the house is very small, needs plenty of repairs, or very pretty and knowone willing to work anything out with me. I thought with this economy private owners would be more flexible. I guess they'll help if you have the money. I spent 7,000 catching up my payments on my house and the mortgage company over looked my paper work, where they agreed to let me keep my house. I only needed 2,000 to be caught up. They sneakly had a foreclosure date. Without listening to my entire story you would think I'm crazy. In reality it hurt, because I paid too much to become current. It's like they stole money from me and took my home. The craziest thing of it all is that my house was a 300,000 home, by which they sold it for 60,000. The mortgage company took a huge loss, so why not allow me to keep my home?
I won't go further with this story. It woud be too much to read. It hurts to know the new homeowners have my house, built a swimming pool and cut down all my trees. They are enjoying the fruits of my labor. Now, all I want is to find total peace. Pray for me please. I am in a better mental place, but need the strength to go on and someone to have symphathy.
I feel I 'll never get a nice home again. My next home may be something I have to fix up.
