Suffice it to say, i had a very traumatic childhood. My church started this new series calles Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. Its really good, but has also proven traumatic for me. When doing the very introspective devotionals i find myself more frequently experiencing almost fully dissociative flashbacks. Now Ive had flashbacks for years but never this severe. If you've never heard of dissociation, its basically a lapse in reality. Its like being sucked into another demension. Ive been able to keep grounded, more or less, but its like anchoring yourself on a post in the middle of a tornado. Think "Twister".
Its also led to night time panic attacks while sleeping. I wake up several time a night with shallow breathing, fear, and tension.

Yes, Jordache. I have experienced disassociation and, for me, it was extremely terrifying. My episode stemmed from severe clinical depression with extreme anxiety and is managed by medication. As I'm sure you have learned, the way to personally manage the anxiety, which causes the disassociation, is to relax...completely, and avoid ANYTHING which causes you ANY anxiety. If doing this study is causing you to have these episodes....ditch it! At least until a later time when you are better able to process it. With this type of reaction to a specific thing that you can pinpoint, I'd truly seek a good Christian therapist who can assist you with weeding your way through it in a healthy way that you can better take on. Disassociation is EXTREMELY dangerous..please don't go it alone, sis. I will be in prayer for you.

I am seeing a Christian counselor. Though Ive considered possibly stopping, i feel like i need to push through. Im am learning that feelings are just feelings and not reality... But its still terrifying.

I will be praying for you...remember this ...

1 Peter 5:8 - 11
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

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Psalm 126:5,6
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.
He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

Praying for you.

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Woof woof! n.n

There are a few people who've told me to stop doing the specific devotion. Maybe im a glutton for punishment, but i just really dont want to. I want to
be healed and if i quit now then ill just have to pick it up somewhere down the line. I dont want to allow my past, the enemy or
my flesh to get the best of me. I'd rather endure the pain which i am confident wont kill me and ill be healed of then postpone it. I'd rather run right through the
fire and find the other side eventually then postpone the inevitable.

Standing with you in prayers in Jesus.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

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It is in our weakness that God's power is made perfect!

Father i pray for Jordache that anyone that comes close to her will feel the love that you have for us,through her and they will be drawn to her and want to help her,until the fullness of the Spirit of Jesus is formed in her and in them and Father work with her even in her dreams help her to know that you are near her and in her heart and in her mouth,give her that desire to crave that good,and aceptable and perfect will of God.....In JESUS name.......amen.