J
I grew up unable to express most emotions. In order to protect myself from many things I learned not to feel. I've been in counseling for a little over a year now and it's done wonders, but that story is for the testimony forum. I'm working on intregrating since due to a severely abusive childhood Im pretty split, though short of multiple personalities. I have a good support system and I notice I get rather desperate sometimes. It took me a while to figure out what those times are, and I realized tha they occur when I am sad. Now, I don't always clobber people when I'm sad, but my first instinct is desperation because I don't realize I'm just sad. So the prayer request is this. I've had to learn that emotions won't kill me. Disappointment and anger and fear and shame will not be the death of me. But I haven't gotten to that point with sadness. I really just don't know what to do with myself. I don't know what to say or how to handle it. I have a lot of joy, but since my dad died and my mom stopped speaking to me, and a whole lot of other things, sadness is my overwhelming negative emotion.
The other thing I've been learning is patience. I'm a doer and a go-getter. While I know I'm not stagnant, I feel like I am. I like to plan for the future, and right now I have no future to plan. I've been amidst a divorce with my husband for a while now. My husband recently decided he wanted to work things out though he hasn't spoken to me since december of last year. He SAYS a lot of stuff, but I have to see if action follows. It all feels like emotional whiplash. I want to hope, but I don't know what to hope in. I don't want a divorce, but it feels like the best option much of the time. I wish I could dream again, but I don't know what to dream anymore.
Please dont make this some theological debate on marriage. This decision has not gone without lots of prayer and counsel.
The other thing I've been learning is patience. I'm a doer and a go-getter. While I know I'm not stagnant, I feel like I am. I like to plan for the future, and right now I have no future to plan. I've been amidst a divorce with my husband for a while now. My husband recently decided he wanted to work things out though he hasn't spoken to me since december of last year. He SAYS a lot of stuff, but I have to see if action follows. It all feels like emotional whiplash. I want to hope, but I don't know what to hope in. I don't want a divorce, but it feels like the best option much of the time. I wish I could dream again, but I don't know what to dream anymore.
Please dont make this some theological debate on marriage. This decision has not gone without lots of prayer and counsel.
