Confusing encounters

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J

Jordache

Guest
#1
So I have my share of issues which many of you have read about. I am not so comfortable with setting bold and in the moment boundaries. I tend to freeze, get scared, and analyze 10,000 best approaches. Today at church I was head down and hands folded, praying. A man, over 20 yrs older than I who has been very interested in me, came from the back of the church. He had been watching me. He sat really close, through his arm around me, and leaned in really close. I put my head up immediately and he slid his arm down my back and rested it on my hip. I waited a moment because I though it may have been an accident, but he stay much longer than he would have had it been accidental. I adjusted myself to create distance, and immediately began pondering how to get out of the encounter. I found my way out after a couple minutes.
This man is so much on rebound that he doesn't even make the charts. Since we were both in the same divorce class, he knows a little about me, and probably feels a bit of intimate connection with me. I know he watched me because several people have pointed it out. He has offered me rides which I've refused. He announced that he spent all week thinking about me. He stared and grins whenever I pass by. I try to be cordial, but not friendly. But today's encounter left me a little shaken.
I guess I should be meaner, or what I consider meaner; but its just so against who I am. I'm nice. I love and help people. I don't tell them off. I guess I'm a but spineless.
 
C

ChurchLover

Guest
#2
So I have my share of issues which many of you have read about. I am not so comfortable with setting bold and in the moment boundaries. I tend to freeze, get scared, and analyze 10,000 best approaches. Today at church I was head down and hands folded, praying. A man, over 20 yrs older than I who has been very interested in me, came from the back of the church. He had been watching me. He sat really close, through his arm around me, and leaned in really close. I put my head up immediately and he slid his arm down my back and rested it on my hip. I waited a moment because I though it may have been an accident, but he stay much longer than he would have had it been accidental. I adjusted myself to create distance, and immediately began pondering how to get out of the encounter. I found my way out after a couple minutes.
This man is so much on rebound that he doesn't even make the charts. Since we were both in the same divorce class, he knows a little about me, and probably feels a bit of intimate connection with me. I know he watched me because several people have pointed it out. He has offered me rides which I've refused. He announced that he spent all week thinking about me. He stared and grins whenever I pass by. I try to be cordial, but not friendly. But today's encounter left me a little shaken.
I guess I should be meaner, or what I consider meaner; but its just so against who I am. I'm nice. I love and help people. I don't tell them off. I guess I'm a but spineless.

Sis maybe God was speaking to him about you who know God works in Mysterious ways when sometimes you don't even know it's him speaking to you, he might like you too and see how you react around him God could be moving you somewhere where he wants you to be sis i'm here for you if you need to talk
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#3
There is no "like you too". I don't need anymore relational issues in my life. But if he thinks its appppropriate to rest his hand on my hip, then whats next? I do not want to fall into something crazy with him. And I don't want him to feel like he can touch me or hold me in any way he'd like. I need prayer for setting boundaries. I should have just got up and left, or told him that resting his hand on my hip was inappropriate. But I didn't because I was scared.
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#4
Jesus is the man you need to be with right now. If my wife were alive, she'd be the first one to remind you that your worship gift is a way to make love to Him.
 
L

libertygirl

Guest
#5
Tell him not to do it again. There are some men that won't get the point until you start ignoring them. Maybe have your Pastor talk to him about the staring problem. I will be praying. :)
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#6
This will seem exaggerated. I apologize, but it's my process. While this encounter may have been relatively contained, I am left overwhelmed and wanting to hurt myself.
My inner 8, 9, and 13 yr old have come to life once again.
8-yr-old: I was sitting on my uncles lap when my mom yanked me off and screamed, "NEVER, and I mean never sit on a mans lap like that. What are you trying to do?"
9-yr-old: I was groped by my 25-yr-old babysitter in such a circumstance that it really didn't register what had actually happened. When my brother told my mom because I really didn't know there was a reason to mention it, she grabbed me by the arm and stared me down. "You should be ashamed of yourself. How dare you let him do that?!" Then she threw me in the car and stomped off.
13-yr-old: Moms boyfriends showed me more attention than they did her. It didn't take long for the names to regularly fly, names you'd see scratch on the door of the girls highschool locker room.
 
L

liz247

Guest
#7
Hi, my Sister in Christ. I to have a hard time confronting people for fear of rejection. What this man did was deffinately innappropiate. especially if he is a true follower of Christ. I would definately express my concerns to the Pastor or someone in your church who you trust and has Godly wisdom. It sounds a bit like lust to me and that is definitely innproprate. I will pray God would give you strength and help you deal with the situation as God would want you to. God bless you.
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#8
This will seem exaggerated. I apologize, but it's my process. While this encounter may have been relatively contained, I am left overwhelmed and wanting to hurt myself.
My inner 8, 9, and 13 yr old have come to life once again.
8-yr-old: I was sitting on my uncles lap when my mom yanked me off and screamed, "NEVER, and I mean never sit on a mans lap like that. What are you trying to do?"
9-yr-old: I was groped by my 25-yr-old babysitter in such a circumstance that it really didn't register what had actually happened. When my brother told my mom because I really didn't know there was a reason to mention it, she grabbed me by the arm and stared me down. "You should be ashamed of yourself. How dare you let him do that?!" Then she threw me in the car and stomped off.
13-yr-old: Moms boyfriends showed me more attention than they did her. It didn't take long for the names to regularly fly, names you'd see scratch on the door of the girls highschool locker room.
Jordache, I understand, for what this man did, made you feel like a victem again, and why didnt I do something?
You could not respond simply because most of your life you were not allowed to, and never had the security to learn how.
Been there myself, I want you to know that as you heal you will learn how to set your boundries.
It took time for me as well.
Jesus helped me, with small steps, :) you did respond to that man and did set boundries, though small, it was a true beginning. :)
The person who helped me always reminded me that one cannot run way ahead, otherwise they will miss the important lessons along the way. :)
Just keep looking to Jesus, He will teach you what to do and how , with His love. :)
You are and remain in my daily prayers in Jesus. :)

Hugs and God bless
pickles
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#9
The Lord asked me to tell you that He wants some regular time with you. It would be great if you could make an appointment for an hour a day, and start by singing (or playing and singing) love songs to Him. He wants to be the man in your life for now. He wants to teach you about all this, and about how these emotions are the source of the ministry of worship. This is how my wife got healed and how she became who she was to be in Him. It may take a while, so please give Him the time He needs, for yourself and for the future of the Body of Christ on earth.
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#10
I keep lifting you to the Father, Jordache, and trusting Him for everything concerning you in Jesus.
You are a faithful child to your Abba, dear one. ♥
-ellie
 
L

libertygirl

Guest
#11
This will seem exaggerated. I apologize, but it's my process. While this encounter may have been relatively contained, I am left overwhelmed and wanting to hurt myself.
My inner 8, 9, and 13 yr old have come to life once again.
8-yr-old: I was sitting on my uncles lap when my mom yanked me off and screamed, "NEVER, and I mean never sit on a mans lap like that. What are you trying to do?"
9-yr-old: I was groped by my 25-yr-old babysitter in such a circumstance that it really didn't register what had actually happened. When my brother told my mom because I really didn't know there was a reason to mention it, she grabbed me by the arm and stared me down. "You should be ashamed of yourself. How dare you let him do that?!" Then she threw me in the car and stomped off.
13-yr-old: Moms boyfriends showed me more attention than they did her. It didn't take long for the names to regularly fly, names you'd see scratch on the door of the girls highschool locker room.
The enemy wants to bring the shame and memories back to you over and over again. So I pray for a hedge of protection around you. I pray that God would heal those wounds from your childhood. I pray that He would get rid of the shame you feel. You're not a bad person. You're a blessing, Jordache. Amen. :)
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#12
I think you should follow your instincts. Better to cause a little pain now than a lot later. There is a way to be distantly polite and get the point across.
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#13
Tell him the truth...
Or he will not get it!

Pray and ask God for the words

I'm praying for you too!