Back in late April, my wife came to me and said she never loved me - she said she was tired of living a lie wanted a divorce.

We were married last September, and she said she thanks God that we were married only a short time.

She says she isn't attracted to me in any way, that we are completely incompatible - sexually, physically, emotionally - or spiritually. She doesn't feel any passion for me, and wants to find somebody she can feel passionate about, then turns around and hurts me more by saying I should go out and find somebody who does want to be with me.

It's torn me apart emotionally.

I admit that I wasn't always a good husband, that I was too passive when it came to the things of God, not going to church when she seemed disinterested, not leading spiritually.

We seemed hot to start, but started losing steam, and I saw the warning signs, and I did try to act on them, but failed

Then, when I got angry, I fear I became self righteous, though I didn't intend to be. She moved out shortly after that. I never hit her, and that was the only time I was ever moved with anger against her and yelled at her.

She filed for divorce back in May, attorneys have been hired and have been working on this and she's made it clear that "we have nothing to talk about"

I first knew this girl back in jr high/high school - I had the biggest crush in the world on her back then, though it was one sided - but as is normal for military families, we parted our separate ways - only to discover later on as young adults that our parents were both from the same state.

Even then, that was short lived, she was doing things she wasn't proud of and hated her life here - and moved back from here in Albuquerque, to Kansas City - then in February of last year, after nearly 13 years since our last meeting, she found me on my space.

We met up... and I fell in love with her all over again. We started spending more and more time together, and given all the things that had been happening in my life, I was (and still am) absolutely certain that God brought her in my life for a reason - but she wasn't saved. She wanted to know of the things of God, and was interested in me being a Christian, that she wanted it so bad, but wasn't sure of her own salvation... during our relationship, she confessed faith in God.

I asked her to marry me, and she said yes - she later on admitted she had her doubts and felt that she was never excited about our relationship, that it just wasn't meant to be - not that she told me any of this at the time.

It wasn't a long engagement, we got married on the fly - and I was filled with great joy.

But now that dream is shattered, and I ache. I trust in God to get me through this, but it is painful. We may have gotten married for the wrong reasons, - we were already fooling around, and we rushed in...I can accept that, but it shouldn't lead to further sin.

I've shared with her in scripture what God calls us to do, and what marriage means, what it's supposed to mean, and God's feelings on divorce. She's said she's tired of me talking about the bible, and yet turned around and had said she can be a perfectly good Christian without me.

She refuses to acknowledge that she's in sin, and back in June, went as far as saying she found a renewed relationship and love with God. Yet how can we approach the throne with unresolved and unrepentant sin in our lives?

Since that time, she's lied to me several times. She said there was nobody else back in April, yet after poking around enough early on, she had started a new relationship in June, albiet a long distance one - with a man in San Antonio, TX. She told me the guy was her cousin. After confronting her on this, she cut me off of her myspace, but by then, it was too late. The man has his own stuff on myspace, and his posts, and his page tells a different story. It seems he met her back in April by his implications, and has a picture on his myspace of the two of them kissing each other in an intimate way. He's posted stories of his summer, and what he's been through - a divorce not too long gone for him either, so it seems that it's a rebound relationship for both of them.

Pray for me, that any further discussions would be fruitful, that I would be changed even more by the Holy Spirit to be the man God wants me to be. Pray that I don't take a self righteous stand, and that I have wisdom in talking to her. Pray that I'm filled with God's grace and that she find something attractive in that. Pray that I would speak the truth - in love, but the truth nonetheless. Pray that I would resist the temptations of the flesh - as I miss the intimacy we had together.

Pray for her, that God would open up her eyes that she's sowing to the flesh. Pray that the Holy Spirit would lay a deep guilt in her life that can only be overcome by repentance, pray that the Holy Spirit show her what God's righteousness is and what He wants her to do, and pray that God would show her the blessings she will have if she repents, but also the consequences of her actions if she won't repent. Pray that God disciplines her with His loving hand, to bring repentance about, so she can experience His grace and forgiveness.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my walk with God, worse than when my dad passed away. I nearly committed suicide, until God really showed me that my significance comes from Him, and to see myself through His eyes, and not view myself as my wife has.

Pray for a peace to be settled in my heart, and joy, in spite of the pain.

And pray that God lead her to reconciliation - of which I've asked for her to consider many times - and her response has been that she never loved me, and she never will love me.

Ron

Sounds like she has a lot of searching to do. I'll pray for both of you.

Both of you are in my prayers. God bless. pickles