C
Please pray for me. It's been nearly a year since I broke up with a girl I been with since I was 16. We still are friends, maybe even best friends. But it's so hard to move on. I have several times, but then I feel alone and look back at her. I love God and I know God can fill in that hole in my heart. So when I spend my life in Him, I still feel like I'm missing something. I feel the divine love, but I am missing human companionship. People would give me advices to wait, to keep searching, or to continue to walk with God. They don't understand that I try to do that, and it has helped me greatly, but that human feeling doesn't leave, no matter how close I be with God.
I have asked God why must I go through this, of course I either blame myself or others. I have learned so much from the relationship and the problems in it. I have learned to be bolder, and more compassionate. It has opened many doors inside. But the sad part is, the devil uses the wounds as its healing. I could spend months with God (as I try to everyday) but it comes at me. I still want to love her, I don't want to sound like the good guy in this, but she broke up out of what she thought was best. Yes we fought, yes we hurt each other with words, but we loved each other very much. Her family doesn't like me, that's what also scared her to stay. As honest as I am, I wouldn't hurt her.
It's very complicated to explain because I gave up living at my mother's house for her, I lost my job, I no longer have goals for college, everything fell apart. I just don't understand one thing, how can she move on, but I can't? How can she have the guts to continue dating, to continue liking guys, while she was the only one I love, who stole my first kiss, who I took her to her and my first date together, who would walk across town to give her flowers because I have no car, to spend all day with no classes at school to wait for her to get out, to go homeless because I defended her before my mother who I believe was jealous of another girl in my life, who would buy her whatever she wanted, who spent all of my time with....
I have heard so many guys who treat women with so much disrespect, I actually wanted to give this one my best. But because people got into it, and tried to separate us, and because of her fear, she left me. She comes back because I think she can't move on, so we stay friends. But sometimes it gets pretty bad, and I start to get jealous that she dates these guys who just want to look at her naked, and just want sex. I don't know why, but I still would want her. If she had a child, I don't know why but I would be a father to it. This love is madness, I've had it for nearly 3 years for her. I just can't get over it. I will pray day after day, night after night, but God answers every prayer but this it seems sometimes.
Sorry for my venting, no guys really love her the way I do. She doesn't want to see that. She wants this one guy to look at her the way she does at him, but the guy totally rejected her. I may not be the handsomest dude on the block but I truly love her more than anything but God. I even helped her build a relationship with God, she a prayer warrior. Sigh......
I can't think straight, so I haven't made plans for school, or for my future. See I want to think about my future, not my love life. But it always disturbs me. I would pray, sometimes it will go away for a while but then come back.
Sigh.....please pray
I have asked God why must I go through this, of course I either blame myself or others. I have learned so much from the relationship and the problems in it. I have learned to be bolder, and more compassionate. It has opened many doors inside. But the sad part is, the devil uses the wounds as its healing. I could spend months with God (as I try to everyday) but it comes at me. I still want to love her, I don't want to sound like the good guy in this, but she broke up out of what she thought was best. Yes we fought, yes we hurt each other with words, but we loved each other very much. Her family doesn't like me, that's what also scared her to stay. As honest as I am, I wouldn't hurt her.
It's very complicated to explain because I gave up living at my mother's house for her, I lost my job, I no longer have goals for college, everything fell apart. I just don't understand one thing, how can she move on, but I can't? How can she have the guts to continue dating, to continue liking guys, while she was the only one I love, who stole my first kiss, who I took her to her and my first date together, who would walk across town to give her flowers because I have no car, to spend all day with no classes at school to wait for her to get out, to go homeless because I defended her before my mother who I believe was jealous of another girl in my life, who would buy her whatever she wanted, who spent all of my time with....
I have heard so many guys who treat women with so much disrespect, I actually wanted to give this one my best. But because people got into it, and tried to separate us, and because of her fear, she left me. She comes back because I think she can't move on, so we stay friends. But sometimes it gets pretty bad, and I start to get jealous that she dates these guys who just want to look at her naked, and just want sex. I don't know why, but I still would want her. If she had a child, I don't know why but I would be a father to it. This love is madness, I've had it for nearly 3 years for her. I just can't get over it. I will pray day after day, night after night, but God answers every prayer but this it seems sometimes.
Sorry for my venting, no guys really love her the way I do. She doesn't want to see that. She wants this one guy to look at her the way she does at him, but the guy totally rejected her. I may not be the handsomest dude on the block but I truly love her more than anything but God. I even helped her build a relationship with God, she a prayer warrior. Sigh......
I can't think straight, so I haven't made plans for school, or for my future. See I want to think about my future, not my love life. But it always disturbs me. I would pray, sometimes it will go away for a while but then come back.
Sigh.....please pray