Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 25
Like Tree24Likes

Prayer Requests

Have a prayer request, or want to pray for others? Here's the place.

Thread: Friend bullied by his wife

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    February 25th, 2014
    Age
    52
    Posts
    2
    Rep Power
    0

    Unhappy Friend bullied by his wife

    Hi,
    I have a friend who has been married for 26 years. He is very gifted, nice and intelligent. Problem is he has suffered with depression and physical issues and his wife is angry with him for not being able to hold down a job. I can understand the stress it puts the family under, but does it give his wife permission to belittle him in front of others? Twenty years ago, I saw her lecturing him in front of our church and their two young boys for getting a motorcycle when they could not afford it. The husband just stood looking down like a whipped puppy.
    He supported her in her new career and she works hard. She is now very successful and their boys are successful in their work. He has a part time job and he cleans and cooks for his wife and two boys so they can finish her education (which they do on top of working full time.)
    But she and the boys treat him with contempt. One of his sons hates him for forcing his mother to work, but her work is her dream come true. She has withheld physicall intimacy with him for almost two years.
    He couldn't take the neglect any longer and he tried to talk to her, telling her that he couldn't take it any longer - that they don't even have a relationship. His wife only does things with their sons, never with him.
    He then said that he thought that they may have to separate to think about things. She went ballistic and argued with him. When he left the house, she and his sons took all his things and threw them in the driveway and road - they video taped it and told him to get his stuff before they destroy it.
    He went over with a police officer to get his things. His son started yelling at him that he was worthless because he couldn't hold down a job and demanded the house key from him and pushing him. The police officer tried to calm the son but he was ballistic. I wonder if the only reason they tolerated him was because his name is on the house.
    The mother is filing a TPO against the husband, saying that he was trying to get their son arrested.

    How can we support and help this man? I have been praying that this doesn't turn into a nasty battle. For two days he was scared and white as a sheet. When asked what he was afraid of, he said he was afraid of what his wife and sons will do. I am so sad, and my heart hurts because of what is going on in this family. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
    Join Date
    April 20th, 2011
    Age
    42
    Posts
    19,510
    Rep Power
    193

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    If this were a man doing it to a woman it would be called abuse. And it should still be. And should be treated like any other abuse issue.
    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

  3. #3
    Senior Member Misty77's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 30th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,746
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    That woman is pure evil. No human deserves the treatment she is doing to her husband. I hope he can get free and be healed from the wounds she inflicted on him.
    Ugly likes this.
    Tintin: "Jesus said Christians will be hated because they are his followers, not because they don't use their brains."

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2014
    Age
    54
    Posts
    5,672
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty77 View Post
    That woman is pure evil. No human deserves the treatment she is doing to her husband. I hope he can get free and be healed from the wounds she inflicted on him.
    How do you mean, 'get free'?

  5. #5
    Member cornerstone7's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 5th, 2013
    Age
    44
    Posts
    31
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    i'm very touch by his situation and i know that Jesus is the only one that can change situation.
    he should pray and take a fast and cryout to Jesus , i am gonna do it for him as well could you please send me an email by private message here to give me his name ?

    i went through very bad treaing situation like my own daughter fighting with hands on me
    i have prayed and things really got better
    does the pastor talked to his wife ? sons ?
    i think he has to seek jesus face because Jesus loves us and he allows for us to grow and be closer to him
    you should offer him a book very powerful if i may give an advice
    it's crazy love from francis chan
    this book helped me to get through a love relatioship with our Lord and it has changed alot of things because
    love bannish fear right ?
    so if we get into a deep and close relationship with Jesus we are sure he loves us and we have no fear and strenght he is King and he controls all situations in details of our life for sure
    depression is a deep spiritual disease and the ennemy wants us to stay in it to kill us spiritually and not get what our precious Lord has for us
    SierraGirl likes this.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Misty77's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 30th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,746
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by faroukfarouk View Post
    How do you mean, 'get free'?
    Quick disclaimer: I am going to answer assuming that there are no pertinent parts of the story that are being left out.

    He is being abused, which causes damage much deeper than just on the surface. He needs to divorce her, get alimony, and get his rights protected. If he fails to get an attorney, then she will continue to hurt him, even though he doesn't live there anymore.

    I will not waste my time debating the "evils" of divorce. Divorce is not a sin, it is the RESULT of sin. In this case, the wife has repeatedly broken her holy vow to love, honor, and cherish her husband. She has not repented or shown remorse. He can forgive her when he is ready, but that is not the same as reconciliation. She is the abuser, so any reconciliation would first be her responsibility.
    Ugly and oldernotwiser like this.
    Tintin: "Jesus said Christians will be hated because they are his followers, not because they don't use their brains."

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2014
    Age
    54
    Posts
    5,672
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty77 View Post
    Quick disclaimer: I am going to answer assuming that there are no pertinent parts of the story that are being left out.

    He is being abused, which causes damage much deeper than just on the surface. He needs to divorce her, get alimony, and get his rights protected. If he fails to get an attorney, then she will continue to hurt him, even though he doesn't live there anymore.

    I will not waste my time debating the "evils" of divorce. Divorce is not a sin, it is the RESULT of sin. In this case, the wife has repeatedly broken her holy vow to love, honor, and cherish her husband. She has not repented or shown remorse. He can forgive her when he is ready, but that is not the same as reconciliation. She is the abuser, so any reconciliation would first be her responsibility.
    Isn't the Biblically preferred route for the believer to seek after the grace of God to heal in a situation rather than go to law for a divorce? This was my point, I guess.

  8. #8
    Senior Member mystdancer50's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 26th, 2012
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,515
    Blog Entries
    53
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Sadly, this is what 'a woman should not have authority over a man' is all about. Though many want to use that verse to tell women they can't lead/preach/teach men, it is truly this right here that the Scripture is referring to. From early on, he let his wife run the show and she ended up getting abusive and overbearing in that leadership of him and through his inaction and her action, the boys have no respect for him. They will possibly end up marrying women just like their mom, carrying on the cycle, or they will marry submissive women and be abusive, if something isn't done.

    The husband needs to separate and nothing short of God getting ahold of his wife and showing her what it means to be a helpmeet, there will be no healing for this marriage. If he attempts to take the reigns now and be the head of the house, he will meet a great deal of opposition and hate from his wife and sons. Counseling would help, but unless she learns that what she is doing is taking authority from her husband and that Christ does not want that, then there will be no hope of change.

    I pray that your friend's wife finds Christ and through wise, godly counsel, they both learn their true roles and purposes as husband and wife and that the sons will learn through this healing the true way God intends for marriage to be.
    Misty77 likes this.
    "Hi, my name is Julie and I am here to state the obvious."

    It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
    And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
    -Let It Go by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

    Inspired Radiance - An Online Christian Women's Ministry
    Radical Purity, God's Way - Radical Purity in a Radically Impure World
    Hephzibah Online Bible Study Page - A place to learn, grow, connect, lead


  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2014
    Age
    54
    Posts
    5,672
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cornerstone7 View Post
    i'm very touch by his situation and i know that Jesus is the only one that can change situation.
    he should pray and take a fast and cryout to Jesus , i am gonna do it for him as well could you please send me an email by private message here to give me his name ?

    i went through very bad treaing situation like my own daughter fighting with hands on me
    i have prayed and things really got better
    does the pastor talked to his wife ? sons ?
    i think he has to seek jesus face because Jesus loves us and he allows for us to grow and be closer to him
    you should offer him a book very powerful if i may give an advice
    it's crazy love from francis chan
    this book helped me to get through a love relatioship with our Lord and it has changed alot of things because
    love bannish fear right ?
    so if we get into a deep and close relationship with Jesus we are sure he loves us and we have no fear and strenght he is King and he controls all situations in details of our life for sure
    depression is a deep spiritual disease and the ennemy wants us to stay in it to kill us spiritually and not get what our precious Lord has for us
    The love of God intervening in the situation is what is really needed, right? 'We love Him because He first loved us'. 'God is love'.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Misty77's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 30th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,746
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by faroukfarouk View Post
    Isn't the Biblically preferred route for the believer to seek after the grace of God to heal in a situation rather than go to law for a divorce? This was my point, I guess.
    God's grace does not negate consequences. Healing can't happen when you are still being wounded. Her behavior is killing her husband, whether you understand that or not. The Lord has instituted governments and laws for us to abide by and live within. That is why we pay taxes, vote, get marriage licenses, and file police reports when we have had crimes committed against us. And it is why we get divorced when one or both parties are breaking sacred vows without repentance. Perhaps there can be restoration in the future, but not now. Not while she is still abusing him. Now he needs the protection that a divorce can give him; and maybe by seeing the consequences of her actions, she will come to repentance.
    Ugly and mystdancer50 like this.
    Tintin: "Jesus said Christians will be hated because they are his followers, not because they don't use their brains."

  11. #11
    Member cornerstone7's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 5th, 2013
    Age
    44
    Posts
    31
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty77 View Post
    God's grace does not negate consequences. Healing can't happen when you are still being wounded. Her behavior is killing her husband, whether you understand that or not. The Lord has instituted governments and laws for us to abide by and live within. That is why we pay taxes, vote, get marriage licenses, and file police reports when we have had crimes committed against us. And it is why we get divorced when one or both parties are breaking sacred vows without repentance. Perhaps there can be restoration in the future, but not now. Not while she is still abusing him. Now he needs the protection that a divorce can give him; and maybe by seeing the consequences of her actions, she will come to repentance.
    i think this kind of argue is very dangerous because our Lord says that the only way we are allowed to get divorced is because of adultary and here it is not the point Jesus never said that we have human law to be free to divorce so lets use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    those kind of argue are very very very dangerous
    Matthew 19:9 ^
    And I say to you, Whoever puts away his wife for any other cause than the loss of her virtue, and takes another, is a false husband: and he who takes her as his wife when she is put away, is no true husband to her.

  12. #12
    Senior Member mystdancer50's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 26th, 2012
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,515
    Blog Entries
    53
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    The Bible also says that if one spouse is saved and the other is not and the unsaved spouse wants to leave, to let them.

    Truly, the Lord doesn't not want His children in unsafe marriages/relationships. So, by the 'only adultery' logic, that means that husbands and wives that are beaten by their spouses have to stay in the marriage because the abuser isn't cheating on the person. Not logical at all.

    The thing to know, too, is that God didn't even permit divorce in the adultery state. Moses permitted divorce. Jesus says so. He said that Moses allowed divorce due to the hardness of the Israelites hearts. So, in truth, should divorce happen at all? No.

    Yet, we live in a flawed and fallen world so divorce does happen. That is the way of life. I believe the only time divorce should occur is in unsafe situations. This covers adultery, because the spouse being cheated on can get a disease and the emotional and mental damage in adulterous situations is unsafe. Abuse, violence, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, sexual abuse, child abuse, adultery, domestic violence...these are all unsafe and if someone wants to leave someone doing this, I wouldn't prevent them.
    Misty77 and biscuit like this.
    "Hi, my name is Julie and I am here to state the obvious."

    It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
    And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
    -Let It Go by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

    Inspired Radiance - An Online Christian Women's Ministry
    Radical Purity, God's Way - Radical Purity in a Radically Impure World
    Hephzibah Online Bible Study Page - A place to learn, grow, connect, lead


  13. #13
    Senior Member Misty77's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 30th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,746
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cornerstone7 View Post
    i think this kind of argue is very dangerous because our Lord says that the only way we are allowed to get divorced is because of adultary and here it is not the point Jesus never said that we have human law to be free to divorce so lets use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    those kind of argue are very very very dangerous
    Matthew 19:9 ^
    And I say to you, Whoever puts away his wife for any other cause than the loss of her virtue, and takes another, is a false husband: and he who takes her as his wife when she is put away, is no true husband to her.
    That is a common, yet inaccurate understanding of divorce in scripture. You can start a thread about it in the Bible Discussions Forum if you want to debate it so we don't derail the prayer request.
    Tintin: "Jesus said Christians will be hated because they are his followers, not because they don't use their brains."

  14. #14
    Senior Member mystdancer50's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 26th, 2012
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,515
    Blog Entries
    53
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty77 View Post
    That is a common, yet inaccurate understanding of divorce in scripture. You can start a thread about it in the Bible Discussions Forum if you want to debate it so we don't derail the prayer request.
    Sigh...I derailed. I seem to do that a lot, Misty.
    Misty77 likes this.
    "Hi, my name is Julie and I am here to state the obvious."

    It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
    And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
    -Let It Go by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

    Inspired Radiance - An Online Christian Women's Ministry
    Radical Purity, God's Way - Radical Purity in a Radically Impure World
    Hephzibah Online Bible Study Page - A place to learn, grow, connect, lead


  15. #15
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    February 25th, 2014
    Age
    52
    Posts
    2
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    What is so sad about this is the fact that they are both Christian - they go to different churches. As things stand now, it looks like the wife is going through the proceedings for a divorce. The husband was begging and trying to communicate, and he simply suggested a separation and counseling. But she quickly replied with animosity and she thinks this is grounds for divorce. She grew up in a broken home, and I don't think she realizes that she is abusive to try to control things. What is scary, is I think this is what can happen, even as Christians, if we don't allow God into the broken places in our heart - our hearts can turn hard.

  16. #16
    Banned
    Join Date
    February 21st, 2014
    Age
    54
    Posts
    5,672
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by SierraGirl View Post
    What is so sad about this is the fact that they are both Christian - they go to different churches. As things stand now, it looks like the wife is going through the proceedings for a divorce. The husband was begging and trying to communicate, and he simply suggested a separation and counseling. But she quickly replied with animosity and she thinks this is grounds for divorce. She grew up in a broken home, and I don't think she realizes that she is abusive to try to control things. What is scary, is I think this is what can happen, even as Christians, if we don't allow God into the broken places in our heart - our hearts can turn hard.
    The grace of God working in the heart is what is needed.

  17. #17
    Senior Member mystdancer50's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 26th, 2012
    Age
    37
    Posts
    2,515
    Blog Entries
    53
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Most abusers don't see themselves as abusive. That is the sad reality of it all.
    Misty77 and biscuit like this.
    "Hi, my name is Julie and I am here to state the obvious."

    It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
    And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
    -Let It Go by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

    Inspired Radiance - An Online Christian Women's Ministry
    Radical Purity, God's Way - Radical Purity in a Radically Impure World
    Hephzibah Online Bible Study Page - A place to learn, grow, connect, lead


  18. #18
    Senior Member kayem77's Avatar
    Join Date
    February 5th, 2011
    Age
    25
    Posts
    2,380
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    This is really sad. This woman is being abusive and selfish, even using her and HIS sons against this man. I don't know if she is still going to church, since you mentioned something that happened 20 years ago, but if she is, disciplinary action should be used against her. If she claims to be a believer, someone should tell her that her actions are not welcome in God's Kingdom and his Church. I think her actions testify of her being worse than an unbeliever. It would be good for this man to seek counseling and comfort at church, and get a good attorney also. A very sad situation. A prayer sent his way.
    Misty77 and biscuit like this.
    For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
    Isaiah 55:9

    “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck,
    write them on the tablet of your heart.Proverbs 3:3

  19. #19
    Member cornerstone7's Avatar
    Join Date
    January 5th, 2013
    Age
    44
    Posts
    31
    Blog Entries
    1
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by Misty77 View Post
    That is a common, yet inaccurate understanding of divorce in scripture. You can start a thread about it in the Bible Discussions Forum if you want to debate it so we don't derail the prayer request.
    I'm sorry but my goal is not to debate the clear word of our jesus I would be open to a debate on such a delicate subject as divorce;
    being myself in a divorce situation I do not allow me to give a statement about behavior that is purely human here, being dangerous and evil can influence and push a brother to sin I wanted to give my opinion to leave room has rather reflection What pulse
    I think here it is indeed a matter of prayer but then if this is the case why we let all our reviews??
    should not we just say: "We pray for my sister and brother his situation"????
    I do not understand this remark on the board to open a debate about a divorce can be other than a malaise found on a hasty word about human laws??
    GBU sister and thanks for your "like "

  20. #20
    Senior Member Misty77's Avatar
    Join Date
    August 30th, 2013
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,746
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Friend bullied by his wife

    Quote Originally Posted by cornerstone7 View Post
    I'm sorry but my goal is not to debate the clear word of our jesus I would be open to a debate on such a delicate subject as divorce;
    being myself in a divorce situation I do not allow me to give a statement about behavior that is purely human here, being dangerous and evil can influence and push a brother to sin I wanted to give my opinion to leave room has rather reflection What pulse
    I think here it is indeed a matter of prayer but then if this is the case why we let all our reviews??
    should not we just say: "We pray for my sister and brother his situation"????
    I do not understand this remark on the board to open a debate about a divorce can be other than a malaise found on a hasty word about human laws??
    GBU sister and thanks for your "like "
    Because this is the "Prayer Request" Forum, and each of these threads has a topic. Debate on Biblical interpretation belongs elsewhere.
    Tintin: "Jesus said Christians will be hated because they are his followers, not because they don't use their brains."

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Bullied gay teen faces expulsion after firing stun gun at school
    By Jullianna in forum Christian News Forum
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: March 22nd, 2014, 03:55 AM
  2. Replies: 23
    Last Post: March 20th, 2014, 03:18 PM
  3. i need prayer for wife amd me . wife is very sick
    By voltman in forum Prayer Requests
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: May 15th, 2013, 10:34 AM
  4. Replies: 3
    Last Post: April 9th, 2013, 02:26 PM
  5. Prayer request for my mum's friend and also my friend
    By estherliewan in forum Prayer Requests
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: November 11th, 2011, 03:14 AM

Tags for this Thread