I'm a 14 year old girl. This is going to sound awful, but while I was in 6th grade (12 years old) I dated a really bad guy, we was together for 8 months and I did have sex with him, my mom let me too. I felt like I was so in love with him. We ended up breaking up soon after. The summer going into 8th grade I dated another, he was bad too. We dated for 2 months and he was always at my house, he wanted to have sex so I gave in. I thought I loved him too. My mom and sister knew about us too. They didn't seem to care. Now I'm going into 9th grade and I feel so depressed about it, I've made a lot of other mistakes. I hung out with the wrong people. I have a bad temper on me and I've gotten into a fight and suspended twice. I've cussed in front of my mom. I've drank and smoked most of 6th, 7th and 8th, my mom let me. I stopped though because it didn't feel right. I've asked god and Jesus to forgive me, and I believe I'm forgiven but I can't help but feel guilty, I wish I wouldn't have. And my mom isn't a bad person as in letting me do what I did, she said she wanted me just to do what made me happy, she is a Christian too and I think she regrets letting me do what I did. I'm asking for someone to please pray for me to help me not make these mistakes again and for me to not hold this guilt anymore because it's making me so depressed to even think that that stuff use to make me so happy. Starting Wednesday I'm going to start going to Church with my friend and I want to be saved, I want to change my life for my father. I know he loves me, but I've never done anything for him and I want to be closer with him, I'm so confused :/
First thing you need to learn is guilt vs conviction. Conviction is what God brings to us when we sin. It is a reminder that we have done wrong, and acted sinfully. We may experience a short time of remorse, and this is used to motivate us to change and repent. This is Gods gift to us.
Guilt, on the other hand, is a tool of Satan. Guilt doesn't go away. It makes us feel bad. It makes us feel unworthy. Useless. Discouraged. Depressed. When we let guilt in, we are giving Satan a foothold in our lives to let our mistakes bring us down, we don't learn from it and are more likely to repeat the mistakes. On the other hand, Gods conviction doesn't weigh us down. It moves us to learn, to change, to grow and to not want to repeat our mistakes.
If you aren't saved, though, you can really only experience guilt, as without Gods spirit inside you He won't be able to prompt you to conviction.
If you are looking to be saved, this is awesome. When we surrender our lives to God and turn from sins and accept Christ into our hearts you know what the bible says about that? That, literally, the angels in heaven Rejoice! They throw a party. Not only that, God says He 'separates us from our sins as the east is from the west'. He also says 'if anyone is in Christ they are new creations. The old has gone and new life has begun'. What this means is your past is forgiven in Gods eyes. Sure, it doesn't make it disappear completely. Sometimes we even still suffer earthly consequences. But within our spirit we are freed.
I, like you, was young when i first had sex, 13, so i understand the guilt. But now is your chance to start over. A new spirit and a renewed mind when you make the decision to follow Christ. And you know what? God doesn't expect you to change to come to Him. He wants you just as you are, sinful, broken and hurting. Full of sin. Those are the ones He loves so much. God is the God of second chances, and third and forth and as many as you need. Long as your heart is full of desire to live rightly and obey, even when we make mistakes, God is willing to give us another chance. To helps us learn and grow from each mistake. To make something good out of the bad we fall into or put ourselves into. He's there to help carry you through the hard times. Don't approach God with fear or doubt that you're not good enough. Because you Aren't good enough. None of us are. Even the best of us are sinners. But Christ still took our sins to the cross our of his love and mercy and grace (grace being special treatment we don't deserve, yet is given anyways).
God loves you and is waiting with open arms to bring you into His heart and His family. Run to Him in honesty and hope.
