M
Well I have decided to bite the bullet and add my testimony on CC so here goes.
By the way it is rather long so give yourself a medal if you reach the end (and this is the short version
)
The day of my birth wasn't a happy day, unbeknown to me I was the youngest of 4 children born to a mother with paranoid schizophrenia. My eldest brother was mixed race and was brought up in a children's home before joining the Royal Navy. He now works in a prison (I have managed to keep in contact with him other the years). The next sibling my sister was white and was put up for adoption (I only met her once when I was young). The next sister was also white and was brought up by my maternal grandparents (as children we saw each other but I have not seen her since the age of 9). Then I was born and came on the scene out of the blue also of mixed race parentage which brought even more difficulties and shame for my family.
I have no idea who my father was but he gave me the most perfect sun kissed sun tan which everyone envies during the summer months!
I was to be placed in a children's home at 3 weeks old then at the last minute an Aunt agreed to take me in and so I found myself living in my Aunts house. She also had 4 sons of her own and was divorced so life was rather hectic and we never had much money.
I saw my real mother a handful of times as a child but she never really was in her right mind and often it was because she had escaped from hospital and came to the house looking for somewhere to go, with the Police in hot pursuit. She could become quite violent and so when she ran away from the hospitals the Police would often turn up on our door step for my protection.
My Aunts family was a bit dis-functional occasionally she would take me to see my sister who lived with my grandparents, but my grandfather was extremely racist and refused to acknowledge me, he use to tell my sister we were very distant cousins. He use to say the reason why my mother had schizophrenia was because she had two mixed race children.
Life was hard as you might imagine and I always felt the odd one out. There was only one other non white person in the whole of my first school and for a long time I was the only non white person in the street where we lived.
Then when I was 9 my grandfather died and my Aunt took me to stay for a while to my grandparents house. This may sound callous but for the first time my sister and I were able to play together properly and enjoy each other's company, something we had never been able to do while he was alive.
I did not attend the funeral I was considered too young at the time but my Aunt went. Over the grave the 23rd psalm was read out and my Aunt said she felt as if God was speaking directly to her and in that instant she knew God was real and she had to go to church. She refers to it as her road to Damascus experience.
After the funeral and once back at home my Aunt decided one Sunday to go to church but she had no idea which one. There was a few to choose from all close to where we lived, but she felt that she had to go to the one which was the furthest away. Unbeknown to us this was the only evangelical church out of them all and it really was Gods guiding hand.
At first I was too shy to attend the Sunday school but gradually I got use to the church and the people and started to enjoy going. I was really taken up with the story about Solomon and the baby with two mothers and how they both claimed the baby belonged to them, probably due to my own upbringing. I was also really impressed with the story of how Solomon asked for Wisdom.
Around the age of 11 one night was I was on my own in bed I prayed that prayer and asked Jesus into my heart. There wasn't any flashing lights or drama but I just knew something special had happened. For a while though I was terrified of doing anything wrong and use to think that I had to ask Jesus into my heart every night just in case I had sinned during the day! As I said I was also really impressed with Solomon so I also use to ask for wisdom every night!
Then one night about the age of 12 something amazing happened. I went to bed one night with a bit of a cold. Nothing too bad in fact I wasn't even ill especially, but when I got into bed I could not stop shivering, my whole body was shaking so much the bed was shaking.
Then suddenly I felt as if I was in the presence of God and in my mind I started to question God asking lots of childish things such as "God are you real, do you love me etc." and with each question I asked I got an instant reply back in my mind and I kept shivering.
This went on for some time but I started to feel tired and I remember telling God that I needed to sleep now. Suddenly I started to feel an incredible warmth moving up my body starting with my feet and gradually moving up my body like a line. Below the line was toasty warm above it I was a little cold.
As this invisible line moved further up my body more and more of my body warmed up, until eventually it reached the top of my head and I found myself bathing in absolute peace, love, serenity, it literally felt as though I was being held in the arms of God. It was so incredible that I burst into tears, it felt as though everything bad had gone and was replaced with love, goodness, kindness and every good thing imaginable.
In the end I was crying so much I had to get out of bed and get some tissues then I got back into bed and fell asleep just bathed in this incredible love. The next day I woke up and wondered if the whole thing had been a dream, but no, there were the wet tissues on the bedside table and I just knew the whole thing was real.
Shortly after this I started to have what I have come to think of as Godly dreams. I can only remember one of these dreams as a child. In it I was outside playing skipping and Jesus was standing next to me. In the dream I looked at him and said I loved him. He smiled then started to glow and shine until he became brilliant white then disappeared from view. As a child I use to think this was what the disciples saw during the transfiguration.
Life moved on and in my teens I got caught up with other activities which took me away from church. Unfortunately my Aunt had a nervous breakdown due to the stresses and strains of life so there was no one to encourage me to go to church. Then around the age of 16 I started to go back to church again of my own accord.
The Godly dreams stopped but re-started again in my 30s when I began to attend a different church which taught about the Holy Spirit.
God has shown me so many things in these dreams. I remember in one dream I saw a pair of hands holding a mis-shaped blue plastic geometric object, then they closed around the object and began to mould it and squeeze it like dough. Then they opened back up again and in them was a massive sparkling flawless diamond. I believe that is what God does with us, He moulds us and shapes us - the potter's hands.
In another dream I was reading a book but as I opened the book I was looking at three pages. On each page was the head and shoulders of a person with a description under each figure. Then I began to wake up but as I did, I got the impression I was seeing pictures of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Only when I was fully awake I could not remember what they looked like or their description, I was just left with the interpretation of the dream. Up to that point I hadn't even realised the Holy Spirit was a person but God taught me otherwise. There has been so many Godly dreams since.
Life has had its ups and downs and at times the downs have been so bad I have wondered how I would ever cope. But deep inside I know God is real and I know God's love far surpasses anything we can ever imagine. I often think about the verses in the bible which say He will wipe away all tears for their eyes and I know this is absolutely true. Nothing can ever fully describe the love of God. I know this for I have experienced it and there are no human words to adequately describe it.
Isaiah 55:1-2 AMP
[1] WAIT and listen, everyone who is thirsty! Come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Yes, come, buy priceless, spiritual wine and milk without money and without price simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing. [2] Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your earnings for what does not satisfy? Hearken diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness the profuseness of spiritual joy.
By the way it is rather long so give yourself a medal if you reach the end (and this is the short version
)The day of my birth wasn't a happy day, unbeknown to me I was the youngest of 4 children born to a mother with paranoid schizophrenia. My eldest brother was mixed race and was brought up in a children's home before joining the Royal Navy. He now works in a prison (I have managed to keep in contact with him other the years). The next sibling my sister was white and was put up for adoption (I only met her once when I was young). The next sister was also white and was brought up by my maternal grandparents (as children we saw each other but I have not seen her since the age of 9). Then I was born and came on the scene out of the blue also of mixed race parentage which brought even more difficulties and shame for my family.
I have no idea who my father was but he gave me the most perfect sun kissed sun tan which everyone envies during the summer months!
I was to be placed in a children's home at 3 weeks old then at the last minute an Aunt agreed to take me in and so I found myself living in my Aunts house. She also had 4 sons of her own and was divorced so life was rather hectic and we never had much money.
I saw my real mother a handful of times as a child but she never really was in her right mind and often it was because she had escaped from hospital and came to the house looking for somewhere to go, with the Police in hot pursuit. She could become quite violent and so when she ran away from the hospitals the Police would often turn up on our door step for my protection.
My Aunts family was a bit dis-functional occasionally she would take me to see my sister who lived with my grandparents, but my grandfather was extremely racist and refused to acknowledge me, he use to tell my sister we were very distant cousins. He use to say the reason why my mother had schizophrenia was because she had two mixed race children.
Life was hard as you might imagine and I always felt the odd one out. There was only one other non white person in the whole of my first school and for a long time I was the only non white person in the street where we lived.
Then when I was 9 my grandfather died and my Aunt took me to stay for a while to my grandparents house. This may sound callous but for the first time my sister and I were able to play together properly and enjoy each other's company, something we had never been able to do while he was alive.
I did not attend the funeral I was considered too young at the time but my Aunt went. Over the grave the 23rd psalm was read out and my Aunt said she felt as if God was speaking directly to her and in that instant she knew God was real and she had to go to church. She refers to it as her road to Damascus experience.
After the funeral and once back at home my Aunt decided one Sunday to go to church but she had no idea which one. There was a few to choose from all close to where we lived, but she felt that she had to go to the one which was the furthest away. Unbeknown to us this was the only evangelical church out of them all and it really was Gods guiding hand.
At first I was too shy to attend the Sunday school but gradually I got use to the church and the people and started to enjoy going. I was really taken up with the story about Solomon and the baby with two mothers and how they both claimed the baby belonged to them, probably due to my own upbringing. I was also really impressed with the story of how Solomon asked for Wisdom.
Around the age of 11 one night was I was on my own in bed I prayed that prayer and asked Jesus into my heart. There wasn't any flashing lights or drama but I just knew something special had happened. For a while though I was terrified of doing anything wrong and use to think that I had to ask Jesus into my heart every night just in case I had sinned during the day! As I said I was also really impressed with Solomon so I also use to ask for wisdom every night!
Then one night about the age of 12 something amazing happened. I went to bed one night with a bit of a cold. Nothing too bad in fact I wasn't even ill especially, but when I got into bed I could not stop shivering, my whole body was shaking so much the bed was shaking.
Then suddenly I felt as if I was in the presence of God and in my mind I started to question God asking lots of childish things such as "God are you real, do you love me etc." and with each question I asked I got an instant reply back in my mind and I kept shivering.
This went on for some time but I started to feel tired and I remember telling God that I needed to sleep now. Suddenly I started to feel an incredible warmth moving up my body starting with my feet and gradually moving up my body like a line. Below the line was toasty warm above it I was a little cold.
As this invisible line moved further up my body more and more of my body warmed up, until eventually it reached the top of my head and I found myself bathing in absolute peace, love, serenity, it literally felt as though I was being held in the arms of God. It was so incredible that I burst into tears, it felt as though everything bad had gone and was replaced with love, goodness, kindness and every good thing imaginable.
In the end I was crying so much I had to get out of bed and get some tissues then I got back into bed and fell asleep just bathed in this incredible love. The next day I woke up and wondered if the whole thing had been a dream, but no, there were the wet tissues on the bedside table and I just knew the whole thing was real.
Shortly after this I started to have what I have come to think of as Godly dreams. I can only remember one of these dreams as a child. In it I was outside playing skipping and Jesus was standing next to me. In the dream I looked at him and said I loved him. He smiled then started to glow and shine until he became brilliant white then disappeared from view. As a child I use to think this was what the disciples saw during the transfiguration.
Life moved on and in my teens I got caught up with other activities which took me away from church. Unfortunately my Aunt had a nervous breakdown due to the stresses and strains of life so there was no one to encourage me to go to church. Then around the age of 16 I started to go back to church again of my own accord.
The Godly dreams stopped but re-started again in my 30s when I began to attend a different church which taught about the Holy Spirit.
God has shown me so many things in these dreams. I remember in one dream I saw a pair of hands holding a mis-shaped blue plastic geometric object, then they closed around the object and began to mould it and squeeze it like dough. Then they opened back up again and in them was a massive sparkling flawless diamond. I believe that is what God does with us, He moulds us and shapes us - the potter's hands.
In another dream I was reading a book but as I opened the book I was looking at three pages. On each page was the head and shoulders of a person with a description under each figure. Then I began to wake up but as I did, I got the impression I was seeing pictures of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Only when I was fully awake I could not remember what they looked like or their description, I was just left with the interpretation of the dream. Up to that point I hadn't even realised the Holy Spirit was a person but God taught me otherwise. There has been so many Godly dreams since.
Life has had its ups and downs and at times the downs have been so bad I have wondered how I would ever cope. But deep inside I know God is real and I know God's love far surpasses anything we can ever imagine. I often think about the verses in the bible which say He will wipe away all tears for their eyes and I know this is absolutely true. Nothing can ever fully describe the love of God. I know this for I have experienced it and there are no human words to adequately describe it.
Isaiah 55:1-2 AMP
[1] WAIT and listen, everyone who is thirsty! Come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Yes, come, buy priceless, spiritual wine and milk without money and without price simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing. [2] Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your earnings for what does not satisfy? Hearken diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness the profuseness of spiritual joy.
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