New Life Yay

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loeza89

Guest
#1
lol when i first saw this thread never really though i would put my life of sin out like this but i feel it is necessary XD

Where to begin....well i guess most of my self hatred started after being a rape victim thats when i started questioning the existence of God. I started falling from there every time i saw family i saw disgust in there eyes from me and i would always question why it was not my choice to get raped that brought anger to me and i am not proud to say to God. I can honestly say at that time i truly hated Him and i started doing things that only hurt me in the end the drinking, the stealing,the violence i committed really turned my life upside down when i saw that all of that did nothign for me i started questioning my purpose here. Why was I here was i meant only for this life of bad deeds to eventually die being remembered as a "thug or gangster" . I started looking for meaning in religion but everywhere i turned all i herd "was what your doing is wrong you are dambed" i brought more anger to me i knew what i was doing and did was wrong i don't need someone telling me that i wanted to know how to make it better.I turned to my family but my past had hardened them from me. My life was empty and alone no one to talk to about the way i was feeling or my problems i had lost all hope. I graduated High School and still nothing i still could not find a reason why i should still be here all around me i saw people talking about my past talking about the person i was even my family did nothign but resent me thinking that was all i would be remembered as i decided my life was truly up to that point meaningless and i tried to end it. I honestly don't see another way i could have survived what i did without His help after drinking an entire bottle of Advil pills and a bottle f liquor with the intention of not waking up the next day i woke up. I couldn't understand why at the time i went to go pick up my brother from tennis and one of his friends offered me an invitation to go to her church's anniversary thinking it was another dead end for me to get judged my mind i said no but the words that came out were yes. I didn't understand it even the day of the aneversery my mind said don't go but i went. That day i saw kindness i saw acceptance none of them judged me for who I was they had smiles when they saw me i was overwhelmed with things i had not felt in a long time. So i kept going and the more i went the more i saw what i had been missing and why the Lord had put me through what i went. He had strengthened me so much i saw youth that where having the problems i wen through and although i had little knowledge on preaching i was able to keep them from going as far as i did I was beyond happy i was beyond content with my purpose. He had a wonderful plan for me and I am truly grateful that He has blessed me with all this he gave me. Then a few months after being in the church I was baptized and now i wish to know more about the Lord and that He may use me for his purpose cause i realized thats why he kept me here that day. I am glad He chose me to someday preach and teach His word and i am eager for that day to come for me to expand His kingdom with the knowledge he fills me with every day ^_^

and please if anyone has problems similar send me a message I will try to help its a horrible path to go at it alone i was truly blessed i made it through even when i cured his name he was by my side and that is true love that will never fade