A
Hi everyone. Whew, where do I start. I'll have to say, I made a blog post last June (I Quit WoW) about how I was quitting the online game I've been addicted to for almost a year. I'm ashamed to say that, I failed that. Immediately after posting that, I got calls and texts from my old WoW friends to get me back to playing. And so I gave in and went back to playing. Big mistake. Life went downhill since then. Not only did I become even more addicted, I met someone from there, a gamer who I fell in love with. Even if it was clear to me that it wasn't the right relationship.
(Just to give you some background) I've been a Christian since I was 15. I'm 25 now and never dated once in my life. Dating was something I didn't take lightly as it would ultimately affect how I handle the 2nd biggest decision in my life - marriage (1st is salvation). It was a family principle I grew up with.
After I came back to WoW (and for those wondering - World of Warcraft), after that blog post in June, I met this guy who I thought was perfect, except he wasn't Christian. He was everything I dreamed of, except he wasn't Christian. I opened up to my parents, and they were shocked and asked me to pray about it. I did. But it was more like me telling God to 'make this work for me' instead of 'let Your will be done'. So it happened, we dated. I was slowly drowning but I was so blinded by bliss to even care.
Until, we started arguing about God and His existence and how, according to Him, I was letting myself brainwashed. This got me praying harder than ever to get Him converted. Even if I could've, instead, ended my suffering by breaking up with him. But no, love was strong, no, my emotions were too strong.
I asked my parents if I should continue the relationship (knowing full well what their answer was) only because, inside me, the conviction was getting stronger everyday - to cut the relationship before it gets too late - but I was looking for answers that would justify why I should stay with him. Thank God for loving parents, they let me decide and only pointed me to God's Word, which clearly was the same as my conviction.
I went to online counselling websites and got the same response.
I came to CC and got the same exact response.
I was at a loss, there was no saving him, at least not while we were in that toxic relationship. So I did, *try* and break up with him. But I was too weak when he asked me to reconsider my decision. And the fear within me became overwhelming - fear that I knew where it was headed, but I couldn't back out. I was too weak.
But God, merciful and loving, only wants what's best for me. Since I was too weak to break up with him, just the day after he asked me to reconsider my decision, he asked to break up with me because of 'trust' issues or whatever.
I have to say, I've never been both extremely sad and rejoicing at the same time. It was like two forces within me fighting their way to take over my heart and mind. But that decision of him, was my way out. It's true when God said He provides a way out. That was my exit.
And so I did, and only then were my eyes open to how everything in my life was at the brink of falling apart. I never argued with my parents so much in such a short span of time. I made my mother cry way too many times and it still aches me what she had to go through. My coworkers have been complaining about me being late and always distracted (talking with boyfriend on the phone while in the office, for hours and sometimes playing WoW at work) - and I've always been a good employee, at least, no one ever complained about me. I realised how my social life was... empty. I had no friend to turn to, a Christian friend to turn to because all my friends were from WoW. I stopped going to church months ago so I had no friends.
It was more of a redemption for me, than a breakup process. God took me out so I spent the last 3 days (since the breakup) doing nothing but praying, listening to sermons, reading and getting to know God again, spending time with my family and reconnecting with my old Christian friends. Went back to church, joined a life group. Long story short, went to rehab. I still am in rehab, actually. But this time, God already gave me the strength to quit WoW altogether, now I don't have a reason to go back there anymore, cause it only reminds me of my ex. He gave me courage to cut off all connections with WoW friends. Cancelled my subscription and wiped my computer. Deleted everything that reminded me of WoW, old skype and other accounts to communicate with old WoW friends. EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.
I went through heck and the pain was real that now I feel like a fool not consulting God before making any decision. The whole experience taught me to depend on Him, more than ever. That if I let my own thinking lead me, destruction is where I'm headed. It also taught me how, extremely important it is, to surround myself with the body of Christ. Now I understand the importance of fellowship. I cannot fight my battles alone. I tried last June, and I failed. I confessed my addiction to my family and my friends *helps with the healing process* and thank God I am not experiencing what they call the withdrawal symptoms. The last few days have been rough for me, but God, the family He gave me and the body of Christ, helped me rise back up to my feet, stronger with the strength of Jesus.
Now I'm back to church and spending more time with the people I love and finding out what God's plan is for my life. I am grateful, after all, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. And I'm not ashamed of my past. Rather, I want to glorify God with who I was and how He changed me, and still is changing me. I hope and pray that this testimony can speak to those who are going through the same things I went through: online game addiction and being unequally yoked with unbelievers. These are hard to get rid of, so never fight your battles alone. God is here, and so is the body of Christ. Keep moving forward, even if you have to crawl.
I'll end this with Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.
(Just to give you some background) I've been a Christian since I was 15. I'm 25 now and never dated once in my life. Dating was something I didn't take lightly as it would ultimately affect how I handle the 2nd biggest decision in my life - marriage (1st is salvation). It was a family principle I grew up with.
After I came back to WoW (and for those wondering - World of Warcraft), after that blog post in June, I met this guy who I thought was perfect, except he wasn't Christian. He was everything I dreamed of, except he wasn't Christian. I opened up to my parents, and they were shocked and asked me to pray about it. I did. But it was more like me telling God to 'make this work for me' instead of 'let Your will be done'. So it happened, we dated. I was slowly drowning but I was so blinded by bliss to even care.
Until, we started arguing about God and His existence and how, according to Him, I was letting myself brainwashed. This got me praying harder than ever to get Him converted. Even if I could've, instead, ended my suffering by breaking up with him. But no, love was strong, no, my emotions were too strong.
I asked my parents if I should continue the relationship (knowing full well what their answer was) only because, inside me, the conviction was getting stronger everyday - to cut the relationship before it gets too late - but I was looking for answers that would justify why I should stay with him. Thank God for loving parents, they let me decide and only pointed me to God's Word, which clearly was the same as my conviction.
I went to online counselling websites and got the same response.
I came to CC and got the same exact response.
I was at a loss, there was no saving him, at least not while we were in that toxic relationship. So I did, *try* and break up with him. But I was too weak when he asked me to reconsider my decision. And the fear within me became overwhelming - fear that I knew where it was headed, but I couldn't back out. I was too weak.
But God, merciful and loving, only wants what's best for me. Since I was too weak to break up with him, just the day after he asked me to reconsider my decision, he asked to break up with me because of 'trust' issues or whatever.
I have to say, I've never been both extremely sad and rejoicing at the same time. It was like two forces within me fighting their way to take over my heart and mind. But that decision of him, was my way out. It's true when God said He provides a way out. That was my exit.
And so I did, and only then were my eyes open to how everything in my life was at the brink of falling apart. I never argued with my parents so much in such a short span of time. I made my mother cry way too many times and it still aches me what she had to go through. My coworkers have been complaining about me being late and always distracted (talking with boyfriend on the phone while in the office, for hours and sometimes playing WoW at work) - and I've always been a good employee, at least, no one ever complained about me. I realised how my social life was... empty. I had no friend to turn to, a Christian friend to turn to because all my friends were from WoW. I stopped going to church months ago so I had no friends.
It was more of a redemption for me, than a breakup process. God took me out so I spent the last 3 days (since the breakup) doing nothing but praying, listening to sermons, reading and getting to know God again, spending time with my family and reconnecting with my old Christian friends. Went back to church, joined a life group. Long story short, went to rehab. I still am in rehab, actually. But this time, God already gave me the strength to quit WoW altogether, now I don't have a reason to go back there anymore, cause it only reminds me of my ex. He gave me courage to cut off all connections with WoW friends. Cancelled my subscription and wiped my computer. Deleted everything that reminded me of WoW, old skype and other accounts to communicate with old WoW friends. EVERYTHING and EVERYONE.
I went through heck and the pain was real that now I feel like a fool not consulting God before making any decision. The whole experience taught me to depend on Him, more than ever. That if I let my own thinking lead me, destruction is where I'm headed. It also taught me how, extremely important it is, to surround myself with the body of Christ. Now I understand the importance of fellowship. I cannot fight my battles alone. I tried last June, and I failed. I confessed my addiction to my family and my friends *helps with the healing process* and thank God I am not experiencing what they call the withdrawal symptoms. The last few days have been rough for me, but God, the family He gave me and the body of Christ, helped me rise back up to my feet, stronger with the strength of Jesus.
Now I'm back to church and spending more time with the people I love and finding out what God's plan is for my life. I am grateful, after all, that all things work together for the good of those who love Him. And I'm not ashamed of my past. Rather, I want to glorify God with who I was and how He changed me, and still is changing me. I hope and pray that this testimony can speak to those who are going through the same things I went through: online game addiction and being unequally yoked with unbelievers. These are hard to get rid of, so never fight your battles alone. God is here, and so is the body of Christ. Keep moving forward, even if you have to crawl.
I'll end this with Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.
