E
This is pretty long so be prepared.
Like a lot of people, I was trying to find my place in the world. Trying to find out who I was.
My dad left the family when I was about 5 years old ( I am the oldest of three). He was in the navy, but at the same time, only thought of himself. See, the reason my dad left was because he found his desires in other women. My mom tried to make it work for us. My dad and mom eventually got divorced not too long after that. I never heard from my dad except on our birthdays and Christmas. For kids (my brother, sister and me) it's really hard not to have a father.
I was about 5 years old when we went to my grandma's house in Arizona. When we spent the night, I spent the night in my uncle's room. My uncle showed me things that you shouldn't show a child. Without being graphic, he lead me into performing sexual acts on him. I never told anyone about it. My family still does not know that it happened.
Since that incident, I thought it was alright. I mean, he did make me feel comfortable. It must have been alright.
My mom was always gone. She was working at two different places, sometimes three. She was too busy trying to support us, that we didn't get to spend a lot of time with us. Every now and then, because she worked her way in management, she, every now and then, took us to work with her. That was our quality time together.
Until I was about 10 years old, we would go to my grandma's house (who lives only 4 blocks away). After that, I would help take care of my brother and sister.
In elementary school, I was a smart kid. I got good grades, and every one was my friend. I was probably the only one who had a girlfriend before 4th grade. No one bullied me. In junior high, it started out good then I started to slowly slip away. This is about the time when I became a thief. Still, I met more friends and every one seemed to know me.
High school is where things just went downhill. At first I was getting B's and C's. I would only get A's in the classes that I was interested in. I was, I think, 14 when I started smoking marijuana. I joined the marching band not knowing how to play or read music. When the instructor found out that I couldn't play or read music, he didn't bother having me transfer, he, through my time there, taught me the read and play music during the year. I started off with the crash cymbals. Anyways, my last years took me farther into my sinful ways. I stole more and more and smoked marijuana.
My mom's brother ( my uncle), his friend, and I would smoke together. Without my uncle knowing, his friend and I got together. Without saying a lot, we were secretly together for a while.
I barely graduated. That's only because 2 months before we were supposed to graduate, I went to my teachers and asked if I could do any extra work so that I can graduate. That was a lot of work because I was ditching classes.
I started working two jobs, dropped one when I decided to go to culinary school.
After 2 semesters, I dropped out. I got involved with the wrong people and started committing crimes. Still smoking marijuana and now cigarettes and engaging in homosexuality. I got involved with a tagging crew, not actually a member, and it lead up to imprisonment. Tagging crews are no different from gangs. The night after my uncle was stabbed, a young man lost his life.
Through all of this, I went to church with my grandma. I was also going to another church.
After I was arrested, I went through a great deal of depression. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want contact no one. Leave me alone to die where I'm at. My uncle was arrested with me and he then gave his life to the Lord. It wasn't until 2 months later that I gave my life to the Lord.
I gave my life because I wanted help. Not really paying attention to the help I needed to change my life, but to help me with my court hearings. Well, it didn't go as I planned but God's planned prevailed. He changed my life in a way that... you can't explain the change. I had so much passion and desire to serve Him that all my troubles went away. I wasn't afraid that I was going to get 25 years to life. I wasn't paying attention to myself. I cared about other people. I also had a deep regret for taking another life.
I truly feel sorry for the pain that I've caused the family. With the help of God, I used that last incident to keep me motivated in wanting to serve God. There are a lot of people that needed God as much as I do.
I ended up getting 6 years with 85%. So with good behavior, I would get out 8 months early. When I arrived at prison, I met some brothers who showed me what true brotherhood is supposed to be. It was wonderful. God placed me in a position to do a lot of good things for the yard. I found favor with the inmates and I found favor with administration. Inmates trusted me with more than they have trusted anyone before. People were able to open up and give a little of themselves. A place full of criminals. Who would of thought that they had feelings. Yes, they do. They can change; and they did change. God can do anything. He did it for me and He did it for them.
I've tried to find out "Who am I?" That song by Casting Crowns tells it all.
Like a lot of people, I was trying to find my place in the world. Trying to find out who I was.
My dad left the family when I was about 5 years old ( I am the oldest of three). He was in the navy, but at the same time, only thought of himself. See, the reason my dad left was because he found his desires in other women. My mom tried to make it work for us. My dad and mom eventually got divorced not too long after that. I never heard from my dad except on our birthdays and Christmas. For kids (my brother, sister and me) it's really hard not to have a father.
I was about 5 years old when we went to my grandma's house in Arizona. When we spent the night, I spent the night in my uncle's room. My uncle showed me things that you shouldn't show a child. Without being graphic, he lead me into performing sexual acts on him. I never told anyone about it. My family still does not know that it happened.
Since that incident, I thought it was alright. I mean, he did make me feel comfortable. It must have been alright.
My mom was always gone. She was working at two different places, sometimes three. She was too busy trying to support us, that we didn't get to spend a lot of time with us. Every now and then, because she worked her way in management, she, every now and then, took us to work with her. That was our quality time together.
Until I was about 10 years old, we would go to my grandma's house (who lives only 4 blocks away). After that, I would help take care of my brother and sister.
In elementary school, I was a smart kid. I got good grades, and every one was my friend. I was probably the only one who had a girlfriend before 4th grade. No one bullied me. In junior high, it started out good then I started to slowly slip away. This is about the time when I became a thief. Still, I met more friends and every one seemed to know me.
High school is where things just went downhill. At first I was getting B's and C's. I would only get A's in the classes that I was interested in. I was, I think, 14 when I started smoking marijuana. I joined the marching band not knowing how to play or read music. When the instructor found out that I couldn't play or read music, he didn't bother having me transfer, he, through my time there, taught me the read and play music during the year. I started off with the crash cymbals. Anyways, my last years took me farther into my sinful ways. I stole more and more and smoked marijuana.
My mom's brother ( my uncle), his friend, and I would smoke together. Without my uncle knowing, his friend and I got together. Without saying a lot, we were secretly together for a while.
I barely graduated. That's only because 2 months before we were supposed to graduate, I went to my teachers and asked if I could do any extra work so that I can graduate. That was a lot of work because I was ditching classes.
I started working two jobs, dropped one when I decided to go to culinary school.
After 2 semesters, I dropped out. I got involved with the wrong people and started committing crimes. Still smoking marijuana and now cigarettes and engaging in homosexuality. I got involved with a tagging crew, not actually a member, and it lead up to imprisonment. Tagging crews are no different from gangs. The night after my uncle was stabbed, a young man lost his life.
Through all of this, I went to church with my grandma. I was also going to another church.
After I was arrested, I went through a great deal of depression. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want contact no one. Leave me alone to die where I'm at. My uncle was arrested with me and he then gave his life to the Lord. It wasn't until 2 months later that I gave my life to the Lord.
I gave my life because I wanted help. Not really paying attention to the help I needed to change my life, but to help me with my court hearings. Well, it didn't go as I planned but God's planned prevailed. He changed my life in a way that... you can't explain the change. I had so much passion and desire to serve Him that all my troubles went away. I wasn't afraid that I was going to get 25 years to life. I wasn't paying attention to myself. I cared about other people. I also had a deep regret for taking another life.
I truly feel sorry for the pain that I've caused the family. With the help of God, I used that last incident to keep me motivated in wanting to serve God. There are a lot of people that needed God as much as I do.
I ended up getting 6 years with 85%. So with good behavior, I would get out 8 months early. When I arrived at prison, I met some brothers who showed me what true brotherhood is supposed to be. It was wonderful. God placed me in a position to do a lot of good things for the yard. I found favor with the inmates and I found favor with administration. Inmates trusted me with more than they have trusted anyone before. People were able to open up and give a little of themselves. A place full of criminals. Who would of thought that they had feelings. Yes, they do. They can change; and they did change. God can do anything. He did it for me and He did it for them.
I've tried to find out "Who am I?" That song by Casting Crowns tells it all.