R
Yahweh saved me from my addiction to lust and pornography. And I am a woman, so that may surprise you. I can't really put my finger on how long my addiction lasted but I do know that it was longer than 5 years. It got to the point where I was looking for anonymous encounters, sex chatting, and actually considering getting into prostitution just so I could get my highs. I am a virgin physically, and I thank God for that because if I had been sleeping with men, I would probably be dead now. It was so bad, all I ever thought about was sex, and when I could get my next high. And when I did think normally it was so boring that I just converted anything into sexual stuff in my mind. I hated reality and would always be on a fantasy world. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I will say that the pornography I used was mostly erotica, and I'm not talking 50 shades or that romantic kind, I used disgusting hardcore stuff which would probably make any normal woman want to throw up. And I did use actual films and pics too. I was do ashamed of what I became when I got onto the cycle of addiction. I felt so low, evil and many times I wanted to kill myself. I have been in healing since December 2014, and it has been the longest hardest journey ever. I would and sometimes still do get shakes and pains from not acting out. Yes even in recovery I fell so many times and I relapsed Very badly a few times. But through it all God had been right beside me. He has picked me up when I needed it and He tells me I am beautiful and not disgusting. God has changed me and still is. I still fight for purity but I am free now. I still get cravings but I don't have to let them control me. I thank Yahweh daily for His mercy and grace and love. All Praise to Yahweh.
