My beloved man Jan died so suddenly from morning till night.He wasn´t old,ailing or ill.It were the doctors who killed him!This fatal error of them took his life.He died 11.11.´11 at 1 by night.I can´t forget these 7 digits at all.I was only 30+ and it´s harder all the more that I have no children,no close family,just 3 best friends of mine and my belief in God who saved my life and soul,keeping me going on the way I do in loving memory of my beloved man until I meet him again,being as one,for eternity.We had put up at the challet n.11 at 1 by night as well 2 weeks earlier and I had felt there something I couldn´t explain at all.2 weeks later was my beloved Jan dead.As the first it was my work I was going at all the time,already the next day after I got to know about my worst loss and the hardest wound I´ve ever felt in my whole life.Those scars I have at the bottom of myself are reminders of my greatest love I feel for my beloved Jan forever.There are many problems I have to figure out all alone and my heart starts bleeding everytime I feel that someone touches my scars.It still hurts and all the more lately.It was May,month of love,my beloved Jan´s anniversary,his heavenly birthday and mine too that we used to celebrate together.It´s very hard and sad,more than words can say,but God helps me all the time and I´ve got many signs from my beloved Jan by now that I take for real miracles in my life.As I said the first was my work helping me to go through to do not think of my misery too much.Later it were the best friends of mine helping me as much as possible,because I had to leave the job I had till then because of things between these two worlds I experienced at that time,exactly 1 year and almost 7 months ago,that made my belief in God so strong that it absolutely changed my life to find a peace and a sense in life again.I was always believing in God,but now it´s something keeping me going on to live any better life that has been helping me to stand everything I have to go through.So the first it was my work for making me busy all the time,later it were my friends helping me the most and then my belief in God that is my biggest help now.From the beginning I had to be very strong,without any pills for sleep or anxiety,without the things like that.I had no support groups here,nothing like that,just a work,those best friends of mine and my belief in God.The biggest problem for me now is the loneliness going on hand in hand with anxiety,because I don´t want anybody else.They both try to be another best friends of mine and they´re very persistent and faithful friends.I try to make friends in the church I go to almost every day and those strong bonds with my best friends are getting stronger too.So it´s friendship and belief in God that helps me the most now.I´d go on talking this way,but it breaks my heart.
Thank you for listening to me!God may bless you all!
Janka
Thank you for listening to me!God may bless you all!
Janka
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