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For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
I remember making a comment about tattoos one time. The general idea behind them is that they are suppose to tell others a little about who you are. I stated that, "If I was going to use tattoos to describe myself I'd have to stand neck deep in a pool full of ink".
There are not enough words in the English language for me to articulate an accurate description of who I am. I say this from a firm belief that people express who they truly are through their actions, not by their words. If your intention is to learn who I am; then, you will have to observe where I have been and what I have done.
I was very withdrawn, growing up in a family of six. I had two sisters and one brother. My parents were both ardent Catholics and this is where I had received my ethics; which, I carried with me throughout my life. I was always told as a child how remarkable I was; that I would be someone great by everyone who came in contact with me. It all seemed great to hear as a child; but, I had suffered chronic pains almost every night in both of my ears and abdomen until the age of ten when it abruptly stopped. I was very scrawny in my youth and I dawned a pair of thick glasses that screamed out to all of the bullies, "BEAT ME"! They also served as the pivot of humiliating remarks from every girl I was in class with.
I was never one to pay attention in class...
I was always drifting off into some other world to escape the mediocrity of reality. I failed almost every grade I went through; but, the system pushed me through in order to prevent having a twenty year old student in grade school. I spent most of my closed off from the rest of the world. The few friends I had were only around occasionally; which left me to my imagination for entertainment.
Things did not turn around for me until I was in high school. I grew bigger and toned; then off came the glasses. Suddenly everyone noticed me. The girls, wanting to date me so badly often feuded with one another for me and the guys were so intimidated by my appearance they tried their best to get on my good side. I was still a very quiet guy even with people wanting to talk to me all of the time. I did smile a lot; which made everyone feel comfortable around me and I would often crack up jokes to make everyone laugh. There were even occasions where I had a teacher or two try to work their ways on me. This optimistic front everyone grew familiar with was a little too convenient however. It just so happened at the time I suffered from both depression and anxiety; often I would have panic attacks at night with the assumption I was going to die right then and there. I had to also contend with a brother every night who would slip into a drug induced rage and attempt to kill me. Almost every night till I was 26 I had suffered horrific nightmares of serpents and demons trying to envelope me. I had so many precognitive nightmares I couldn't distinguish between reality and sleep. I tried different ways to escape the agony, including the use of drugs and drinking at parties to no effect. What no one realized at the time, was that 16 years of rage was boiling up inside of me from all of the pain, abuse and humiliation I had endured.
While there was a volcano brewing inside of my head; my academics had pulled a complete 180 degree turn from one extreme to the other. Now I wasn't just passing my classes; I was blowing through tests without having to study ever. Once again I was being praised as a prodigy and told how great the world was going to be because of me. This is the spark that set off the storm inside of me. I began ruthlessly attacking anyone who offended me either through brute force or by verbally pulverizing their minds. Suddenly I no longer cared about the consequences of my actions and wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone around me. After recovering from a near death experience and having my face and eyes burned in a violent car wreck I dropped out of high school to the total dismay from everyone and obtained a GED the following week. I moved in with a friend I had out of state where we did nothing but drink alcohol and sulk in our miserable depression for a year.
My father came to visit me and offered to pay for me to attend college. Knowing that I was going nowhere in my current situation I choose to go back. I went with them on a long vacation before I committed to attending the school I had visited. While I was on this vacation I had an epiphany; the person that I was needed a radical life altering change. When we made it home; without hesitation I went down to the local recruiting station and signed up with the United States Army. For eight years I endured unimaginable hardships and pain. When quickly developed a habit in the service of drinking alcohol like a fish and using my intimidating traits to harass anyone foolish enough to come into contact with me. People were so mortified of me they gave me a nickname, the "serial killer". They just knew one day I was going to slit everyone's throats in their sleep with no provocation. Unfortunately I tempered my volcanic rage long before that ever happened. This happened when I went to war the first time. I learned how to vent out my frustrations in healthy non-violent ways. When I returned home from the second war I fought in I was different. Much quieter than ever before and a lot more serious. After surviving two foreign wars and recovering from a nearly fatal accident I found myself all alone on the other side of the world. Laying in a dark room, on a cold floor, wondering what the meaning of all of everything was. I wanted it all to end; I couldn't stand living in so much torment any longer, so I simply laid there, waiting for God to do whatever he wanted to do with me, I was done living for myself.
It was then that I slipped into a darkness. While trapped in a state blackened unconsciousness I had a vision. I looked up through the darkness from where I was laying to see a small shimmering light. This light grew brighter, then began to radiate with a light so pure and bright that not even the sun could compare. From the radiant light descended a being. It was no human; with in this light it had it's own radiant aura. As it drew closer to me from above I could see this creature had the body of a man; but, wings of pure light and dawned armor made from a substance that shimmered. I reached up towards this angel, as my arm was outstretched for him to save me he quickly thrust a spear right through me. I assumed I was going to die; but, I looked back to see a hideous black creature being ripped from my flesh.
I awoke laying on the floor feeling the blood rushing to my frozen limbs. Not saying a word I simply laid there for a moment staring up at the ceiling as I tried to make sense of what I just experienced.
"Was it a dream"? I asked myself.
I gathered myself from off of the floor and walked over to the window. I looked outside and saw it was morning and it had just snowed. Oddly enough; I felt really great, no, not just great, WONDERFUL! I put on some cloths and went for a walk across a snow covered field near by where I lived in Germany. As I was crossing the field about half way to the other side I saw a shinny object sparkling on top of the fresh snow. I approached it and leaned down to pick it up. I held the object up to find that it was a silver chain; attached to it was a metallic symbol. I flipped it over to my surprise was the image of an angel thrusting a spear into a demon. Without question I put it on. From that day since I have never been depressed, suffered any anxiety or any extreme emotion other than joy. My injuries rapidly healed and I was sent home on a one way flight to Texas to be near the family I had not seen in years.
I have been very laid back for years now. I spend most of my time reading books or hanging out with my family. I take a college class now and then to give me something to do; I try not to over indulge in anything. I just live one day at a time and enjoy the life I have been given.
Noba Dee
Romans 8:18
I remember making a comment about tattoos one time. The general idea behind them is that they are suppose to tell others a little about who you are. I stated that, "If I was going to use tattoos to describe myself I'd have to stand neck deep in a pool full of ink".
There are not enough words in the English language for me to articulate an accurate description of who I am. I say this from a firm belief that people express who they truly are through their actions, not by their words. If your intention is to learn who I am; then, you will have to observe where I have been and what I have done.
I was very withdrawn, growing up in a family of six. I had two sisters and one brother. My parents were both ardent Catholics and this is where I had received my ethics; which, I carried with me throughout my life. I was always told as a child how remarkable I was; that I would be someone great by everyone who came in contact with me. It all seemed great to hear as a child; but, I had suffered chronic pains almost every night in both of my ears and abdomen until the age of ten when it abruptly stopped. I was very scrawny in my youth and I dawned a pair of thick glasses that screamed out to all of the bullies, "BEAT ME"! They also served as the pivot of humiliating remarks from every girl I was in class with.
I was never one to pay attention in class...
I was always drifting off into some other world to escape the mediocrity of reality. I failed almost every grade I went through; but, the system pushed me through in order to prevent having a twenty year old student in grade school. I spent most of my closed off from the rest of the world. The few friends I had were only around occasionally; which left me to my imagination for entertainment.
Things did not turn around for me until I was in high school. I grew bigger and toned; then off came the glasses. Suddenly everyone noticed me. The girls, wanting to date me so badly often feuded with one another for me and the guys were so intimidated by my appearance they tried their best to get on my good side. I was still a very quiet guy even with people wanting to talk to me all of the time. I did smile a lot; which made everyone feel comfortable around me and I would often crack up jokes to make everyone laugh. There were even occasions where I had a teacher or two try to work their ways on me. This optimistic front everyone grew familiar with was a little too convenient however. It just so happened at the time I suffered from both depression and anxiety; often I would have panic attacks at night with the assumption I was going to die right then and there. I had to also contend with a brother every night who would slip into a drug induced rage and attempt to kill me. Almost every night till I was 26 I had suffered horrific nightmares of serpents and demons trying to envelope me. I had so many precognitive nightmares I couldn't distinguish between reality and sleep. I tried different ways to escape the agony, including the use of drugs and drinking at parties to no effect. What no one realized at the time, was that 16 years of rage was boiling up inside of me from all of the pain, abuse and humiliation I had endured.
While there was a volcano brewing inside of my head; my academics had pulled a complete 180 degree turn from one extreme to the other. Now I wasn't just passing my classes; I was blowing through tests without having to study ever. Once again I was being praised as a prodigy and told how great the world was going to be because of me. This is the spark that set off the storm inside of me. I began ruthlessly attacking anyone who offended me either through brute force or by verbally pulverizing their minds. Suddenly I no longer cared about the consequences of my actions and wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone around me. After recovering from a near death experience and having my face and eyes burned in a violent car wreck I dropped out of high school to the total dismay from everyone and obtained a GED the following week. I moved in with a friend I had out of state where we did nothing but drink alcohol and sulk in our miserable depression for a year.
My father came to visit me and offered to pay for me to attend college. Knowing that I was going nowhere in my current situation I choose to go back. I went with them on a long vacation before I committed to attending the school I had visited. While I was on this vacation I had an epiphany; the person that I was needed a radical life altering change. When we made it home; without hesitation I went down to the local recruiting station and signed up with the United States Army. For eight years I endured unimaginable hardships and pain. When quickly developed a habit in the service of drinking alcohol like a fish and using my intimidating traits to harass anyone foolish enough to come into contact with me. People were so mortified of me they gave me a nickname, the "serial killer". They just knew one day I was going to slit everyone's throats in their sleep with no provocation. Unfortunately I tempered my volcanic rage long before that ever happened. This happened when I went to war the first time. I learned how to vent out my frustrations in healthy non-violent ways. When I returned home from the second war I fought in I was different. Much quieter than ever before and a lot more serious. After surviving two foreign wars and recovering from a nearly fatal accident I found myself all alone on the other side of the world. Laying in a dark room, on a cold floor, wondering what the meaning of all of everything was. I wanted it all to end; I couldn't stand living in so much torment any longer, so I simply laid there, waiting for God to do whatever he wanted to do with me, I was done living for myself.
It was then that I slipped into a darkness. While trapped in a state blackened unconsciousness I had a vision. I looked up through the darkness from where I was laying to see a small shimmering light. This light grew brighter, then began to radiate with a light so pure and bright that not even the sun could compare. From the radiant light descended a being. It was no human; with in this light it had it's own radiant aura. As it drew closer to me from above I could see this creature had the body of a man; but, wings of pure light and dawned armor made from a substance that shimmered. I reached up towards this angel, as my arm was outstretched for him to save me he quickly thrust a spear right through me. I assumed I was going to die; but, I looked back to see a hideous black creature being ripped from my flesh.
I awoke laying on the floor feeling the blood rushing to my frozen limbs. Not saying a word I simply laid there for a moment staring up at the ceiling as I tried to make sense of what I just experienced.
"Was it a dream"? I asked myself.
I gathered myself from off of the floor and walked over to the window. I looked outside and saw it was morning and it had just snowed. Oddly enough; I felt really great, no, not just great, WONDERFUL! I put on some cloths and went for a walk across a snow covered field near by where I lived in Germany. As I was crossing the field about half way to the other side I saw a shinny object sparkling on top of the fresh snow. I approached it and leaned down to pick it up. I held the object up to find that it was a silver chain; attached to it was a metallic symbol. I flipped it over to my surprise was the image of an angel thrusting a spear into a demon. Without question I put it on. From that day since I have never been depressed, suffered any anxiety or any extreme emotion other than joy. My injuries rapidly healed and I was sent home on a one way flight to Texas to be near the family I had not seen in years.
I have been very laid back for years now. I spend most of my time reading books or hanging out with my family. I take a college class now and then to give me something to do; I try not to over indulge in anything. I just live one day at a time and enjoy the life I have been given.
Noba Dee