During my younger childhood years,and later into my 20's I was drugged by my own father/step mother who are in a satanic cult.Hes a big time sociopath.I can go on and on about how nuts he is,but I'll try and focus on important things.
In a nutshell,he ruined my life.I remember being like 9 or 10 and he threaten to kill me on my birthday if I told anyone what he was doing.
in my 20's he turned my whole family against me using money as a tool.During that time they would drug me for money,to the point they would want me dead,so they can keep their dirty secrets hidden.
I couldn't remember after being drugged.If I was coming to, they kept drugging me till I would just forget.Part of forgetting probably has to do with rituals too.
There was nothing spiritual about me during those times.No God existed.
One day in my late 20's when I was fishing with my sister in a tournament,I was lost in thought about something that didn't add up in my life.Dot after dot were connecting that it made me weak in the knees.We took second place,but I was so lightheaded about these undeniable events that I didn't even care.
Soon after that,I started speaking out and everybody turned on me saying I'm crazy.They put me in the mental health ward.
There's a part here that I wont talk about now,maybe later.At the hospital there was this older man,a very smart guy,but his memory would slip, and he would have a relapse.He would love to instigate the workers there all the time.
He came up to me and started a conversation.
Without me talking about why I was there,he would say these things, giving advice that really helped me out.It was like he knew what I was going through.His name is Ron,he didn't even want to know why I was there.
Now and then he'd say "I know you from somewhere.I never forget a face."
Ron had a photographic memory,the smartest guy I ever met,for real without a doubt.
When He would say that he knew me from somewhere I honestly thought his memory was just getting the best of him.
Ron remembering me is another long story I'll maybe get to some other time.
Anyways.My birth mother came to visit me,and she gave me a bible a friend gave me just before I went into the ward.So I'd read the bible.
Everyday for over 3 weeks weeks Ron and I would have talks.We'd have breakfast together.I'd get up wanting to talk with Ron because everyday He would build me up.
There's no doubt in my mind that God had sent him,and I even told him,and he said "I feel that way too"we both had tears coming down our faces and I guess the workers seen and asked me to not get him riled up.
You know,because he liked to instagate the staff.
In the ward,more memories came to,so I'd connect more and more,left and right.It hurt.The Bible and Ron kept me going and kept me sane.
After getting out, I went back to my sinful life.Drinking and weed were my way of coping with things.
the memories became more clear,more flooded my mind and I had relapse's with like 4 or 5 more health ward visits.
I'd fall back on my bible and prayers.Guess what?!
With every Hospital came more 'Ron' moments.Every time I was heading there,in the back of my mind I was hoping to see Ron.But I've never did see him again.
This time it was me who was there giving comfort.Everything happens for a reason no doubt.Met a sweet old lady who was so depressed,she had a hard time just getting out the bed to greet the day.Her name was Shirley.
We would walk and talk every day.
Alot of the time she would talk about her depression,I'd listen and try and ease her mind without pushing it.
One day her husband came to see her,and immediately I recognized him.He walked by my door and didn't see me.
I know why she struggles with depression now.I'll get to that in another post.
On one of my last days there Shirley and I were walking and talking,and I grabbed her hand.So we were holding hands walking and talking.As soon as we were holding hands I could feel my hand getting this light Vibration,warm,heating feeling and I told her what i felt and she said her hand was feeling the same way.
I miss them both.The staff knows me very well lol.They knew me the 'first moment' I ended up there.
The staff knew if there was anyone there who needed someone to talk to I was an ear.
The real me is very shy, anti-social type.God made a way for me,and others who were there.
The ward patients would often rather talk to other patients then the health workers,because the health workers would just try and diagnose you to medicate you.
I know that sounds wrong.It's just that good health workers are hard to come by.Most are textbook workers and don't know the personal struggles of the patients.
The pharmaceutical business is nasty.It's actually mind altering occult stuff.Man it's a terrible world we live in.
You know,when all these ugly memories came about,I often thought about how the mind is so strong,that it would erase traumatic events so you don't lose your mind.
There were so many times that people would plot my death because my own father put a price on my head.So many people who done me wrong,that they would try and get rid of me to protect their image.A lot of them were 'christian' types.
One time I was trying to count how many times I've came close to death.The number came so high I was like "f*** it" There was no point in trying to count.Gun's,knives,drownings,car crashes,drugs, it goes on and on.
I remember begging for my life so many times,or being just so full of hate that I didn't care.I hated everyone.
During one of the times the memories came about me begging for my life.God revealed himself.
He didn't come to me at that moment.He opened up my mind that it wasn't me talking my way out that saved me, but it was God.He was always there for me,literally at my side.
It didn't matter if they beat me,threaten me,or whatever.God was in control.
Little by little he showed me all these times he was there,Jesus in the flesh/spirit.
Everything was so confusing to me,because I was all messed up.I was mad at him and didn't believe who he said he was,because,not only did I not have a spiritual bone in my body.Why would he just watch,or even punish me.
Remember, I was mad and I'd talk back in anger to Jesus or to the voice of God.In spite of all that,God never gave up on me.Ever!
He gave me the memories of him being there always, back ,slowly.
God has a plan for everything.What he did for me left a huge impact on my life.I've grieved God so many times during our conversations.I just wanted to die and would instagate him to kill me time and time again.
I thought he was satan himself posing as God.
God would show me things that I had no understanding of.He would say "look",or "listen"
and if he showed me something,or revealed a truth.no matter how great/amazing it was.I couldn't trust him.If he couldn't smite my enemies He was not God.Why would God just sit back and watch.
Right from my childhood he was there,but I walked away to pave my own path.
So many conversations and truths were revealed,but a lot of it I forgot.Maybe In the future he will re-reveal them to me.
God told and showed what he wants from me.It's really hard to explain.The spiritual realm is like being in the present, it is what's to come,yet you already lived it.The spiritual realm is more real then this life we live.
In the spirit is where God showed what he needs of me.
Ok,I lived what is going to happen in my life in the future,in the spirit.That's why I say it's the present,it's whats to come,yet you already lived it.
The human mind can't even comprehend Gods ways.I'll tell you a quick story,but first,let me finish up what happen.
The things God revealed to me were truths that are in the Bible,most of it is spiritual truth that took some digging.
Two years ago,last September God tested me for my faith(long story) after passing his test I repented and gave my life for the Lord and prayed for the Holy Spirit just before going to bed.As soon as I put my head down my pillow I felt my heart push in.He really does give you a new heart(Holy Spirit).
Since then I've found what God as revealed to be the truth.The Bible testifies to this.You can only imagine how I felt being an 'un-beliver' and seeing the bible testify to everything he said to be true.The Bible was pretty much new to me.For awhile I thought my mind was just making up encounters with God and even satan.But the Bible kept testifying that his word is true.It blew my mind!
You guys,the Bible is the Two Witnesses of Revelation.I made a sloppy thread on this awhile back.
With the Holy Spirit,having your heart focused on God everyday,and daily praying,ask God and he will receive you,he will be a father to you.Whatever you ask for in spiritual truths he will reveal it to you.Most of it will come in 'dreams/visions.' The same thing happen to the prophets.
those with the Holy Spirit are to share with the 'church' The temples of God.You!
The denomination churches like to say that their church is Holy Spirit led.But God says,"come out from her my people"
The Spirit of truth,that comes in Jesus name, is your teacher.A lot of people,including myself at the moment,are spiritually dying. We don't know spiritual truths and don't live spiritual lives.We live in the mind,not in the heart.
The people who done you wrong,those who you consider your enemy,other then satan,they are not your worst enemy.
It's you!you are your worst enemy.Because you give in to the emotions of your mind and the desires of the flesh.
The real battle is yourself that's the true battle.
Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
This is what satan fears,because he uses your mind/body against you.That's why we are to be a living sacrifice,spiritually.Crucify the desires of the flesh.You can't do this alone,that is why Jesus died on the cross for us.He said "follow me"
Not only do you have to be willing to die for your faith,but you must crucify the flesh daily.
God wants us to be spiritual people.Many of us would rather live in the mind and convince ourselves that everything is good,that we are close to God.
The mind is stubborn to the max. I'll tell you an some encounters with Jesus that relates to what I've just said.
In my mid 20's when my life was a real struggle God would reveal his presence,most often with music and scriptures being heard,and I'd be so scared,but the spirit would over take me.The ego doesn't want to be overtaken and wants to be in control.Even though I knew who it was coming I'd be freaking out lol.
During these times,it was Jesus.I'd fall at his feet,it was uncontrollable.
Anyways.We were in my room,sitting on my bed talking.There's no safer place then in the presence of Jesus.
We talked and he would tell me what he wants from me.He knew me from the heart.When I would say something I thought was my true feelings he wouldn't believe me,even thought I thought I was being true to my self.
It was because I was living in the mind,and not in the heart.So I told him "put whats in my heart into my mind".And every so often he would do just that.and it hurt everytime.My true self being revealed over and over was painful.That's a lesson I'll never forget.
Another one is when I asked him for something personal that I'm not going to disclose.He looked up,and back at me and said "no".I thought "ask and you shall receive" yet I got shot down?.
So Jesus says "ask again".He wanted me to ask him again,which I thought was weird,yet I did ask.He looks up,and back at me and says "sorry Paul,but the answer is still no"
and I was so rejected and kind of angry that he had me ask twice.
Guess what?he says "ask again"
Lol I was telling him "why are you making me ask again when your just going to say no?"
He had this beautiful smile on his face and says "just ask"
Yeah I asked again,ready to be rejected.He never took his eyes off of me and he said"yes Paul,you can.
Three times I had to ask lol.
But! what really hit me was that he didn't look up and back at me.He never took his eyes off of me,and when he said "yes" This feeling hit me like a ton of bricks that this was God in the flesh.He had this smile on his face,I had this huge smile on his face.He knew that it hit me,I was such in awe I said "who are you??!"
He stood up,so I stood up,he put one palm out, and then the other, apart ,facing each other and said "I am the Alpha and Omega,the first and the last,the beginning and the end.I knew you since before creation of the world".
After Jesus said that I just broke down and feet at his feet.
Jesus has God's fullness dwelling in him,he is spirit in the flesh,God in the flesh.When you receive the Holy Spirit,the Spirit comes in the name of Jesus.He dwells in you.
See,I knew enough from what I've heard that Jesus was God in the flesh,but I didn't take it to the heart till that moment.
I know it sounds like pretty basic bible knowledge,but I didn't take it to the heart,where God knows you.
All of the stuff mentioned is just parts of what happen.There's probably a lot of errors. I'll come back and fix later
It's the battle of the mind.
I'll talk about the part of Ron and Shirley next time.
In a nutshell,he ruined my life.I remember being like 9 or 10 and he threaten to kill me on my birthday if I told anyone what he was doing.
in my 20's he turned my whole family against me using money as a tool.During that time they would drug me for money,to the point they would want me dead,so they can keep their dirty secrets hidden.
I couldn't remember after being drugged.If I was coming to, they kept drugging me till I would just forget.Part of forgetting probably has to do with rituals too.
There was nothing spiritual about me during those times.No God existed.
One day in my late 20's when I was fishing with my sister in a tournament,I was lost in thought about something that didn't add up in my life.Dot after dot were connecting that it made me weak in the knees.We took second place,but I was so lightheaded about these undeniable events that I didn't even care.
Soon after that,I started speaking out and everybody turned on me saying I'm crazy.They put me in the mental health ward.
There's a part here that I wont talk about now,maybe later.At the hospital there was this older man,a very smart guy,but his memory would slip, and he would have a relapse.He would love to instigate the workers there all the time.
He came up to me and started a conversation.
Without me talking about why I was there,he would say these things, giving advice that really helped me out.It was like he knew what I was going through.His name is Ron,he didn't even want to know why I was there.
Now and then he'd say "I know you from somewhere.I never forget a face."
Ron had a photographic memory,the smartest guy I ever met,for real without a doubt.
When He would say that he knew me from somewhere I honestly thought his memory was just getting the best of him.
Ron remembering me is another long story I'll maybe get to some other time.
Anyways.My birth mother came to visit me,and she gave me a bible a friend gave me just before I went into the ward.So I'd read the bible.
Everyday for over 3 weeks weeks Ron and I would have talks.We'd have breakfast together.I'd get up wanting to talk with Ron because everyday He would build me up.
There's no doubt in my mind that God had sent him,and I even told him,and he said "I feel that way too"we both had tears coming down our faces and I guess the workers seen and asked me to not get him riled up.
You know,because he liked to instagate the staff.
In the ward,more memories came to,so I'd connect more and more,left and right.It hurt.The Bible and Ron kept me going and kept me sane.
After getting out, I went back to my sinful life.Drinking and weed were my way of coping with things.
the memories became more clear,more flooded my mind and I had relapse's with like 4 or 5 more health ward visits.
I'd fall back on my bible and prayers.Guess what?!
With every Hospital came more 'Ron' moments.Every time I was heading there,in the back of my mind I was hoping to see Ron.But I've never did see him again.
This time it was me who was there giving comfort.Everything happens for a reason no doubt.Met a sweet old lady who was so depressed,she had a hard time just getting out the bed to greet the day.Her name was Shirley.
We would walk and talk every day.
Alot of the time she would talk about her depression,I'd listen and try and ease her mind without pushing it.
One day her husband came to see her,and immediately I recognized him.He walked by my door and didn't see me.
I know why she struggles with depression now.I'll get to that in another post.
On one of my last days there Shirley and I were walking and talking,and I grabbed her hand.So we were holding hands walking and talking.As soon as we were holding hands I could feel my hand getting this light Vibration,warm,heating feeling and I told her what i felt and she said her hand was feeling the same way.
I miss them both.The staff knows me very well lol.They knew me the 'first moment' I ended up there.
The staff knew if there was anyone there who needed someone to talk to I was an ear.
The real me is very shy, anti-social type.God made a way for me,and others who were there.
The ward patients would often rather talk to other patients then the health workers,because the health workers would just try and diagnose you to medicate you.
I know that sounds wrong.It's just that good health workers are hard to come by.Most are textbook workers and don't know the personal struggles of the patients.
The pharmaceutical business is nasty.It's actually mind altering occult stuff.Man it's a terrible world we live in.
You know,when all these ugly memories came about,I often thought about how the mind is so strong,that it would erase traumatic events so you don't lose your mind.
There were so many times that people would plot my death because my own father put a price on my head.So many people who done me wrong,that they would try and get rid of me to protect their image.A lot of them were 'christian' types.
One time I was trying to count how many times I've came close to death.The number came so high I was like "f*** it" There was no point in trying to count.Gun's,knives,drownings,car crashes,drugs, it goes on and on.
I remember begging for my life so many times,or being just so full of hate that I didn't care.I hated everyone.
During one of the times the memories came about me begging for my life.God revealed himself.
He didn't come to me at that moment.He opened up my mind that it wasn't me talking my way out that saved me, but it was God.He was always there for me,literally at my side.
It didn't matter if they beat me,threaten me,or whatever.God was in control.
Little by little he showed me all these times he was there,Jesus in the flesh/spirit.
Everything was so confusing to me,because I was all messed up.I was mad at him and didn't believe who he said he was,because,not only did I not have a spiritual bone in my body.Why would he just watch,or even punish me.
Remember, I was mad and I'd talk back in anger to Jesus or to the voice of God.In spite of all that,God never gave up on me.Ever!
He gave me the memories of him being there always, back ,slowly.
God has a plan for everything.What he did for me left a huge impact on my life.I've grieved God so many times during our conversations.I just wanted to die and would instagate him to kill me time and time again.
I thought he was satan himself posing as God.
God would show me things that I had no understanding of.He would say "look",or "listen"
and if he showed me something,or revealed a truth.no matter how great/amazing it was.I couldn't trust him.If he couldn't smite my enemies He was not God.Why would God just sit back and watch.
Right from my childhood he was there,but I walked away to pave my own path.
So many conversations and truths were revealed,but a lot of it I forgot.Maybe In the future he will re-reveal them to me.
God told and showed what he wants from me.It's really hard to explain.The spiritual realm is like being in the present, it is what's to come,yet you already lived it.The spiritual realm is more real then this life we live.
In the spirit is where God showed what he needs of me.
Ok,I lived what is going to happen in my life in the future,in the spirit.That's why I say it's the present,it's whats to come,yet you already lived it.
The human mind can't even comprehend Gods ways.I'll tell you a quick story,but first,let me finish up what happen.
The things God revealed to me were truths that are in the Bible,most of it is spiritual truth that took some digging.
Two years ago,last September God tested me for my faith(long story) after passing his test I repented and gave my life for the Lord and prayed for the Holy Spirit just before going to bed.As soon as I put my head down my pillow I felt my heart push in.He really does give you a new heart(Holy Spirit).
Since then I've found what God as revealed to be the truth.The Bible testifies to this.You can only imagine how I felt being an 'un-beliver' and seeing the bible testify to everything he said to be true.The Bible was pretty much new to me.For awhile I thought my mind was just making up encounters with God and even satan.But the Bible kept testifying that his word is true.It blew my mind!
You guys,the Bible is the Two Witnesses of Revelation.I made a sloppy thread on this awhile back.
With the Holy Spirit,having your heart focused on God everyday,and daily praying,ask God and he will receive you,he will be a father to you.Whatever you ask for in spiritual truths he will reveal it to you.Most of it will come in 'dreams/visions.' The same thing happen to the prophets.
those with the Holy Spirit are to share with the 'church' The temples of God.You!
The denomination churches like to say that their church is Holy Spirit led.But God says,"come out from her my people"
The Spirit of truth,that comes in Jesus name, is your teacher.A lot of people,including myself at the moment,are spiritually dying. We don't know spiritual truths and don't live spiritual lives.We live in the mind,not in the heart.
The people who done you wrong,those who you consider your enemy,other then satan,they are not your worst enemy.
It's you!you are your worst enemy.Because you give in to the emotions of your mind and the desires of the flesh.
The real battle is yourself that's the true battle.
Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
This is what satan fears,because he uses your mind/body against you.That's why we are to be a living sacrifice,spiritually.Crucify the desires of the flesh.You can't do this alone,that is why Jesus died on the cross for us.He said "follow me"
Not only do you have to be willing to die for your faith,but you must crucify the flesh daily.
God wants us to be spiritual people.Many of us would rather live in the mind and convince ourselves that everything is good,that we are close to God.
The mind is stubborn to the max. I'll tell you an some encounters with Jesus that relates to what I've just said.
In my mid 20's when my life was a real struggle God would reveal his presence,most often with music and scriptures being heard,and I'd be so scared,but the spirit would over take me.The ego doesn't want to be overtaken and wants to be in control.Even though I knew who it was coming I'd be freaking out lol.
During these times,it was Jesus.I'd fall at his feet,it was uncontrollable.
Anyways.We were in my room,sitting on my bed talking.There's no safer place then in the presence of Jesus.
We talked and he would tell me what he wants from me.He knew me from the heart.When I would say something I thought was my true feelings he wouldn't believe me,even thought I thought I was being true to my self.
It was because I was living in the mind,and not in the heart.So I told him "put whats in my heart into my mind".And every so often he would do just that.and it hurt everytime.My true self being revealed over and over was painful.That's a lesson I'll never forget.
Another one is when I asked him for something personal that I'm not going to disclose.He looked up,and back at me and said "no".I thought "ask and you shall receive" yet I got shot down?.
So Jesus says "ask again".He wanted me to ask him again,which I thought was weird,yet I did ask.He looks up,and back at me and says "sorry Paul,but the answer is still no"
and I was so rejected and kind of angry that he had me ask twice.
Guess what?he says "ask again"
Lol I was telling him "why are you making me ask again when your just going to say no?"
He had this beautiful smile on his face and says "just ask"
Yeah I asked again,ready to be rejected.He never took his eyes off of me and he said"yes Paul,you can.
Three times I had to ask lol.
But! what really hit me was that he didn't look up and back at me.He never took his eyes off of me,and when he said "yes" This feeling hit me like a ton of bricks that this was God in the flesh.He had this smile on his face,I had this huge smile on his face.He knew that it hit me,I was such in awe I said "who are you??!"
He stood up,so I stood up,he put one palm out, and then the other, apart ,facing each other and said "I am the Alpha and Omega,the first and the last,the beginning and the end.I knew you since before creation of the world".
After Jesus said that I just broke down and feet at his feet.
Jesus has God's fullness dwelling in him,he is spirit in the flesh,God in the flesh.When you receive the Holy Spirit,the Spirit comes in the name of Jesus.He dwells in you.
See,I knew enough from what I've heard that Jesus was God in the flesh,but I didn't take it to the heart till that moment.
I know it sounds like pretty basic bible knowledge,but I didn't take it to the heart,where God knows you.
All of the stuff mentioned is just parts of what happen.There's probably a lot of errors. I'll come back and fix later
It's the battle of the mind.
I'll talk about the part of Ron and Shirley next time.
