Demons...

I had been brought up with God and have always believed in him, never have doubted his existence and have always had the desire to serve him. But it's never been easy for me especially when I became an adult.

After turning seventeen I was more interested in having fun and indulging in earthly pleasures such as pre-marital sex with my long term boyfriend and getting drunk and partying every weekend. And I have continued doing this up until two days ago. I feel I have woken up to myself because there is a possiblity that I am pregnant with a baby to a man I have no feelings for and who I don't want to see again. we went on a couple of dates and there was no chemistry and because I mentioned that I have been getting drunk almost every weekend for the last 5 years, we had sex because I was completely intoxicated and when I am that drunk it's easy to take advantage of me. It was unprotected but I was too drunk to notice and I thought that he "pulled out" but he didn't. I have not confirmed yet that I am pregnant but there are convincing physical symptoms even though I have taken 6 pregnancy tests in the last month and they have come up negative. I am worried and ashamed because this is a situation I have always been disgusted by and never wanted for myself. I have no intention of having a relationship with this guy if it turns out I am pregnant because he repulses me so I will be a single Christian mother, forever in this guys life as long as this child is living and breathing. I know it's selfish of me but I can't help thinking about how badly I hope he wants nothing to do with the baby so I can raise the child on my own. I've wanted a Christian husband to have my own family with and I feel that I've ruined my life even though i know things can work out in the end.

Anyways that is my current situation.

My background is this: Ever since I was around 12 or 13 I started having dreams of a godly nature. I know they are from God because I can feel it. They have a profound effect on me. I have also had dreams about future wars and things that are to come but I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of them. Then I started getting harrassed by demons which was my own fault because I stupidly fooled around with tarot cards thinking they were meaningless and because I didn't take them seriously they'd have no effect on me. But the cards took me seriously and for a year straight I had nightmares that I was normal and then demons would inhabit my body, the lights would flick on and off in the dream, my face would contort and I'd be biting down on my teeth trying to break them. The demons would throw me around the room in the dream and it doesn't sound that scary but the thing about these dreams is the atmosphere you feel. anyone who has had these dreams understands what I mean. I was blinded by these demons and they held me in bondage for that whole year. I never once thought to pray for deliverance, that's how blind they made me even though as a Christian, I should have prayed straight away. After that year I got sick and tired of being afraid. I couldn't sleep alone I was so scared. So I prayed for about a month straight every night and then one night in my dreams the demons were coming to get me. The lights flickered on and off in the dream and I thought "here they come" but something told me to yell out "the blood of the lamb" a couple times and I did. I started coughing out black demons. There was between 5-7 of them. after that I didn't have any of those dreams for about another year. I should have been more appreciative of what God did for me but I was completely ungrateful and kept on with my sinful lifestyle.

I then met my next boyfriend and he seemed perfect. I fell pregnant to him within two months of us dating and he propsed to me. Unfortunately I miscarried the baby at 9 weeks. After that my fiance started hitting me and pushing me and calling me names. He had been invovled in the occult and all kinds of things in his past and he hated God bitterly. He was having nightmares that the devil was visiting him and I prayed to God to rid him of the dreams and God did. The last dream he had was a demon scolding me because of my crucifix necklace in the bathroom. Scary right? My fiance had a massive alcohol abuse problem and when he would get drunk he would tell me he was going to hit me and would become violent. Then when he would sober he said he couldnt remember doing it. I believe he is severely oppressed by demons and they also blind him when he is drunk and get him to attack me because they know who I am- they know I'm a Christian or at least that I am saved even though I am struggling. I left my fiance around 6 months ago because I knew I couldn't help him and my family became afraid that one day they'd get a phonecall from the police to say I'd been beaten to death or something. My fiance still denies the domestic violence and anything that portrays him in a negative light and for months after the break up I hated him. But I was still in love with him too. The last night I slept at our house I woke up to see a snake circling in the air. I believe they have him in a bondage that he may never get out of because he cannot admit that he has problems. Everything is everyone elses fault. However I didn't smarten up. I slept with him twice after we broke up which was a huge mistake because he told me he never wanted to marry me and he cut me very deep because after the miscarriage I thought I had his love to hold onto to get me through the pain of losing our baby. But I didn't. So I next weekend I got so drunk that I caught a taxi to his house and started screaming and abusing him. Since then I haven't seen him and have been praying to be relieved of the hate I feel for him. I almost never mention him now although I do still have anger I am trying to let go of.

So I've still been living an unclean lifestyle which as I mentioned I may be pregnant. I think it's a 90% chance that I am. I've been going out and getting more drunk than ever and having sex with this guy I don't care about even though this is not who I am at all. It really isn't who I am but like my ex there are forces around me that I find hard to resist. I want to be a good Christian and live cleanly and walk with the Lord but it's so hard for me. And the demonic dreams have returned but they seem real like they are really happening. The demons won't let me say anything so I can make them leave. Although I have prayed about this to the Lord and last night I had a dream and was able to squeeze out the word "rebuke" and then they left and I think I woke up.

Can anybody offer me some advice to get me right with the Lord and to help me to be the person I should be because I feel helpless and exhausted by the constant temptations that I can't seem to pass up. I keep thinking that life will be boring if I have to give up partying to serve the Lord but I also know deep down this isn't true. I am struggling and really need some help from fellow Christian's.

sorry if this is all over the place and if it's a big read!

Thanks

I had been brought up with God and have always believed in him, never have doubted his existence and have always had the desire to serve him. But it's never been easy for me especially when I became an adult.

After turning seventeen I was more interested in having fun and indulging in earthly pleasures such as pre-marital sex with my long term boyfriend and getting drunk and partying every weekend. And I have continued doing this up until two days ago. I feel I have woken up to myself because there is a possiblity that I am pregnant with a baby to a man I have no feelings for and who I don't want to see again. we went on a couple of dates and there was no chemistry and because I mentioned that I have been getting drunk almost every weekend for the last 5 years, we had sex because I was completely intoxicated and when I am that drunk it's easy to take advantage of me. It was unprotected but I was too drunk to notice and I thought that he "pulled out" but he didn't. I have not confirmed yet that I am pregnant but there are convincing physical symptoms even though I have taken 6 pregnancy tests in the last month and they have come up negative. I am worried and ashamed because this is a situation I have always been disgusted by and never wanted for myself. I have no intention of having a relationship with this guy if it turns out I am pregnant because he repulses me so I will be a single Christian mother, forever in this guys life as long as this child is living and breathing. I know it's selfish of me but I can't help thinking about how badly I hope he wants nothing to do with the baby so I can raise the child on my own. I've wanted a Christian husband to have my own family with and I feel that I've ruined my life even though i know things can work out in the end.

Anyways that is my current situation.

My background is this: Ever since I was around 12 or 13 I started having dreams of a godly nature. I know they are from God because I can feel it. They have a profound effect on me. I have also had dreams about future wars and things that are to come but I don't know what I'm supposed to get out of them. Then I started getting harrassed by demons which was my own fault because I stupidly fooled around with tarot cards thinking they were meaningless and because I didn't take them seriously they'd have no effect on me. But the cards took me seriously and for a year straight I had nightmares that I was normal and then demons would inhabit my body, the lights would flick on and off in the dream, my face would contort and I'd be biting down on my teeth trying to break them. The demons would throw me around the room in the dream and it doesn't sound that scary but the thing about these dreams is the atmosphere you feel. anyone who has had these dreams understands what I mean. I was blinded by these demons and they held me in bondage for that whole year. I never once thought to pray for deliverance, that's how blind they made me even though as a Christian, I should have prayed straight away. After that year I got sick and tired of being afraid. I couldn't sleep alone I was so scared. So I prayed for about a month straight every night and then one night in my dreams the demons were coming to get me. The lights flickered on and off in the dream and I thought "here they come" but something told me to yell out "the blood of the lamb" a couple times and I did. I started coughing out black demons. There was between 5-7 of them. after that I didn't have any of those dreams for about another year. I should have been more appreciative of what God did for me but I was completely ungrateful and kept on with my sinful lifestyle.

I then met my next boyfriend and he seemed perfect. I fell pregnant to him within two months of us dating and he propsed to me. Unfortunately I miscarried the baby at 9 weeks. After that my fiance started hitting me and pushing me and calling me names. He had been invovled in the occult and all kinds of things in his past and he hated God bitterly. He was having nightmares that the devil was visiting him and I prayed to God to rid him of the dreams and God did. The last dream he had was a demon scolding me because of my crucifix necklace in the bathroom. Scary right? My fiance had a massive alcohol abuse problem and when he would get drunk he would tell me he was going to hit me and would become violent. Then when he would sober he said he couldnt remember doing it. I believe he is severely oppressed by demons and they also blind him when he is drunk and get him to attack me because they know who I am- they know I'm a Christian or at least that I am saved even though I am struggling. I left my fiance around 6 months ago because I knew I couldn't help him and my family became afraid that one day they'd get a phonecall from the police to say I'd been beaten to death or something. My fiance still denies the domestic violence and anything that portrays him in a negative light and for months after the break up I hated him. But I was still in love with him too. The last night I slept at our house I woke up to see a snake circling in the air. I believe they have him in a bondage that he may never get out of because he cannot admit that he has problems. Everything is everyone elses fault. However I didn't smarten up. I slept with him twice after we broke up which was a huge mistake because he told me he never wanted to marry me and he cut me very deep because after the miscarriage I thought I had his love to hold onto to get me through the pain of losing our baby. But I didn't. So I next weekend I got so drunk that I caught a taxi to his house and started screaming and abusing him. Since then I haven't seen him and have been praying to be relieved of the hate I feel for him. I almost never mention him now although I do still have anger I am trying to let go of.

So I've still been living an unclean lifestyle which as I mentioned I may be pregnant. I think it's a 90% chance that I am. I've been going out and getting more drunk than ever and having sex with this guy I don't care about even though this is not who I am at all. It really isn't who I am but like my ex there are forces around me that I find hard to resist. I want to be a good Christian and live cleanly and walk with the Lord but it's so hard for me. And the demonic dreams have returned but they seem real like they are really happening. The demons won't let me say anything so I can make them leave. Although I have prayed about this to the Lord and last night I had a dream and was able to squeeze out the word "rebuke" and then they left and I think I woke up.

Can anybody offer me some advice to get me right with the Lord and to help me to be the person I should be because I feel helpless and exhausted by the constant temptations that I can't seem to pass up. I keep thinking that life will be boring if I have to give up partying to serve the Lord but I also know deep down this isn't true. I am struggling and really need some help from fellow Christian's.

sorry if this is all over the place and if it's a big read!

Thanks

My guess is that you were raised Christian. Therefore, you experience deep guilt for indulging in "worldly" acts. Your subconscious mind houses all those guilts and manifests them in dream form.

It's interesting to note, I think, that people who aren't religious don't have dreams in which "demons" are stifling them. For example, I had a dream the other night that I had duffle bags full of raffle tickets that I used as cash. But that's not the point.

I am glad that you have been able to sleep peacefully, but I think there are still subconscious issues which you have not yet addressed. I think you should speak to a professional, personally, but any person willing to listen, Christian brethren or otherwise, can help you dig deeper to the root of your guilt.


Best of luck.