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Testimonies

Have a testimony? Tell everybody what God has done for you!

Thread: my testimony is my life.....

  1. #1
    tkgurl
    Guest

    Default my testimony is my life.....

    i feel like my testimony is not complete yet...this is a story ive never told anyone. my life is my testimony. or atleast it all ties in together. so i guess ill tell you. im coming clean. i need to tell someone. i cant keep in in anymore....ive experienced somethings no one ever should. im only 15 and i know too much. atleast thats what i think. i was born into a "christian" home. ive always gone to church. i knew every story in the bible at a very young age. and when i was young things seemed so easy and carefree. then he came. he is a man that is a close relative and friend of my father's. i will never say his name. when i was very young he molested me and this went on for a number of years. even at such a small age i knew something was extremely wrong. i began to fear. in the middle of the night i would wake up and cry thinking that he might come. when my parents left him to babysit me and my siblings i would make sure we were all in the same room. at a very young age i knew this man was bad. even thought i tried to stay away from him my parents kept inviting him over. unfortunately i couldnt protect my other sisters....he got to them too. but then one day he disappeared and i never saw him again. i dont know what happened. i was too afraid to ask. constantly, in the years that followed i was afraid that one day this man would come. that he would find me. he knows where i live. he knows what school i go to. when im going to bed on some nights still to this day i fear that he will appear....well with this experience i have a very bad relationship with guys. any guy. im afraid of them. i seem to fake this bold toughness to ward guys off. ive had relationships before. and ive done somethings im not proud of. all the relationships ended badly. the guy would want to have sex and i would become afraid and end or ruin the relationship. my relationship with my dad is horrible too. we hate eachother. hes told me. hes beaten me. we argue all the time. well one summer i was dating this guy that lived next door. he was the complete opposite of my dad so my dad hated him. my dad grounded me for the whole summer because i let this stupid young boy put him hands on me. i was devastated at the time. i thought that he was the only one that loved me. i knew God but i didnt have a personal relationship with him. this boy was making me fall away from God. and well since i was grounded all summer i had to work with my dad. i hated that. well i had gotten so depressed that one day i decided to end my life. i had it all planned out. the day i got home from working i was going to slit my wrists and bleed to death. well that day a very nice boy showed up at work. he was kind and he comforted me when i began to cry. needless to say God brought that boy to my work. he saved me. i know i would not be here today if that boy was not there. well at the time i began to rely on that boy and i fell away from God, so all of the sudden that boy turned his back on me. God was trying to get my attention. it was him who i needed to rely on. not some boy. i still struggle with trusting guys, no matter the age or how long ive known them. i pull away from friendships. im afraid that people will hurt me. im having such a hard time. im pursuing God, even though nothing is going right. i keep stumbling. but i cant turn away. i still cant forgive the people that hurt me. i still cant forgive myself. and that is why i think my testimony isnt over yet. my life hasnt turned around. ive been trying for years. i keep getting discouraged. i keep falling short. i keep missing something. hopefully someday that will change....

  2. #2
    tkgurl
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    i think part of my problem is that i never focus on the good things...

  3. #3
    angelos
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    God loves you dear sister, know that your family prays for you

  4. #4
    Sofie_87
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    God loves you so much my friend and I believe that the key to get closer to God is just to seek Him with all your heart.. just keep praying and he will not let you down.
    I understand that you have gone through some horrible things, but I also think that its important for you to forgive the once that have hurted you and also to forgive your self. cause after all Jesus has forgiven you for all your sins and He wants us to forgive others just as he has forgiven us.

    God bless you!!

    If you want to talk than just send me an e-mail.


    //Sofie

  5. #5
    OurGodReigns7
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    Sweetheart... your story is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry that all happened to you. I'm so sorry the trust issues are there... and understandably so. It sounds like you've never been unconditionally loved. I think what you said is key- that God is showing you you can't rely on a single person in the world to be everything you need. He is the only one for you sweet girl. My heart is torn for you... I know how deeply hurt and cut you've been, and I reached the exact same place as you, wanting to die, the exact same way, at the same age. Honey, you've no idea how free you can be. You've no idea what life, love, PEACE and contentment lies in God. In him, all your needs and wants can be met. Chase him down sweetheart. God never ever puts distance between us and him, it's always us. In your case, your past would prevent you from being vunerable with him or trusting him... All I can say is, there is hope. There is hope sweetheart. In him. Run to your creator, the one who choose YOU before the world began. He's so much more then you can possibly imagine. Private message me if you want to talk honey, I'll be praying for you sister.

  6. #6
    fany
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    Hello painful girl.
    I've been there too. I was countlessly molested, abused,incest, betrayed and more. something was after me always lurking in some corner. It was everywhere! At home, at school, on the bus...wherever i went. There was no escaping.I just couldn't say anything to anyone. When my load became too heavy I had the ultimate conviction that suicide was THE relief (no one could talk me out of it and its trying to bring you to that point too).
    Ive made a few attempts myself. Once I even saw the famous black tunnel and a few hands and sensed the presence of many.

    What I'm trying to say is that the many whys you have can be answered. The way out also exists. The forgiveness too although you'll tend to disagree with me right now. What you have to know is the following:
    1.you suffered all this until now for only 1 reason. You were a pure innocent girl too close to god to be left to make your way without evil trying in all ways to take you off that road.(don't let him as your suffering is not worthless!!!You are marking so much points in the name of god!)
    2.When thinking of suicide, remember that everything you are thinking is 'right' is made attractive to you by ungodly wishes.
    3.I CAN PROMISE YOU WILL RECOVER FROM THIS.YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.
    4.To strengthen yourself, talk to god constantly but also listen, he is telling you where to go. Just listen and obey. within a wink you'll defeat all the wrongs( that part may be hard and you may feel like he is asking too much too quickly,just do your best)
    5.You have to be a cleaner vessel to make it all easier, quit everything you know is ungodly. Cut all ropes with everyone if necessary, you'll tie them back when you are ready. get out of the sight of what makes you bad until you are stronger. Since nothing around you is helping, get out!

    THAT WAS HOW I DID IT. AM HAPPY AND BLOOMING AND YOU CAN DO IT TOO. HE WILL FORGIVE YOUR SINS IF YOU ARE READY NOT TO DO THEM AGAIN.REPENT AND REMEMBER THAT HE LOVES YOU SOOOO MUCH!

    god bless. get in touch if want

  7. #7
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    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    That is a sad testimony and i am sorry about all the bad stuff that is going on in life, but if you rely on god, he has great plans for you and trust on him god bless you.

  8. #8
    destiny97
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    I am 16 an i have been through some of what you have i was rapped several times and i don't trust guys.. I have talked to my Youth Group at Church and it was my turn to teach and then i was reading in my bible and i immediately thought depression/worry. I read some scriptures and we talked about them its not like i am trying to shove religion at you, if i do then i am sorry. But, here is some scriptures that i constantly think about and it gets me to thinking.

    Why am i so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him, my Savior and my God. (Psalm 42:5)
    Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding;think about Him in all yours ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
    Rejoice in the Lord always. Iwill say it again:Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything,through prayer and petition with thanksgiving; let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought,will guard your hearts and minds In Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7)
    We are pressured in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned, we are struck down but not destroyed. Therefore we do not give up;even though our outer person is being destroyed,our inner person is being renewed day by day.
    (2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16)
    But those who trust in the LORD will renew their strength; they will soar in wings like eagles;they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
    (Isaiah 4-:31)

  9. #9
    Kefa52
    Guest

    Default Re: my testimony is my life.....

    "In Christ there is nothing I can do that wold make you love me more, and nothing I have done that can make you love me less".
    "Your love and approval are all I need for everlasting joy".
    "As you have been to me, so I will be to others." As I pray , I'll measure Your compassion by the cross and Your power by the resurrection."
    (" JD Greear")

    I have the male life story to match this discussion. For years every time I herd someone call "GOD", father a chill went up my spine. I didn't associate father with anything good. Father, brother, councilor( was molested by a counselor) none of these names worked for me.
    We are human,We are healing and it takes time. It is difficult but the association is still there. The "Our Father prayer brought thoughts of verbal and physical abuse to me.

    I started to heal when I stopped using names other than "Jesus" just "Jesus". I studied the Gospel of love. I didn't need to beat myself up with the rest of scripture. Rediscovering the Gospel has given me a joy in God I have never experienced in all of my years of fervent religion.
    For me, The Gospel (Matthew,Mark,Luke and John) is where the real power is..

    Kefa52
    destiny97 likes this.

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