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Testimonies

Have a testimony? Tell everybody what God has done for you!

Thread: Life is Never Over

  1. #1
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    Default Life is Never Over

    I would like to start by saying that Jesus has been a part of my life since I was an adolescent boy. My maternal grandparents were devout Christians who persistently reminded me that Christ was the origin of my salvation. My parents did not pressure me into a Christian lifestyle, but I was involved at my local Presbyterian church through vacation bible school in the summers where I made several friends. These friends ultimately became, for me, a source of excitement and commitment to Church life. They were, however, often exclusive and innocently condemning of my eccentric, needy personality. If I were a boy in a group like theirs, I probably would’ve had the same attitude towards a boy like me, I was easy to pick on. I continued to grow in this dysfunctional relationship with my peers, attending youth groups, summer camps and early evening movie nights. I confessed my belief in Jesus Christ, cried over his sacrifice, and continued to live as if nothing had changed. The truth was at that point, my heart was still in turmoil, but I carried the mask of one who was devoted to Christ and there was a deep rift between what I felt and what I confessed to be true.
    Around this time, my Mom told me that she was getting a divorce from my Father. I was surprised, but not too much. My Dad had been angry, verbally abusive and addicted to drugs and alcohol. At the time, I felt indifferent and prideful that I could handle this emotionally, it made me feel more mature than I was. I excelled in school, drifted from the Church, and put my confidence in grades. I left high school with top honors, various extracurricular groups and even one award from the marines. I had a handful of classmates that I journeyed off to college with; I had already started drinking and smoking marijuana. My inner life had become purposeless, and college was harder than I expected. The confidence I had once put in school diminished and I kept searching for fulfillment in things other than Christ and began living a lifestyle enmeshed in worldly ideals. I eventually befriended a drug dealer who asked me if it made sense when he said he was god. I said “yes” and laid my soul bare to someone other than Christ. Everything in my life had been warning me of this point in time through dreams, church members reaching out, and friends describing the error of my ways. My heart was hardened and I chose to trust my own thoughts and convictions that led me to experience a drug overdose, supplied by none other than this man I had befriended. I eventually lost my sanity, gained paranoia and was distrustful of everyone. Everything was terrifying and I thought everyone was out to kill me. My older brother stepped in to help, but was unable to administer the care that I needed.
    It was about six months until I turned to the Bible to find the peace I desperately longed for. I remember leaning back in a chair and confessing with my heart and mind that there was a God. Life did not become instantly better afterwards, it was actually quite the opposite. I felt convicted of all the sin and foolishness I had taken part in, all the relationships I had destroyed and the horror I had put my family through. I began interpreting the bible as I saw fit. I had countless ideas on how to get to God and at one point I decided I was able to make it to heaven by ending my life, through my own sense of inflated self worth. At that point, the entire Gospel seemed to be pointing to the idea that I was going to drown myself in the ocean and I would get to go home to the Lord. I don’t know if I was idiotic, prideful, faithful, sinful, confused, loving or ready to die, but I think it may have been a little of all of those.
    This part of my life I call my "baptism" as it was a major turning point. I attempted to drown myself in the Pacific Ocean about seven miles south of Seaside. I plunged my body in the ocean and took an enormous inhalation under the water. Afterwards I found drowning to be rather peaceful and not as painful and horrific as I had anticipated. It was like breathing and the saline water passed right through me. Surprised that I did not experience immediate death, I was ready to take it to the next step and jump off the Golden Gate Bridge; tempted by the devil, no doubt (I shudder at this thought today). I walked back to Seaside to drive down to San Francisco, but was picked up by the police and delivered into the hands of my Mother and Aunt. I was so confused, I had given up everything to be done with this world and yet I was still here, being cared for by my family. My Aunt asked if I would like to start over in Portland and I felt as though this would be the only logical recourse to escape the sinful life I had fostered back home. My Aunt gave me a place to live, food to eat and helped me get into a hospital to give me the proper care I needed. I still strove for the Lord and it was a slow process. It turns out that inhaling ocean water can be a dangerous thing to do, and it caused my lungs to fill up with infection. It was so painful to breathe that I was admitted to the emergency room for a simple surgery.
    I was unfortunately in the ICU at the hospital for about a week and came close to meeting the Lord. In my delirium or divine providence, I was given a glimpse of something wonderful beyond this world. I saw a glowing portal in the shape of a human and women who had hair that flowed and shimmered as if they were made of liquid gold. In the same room as these women, I saw a large blue spirit sitting at a desk. The spirit (the best way I can describe a glowing blue, translucent sentient being) opened a book of holograms that were human faces-- several of them- all floating above the pages as if they were a mask to put on. Sometime later, I noticed the spirit choose one of the faces and now appeared to be human. I saw many other things, such as two nurses exchanging lightning with each other. These weren't dreams, they were as real as sitting in the room with them, I felt as though I had broken into something divine and powerful and absolutely awe-inspiring. I didn't have my glasses with me in the room, so things that were farther away were much blurrier. I could go on in crazy detail but I don't want to distract you from what I gained from all this, that Christ's kingdom is absolutely real, and this age is a shadow of the glory that is to come. After being released from the ICU, my mom and I went to the hospital chapel where we prayed for the Lord’s good care. I don’t know if I will ever see that beauty again, or if I will go through hell to get back there, but I put my confidence in the Lord, Jesus Christ to deliver me to where I need to be. I am often confused, self centered and prideful, but the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven is becoming clearer with each passing day. I will not deny that I am not a man without iniquity, and will continue to struggle as a simple human amidst the world in the presence of God. I am very eager to discover the hills and valleys Christ has set before me and I want as many people as I can to know and see what amazing things can be accomplished through the gospel, for with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. May Christ continue to bless you!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    You have time to edit your post so it is not a wall of text that people will not read.

    You could also make the font a little larger
    oldethennew likes this.


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Ok I will try that. I am a little new a these...

    I couldn't figure out how to do it
    Last edited by moniker; December 10th, 2017 at 05:57 PM.
    Magenta likes this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member stand2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    I REALLY tried to read this. Magenta is right. Keep trying.
    oldethennew likes this.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Time is up. Welcome to CC! I hope you enjoy your time with us.

    Here is your testimony reformatted for easier reading




    I would like to start by saying that Jesus has been a part of my life since I was an adolescent boy. My maternal grandparents were devout Christians who persistently reminded me that Christ was the origin of my salvation. My parents did not pressure me into a Christian lifestyle, but I was involved at my local Presbyterian church through vacation bible school in the summers where I made several friends. These friends ultimately became, for me, a source of excitement and commitment to Church life. They were, however, often exclusive and innocently condemning of my eccentric, needy personality. If I were a boy in a group like theirs, I probably would’ve had the same attitude towards a boy like me, I was easy to pick on.

    I continued to grow in this dysfunctional relationship with my peers, attending youth groups, summer camps and early evening movie nights. I confessed my belief in Jesus Christ, cried over his sacrifice, and continued to live as if nothing had changed. The truth was at that point, my heart was still in turmoil, but I carried the mask of one who was devoted to Christ and there was a deep rift between what I felt and what I confessed to be true.

    Around this time, my Mom told me that she was getting a divorce from my Father. I was surprised, but not too much. My Dad had been angry, verbally abusive and addicted to drugs and alcohol. At the time, I felt indifferent and prideful that I could handle this emotionally, it made me feel more mature than I was. I excelled in school, drifted from the Church, and put my confidence in grades.

    I left high school with top honors, various extracurricular groups and even one award from the marines. I had a handful of classmates that I journeyed off to college with; I had already started drinking and smoking marijuana. My inner life had become purposeless, and college was harder than I expected. The confidence I had once put in school diminished and I kept searching for fulfillment in things other than Christ and began living a lifestyle enmeshed in worldly ideals.

    I eventually befriended a drug dealer who asked me if it made sense when he said he was god. I said “yes” and laid my soul bare to someone other than Christ. Everything in my life had been warning me of this point in time through dreams, church members reaching out, and friends describing the error of my ways. My heart was hardened and I chose to trust my own thoughts and convictions that led me to experience a drug overdose, supplied by none other than this man I had befriended. I eventually lost my sanity, gained paranoia and was distrustful of everyone. Everything was terrifying and I thought everyone was out to kill me. My older brother stepped in to help, but was unable to administer the care that I needed.

    It was about six months until I turned to the Bible to find the peace I desperately longed for. I remember leaning back in a chair and confessing with my heart and mind that there was a God. Life did not become instantly better afterwards, it was actually quite the opposite. I felt convicted of all the sin and foolishness I had taken part in, all the relationships I had destroyed and the horror I had put my family through.

    I began interpreting the bible as I saw fit. I had countless ideas on how to get to God and at one point I decided I was able to make it to heaven by ending my life, through my own sense of inflated self worth. At that point, the entire Gospel seemed to be pointing to the idea that I was going to drown myself in the ocean and I would get to go home to the Lord. I don’t know if I was idiotic, prideful, faithful, sinful, confused, loving or ready to die, but I think it may have been a little of all of those.

    This part of my life I call my "baptism" as it was a major turning point. I attempted to drown myself in the Pacific Ocean about seven miles south of Seaside. I plunged my body in the ocean and took an enormous inhalation under the water. Afterwards I found drowning to be rather peaceful and not as painful and horrific as I had anticipated. It was like breathing and the saline water passed right through me. Surprised that I did not experience immediate death, I was ready to take it to the next step and jump off the Golden Gate Bridge; tempted by the devil, no doubt (I shudder at this thought today). I walked back to Seaside to drive down to San Francisco, but was picked up by the police and delivered into the hands of my Mother and Aunt. I was so confused, I had given up everything to be done with this world and yet I was still here, being cared for by my family.

    My Aunt asked if I would like to start over in Portland and I felt as though this would be the only logical recourse to escape the sinful life I had fostered back home. My Aunt gave me a place to live, food to eat and helped me get into a hospital to give me the proper care I needed. I still strove for the Lord and it was a slow process. It turns out that inhaling ocean water can be a dangerous thing to do, and it caused my lungs to fill up with infection. It was so painful to breathe that I was admitted to the emergency room for a simple surgery.

    I was unfortunately in the ICU at the hospital for about a week and came close to meeting the Lord. In my delirium or divine providence, I was given a glimpse of something wonderful beyond this world. I saw a glowing portal in the shape of a human and women who had hair that flowed and shimmered as if they were made of liquid gold. In the same room as these women, I saw a large blue spirit sitting at a desk. The spirit (the best way I can describe a glowing blue, translucent sentient being) opened a book of holograms that were human faces-- several of them- all floating above the pages as if they were a mask to put on.

    Sometime later, I noticed the spirit choose one of the faces and now appeared to be human. I saw many other things, such as two nurses exchanging lightning with each other. These weren't dreams, they were as real as sitting in the room with them, I felt as though I had broken into something divine and powerful and absolutely awe-inspiring. I didn't have my glasses with me in the room, so things that were farther away were much blurrier. I could go on in crazy detail but I don't want to distract you from what I gained from all this, that Christ's kingdom is absolutely real, and this age is a shadow of the glory that is to come.

    After being released from the ICU, my mom and I went to the hospital chapel where we prayed for the Lord’s good care. I don’t know if I will ever see that beauty again, or if I will go through hell to get back there, but I put my confidence in the Lord, Jesus Christ to deliver me to where I need to be. I am often confused, self centered and prideful, but the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven is becoming clearer with each passing day. I will not deny that I am not a man without iniquity, and will continue to struggle as a simple human amidst the world in the presence of God. I am very eager to discover the hills and valleys Christ has set before me and I want as many people as I can to know and see what amazing things can be accomplished through the gospel, for with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible. May Christ continue to bless you!


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Thank you magenta!
    Magenta, oldethennew and stand2 like this.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Quote Originally Posted by moniker View Post
    Ok I will try that. I am a little new a these...

    I couldn't figure out how to do it
    No worries. It takes time to figure out how things work

    However, if you look to the bottom right of any post you make, there is a button that say "Edit Post" which, if you click on it within the first five minutes after sending the message, you are allowed to make changes to aid in the ease of reading, such as correcting format, spelling, and grammatical errors, which we all make from time to time


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  8. #8
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Quote Originally Posted by moniker View Post
    Thank you magenta!
    You are welcome!

    Also, you can preview any post before sending by selecting Go Advanced

    All those types of options are to the bottom right hand side of the text box.
    stand2 likes this.


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  9. #9
    heartofdavid
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Somehow,i suspect you are subliminally referring to my 5 min rule rant
    Magenta likes this.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    Quote Originally Posted by heartofdavid View Post
    Somehow,i suspect you are subliminally referring to my 5 min rule rant
    Now, now, no need to be paranoid

    Moniker, the five minute edit limit is a thorny issue
    oldethennew likes this.


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  11. #11
    Senior Member blue_ladybug's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    More, and smaller, paragraphs are your friend.. I didn't bother trying to read it, it's a wall of text and made my eyes cross.
    oldethennew likes this.



    Blue ladybug, fearless leader of the orange kitty battalion! She loves orange tabbies and is innocent as decreed by Pottersclay who states that Scripture says that all people who love orange tabbies are innocent. Truthtalk says that God created the world, and then He created wonderful orange tabbies. Joefizz has elected blue ladybug as captain of the brave orange kitty ​army!



    Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
    ​ Orange kitties approve



  12. #12
    Senior Member stand2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    I'm still struggling with the navigation situation as well.............but not giving up. This is the first Christian forum I have tried that has made me feel truly welcomed. Thanks for any future help.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Life is Never Over

    stand2,

    this is a site like no other'; be steadfast in your convictions, but there are many here
    who truly Love their Lord and Saviour, and obey Him and speak for Him when they
    are led...you are blessed to be led here, but you must have a thick skin and a
    forgiving, open, heart, for this site is a very mixed-bag of different views of very
    many different beliefs, sometimes, it's just the way of how many know how to
    express themselves from how they were raised and sometimes 'stuck', not
    having an open heart that has learned how to receive/learn what others know from
    their experience from their Saviour, Jesus Christ.
    'Love is the Key'...

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