G
This is a rather odd testimony for some. I was brought up as a christian by my mom. Though I was just taught the basics, we did not go to church. I loved God. I would say my prayers every night and tell him jokes. And wake up to good morning God. I remember his hand in my life abit as a child. I remember Him asking me to give one of my toys to a lonly looking child on the bus and I even gave her my favorite. I often said I was purchased with my added faith with the price of going to the zoo. When I was young my sister and I were in the back and we went on a road trip. We were going to go to the zoo but it was raining, which my dad was happy about. So my mom said well pray for the rain to stop raining are we can't go to the zoo. I was about 8 at the time. So I prayed that it would stop raining while my earthly father smiled thinking yeah we're not going to the zoo. And you know it stopped raining just like that 
. My father made us wait a bit and when it didn't start back up we all went to the zoo. It didn't rain the whole time we were in there and when we got back to the car, wouldn't you know it, it started raining again. After that my mom would look at me when we were going to the store and we needed to run in and it was pouring rain and said Shawn pray that it stops raining so we don't get wet and I would pray and God would lessen the rain dramatically or completely and I was excited cause God would answer my prayers and my mom knew it. I always wanted to go to church but only time I got to go was for summer when they had the special summer bible for kids. My mom and aunt would get together and us kids got on the bus while they had their time together. I tried reading the bible but it was the old King James version and I couldn't understand it so I didn't bother. One day on the summer church for kids I went up and accepted Jesus in my heart. I was walking on cloud 9 all day.
Well puberty starts to come and that is where my life turns for the worse. See I was always a shy child and well overweight not as overweight as I am now but it didn't help. I would keep only a few friends. And my best friend wasn't that good a friend at all she would put me down to boys so she would look better etc. But she was always at my house hummmm. Well my mom believed in ghost so I didn't think nothing of it so my friends and I played an ouija board. And it had spell out something about a soul mate for me. And suddenly my heart was like struck with wow a soul mate (even though I was not that into boys at the time, lol playing with my model horses etc. ) I thought what a wonderful thing. A true friend that didn't put me down to look better and a hubby what could be better. And I wanted this special someone so I would pray about it. And was so caught up with idea I played the ouija board by myself till eventually I could hear what I called thought voices. And I was excited. Besides the ouija board I was also interested in anything magical like. Well if I would of been able to read my bible as a kid or maybe be more educated in God I would of knew better. I was ignorant. Hadn't a clue. I eventually got were I talked in my mind ( I'd call it think talking) so much to this thought voice that I got commited and was labeled schizophrenic form. I was on medication for a year and I've been off it after that. I wanted to die but God blocked suicide from me. I could think of it but could no longer go through with it. And later he blocked me from even contiplating it. The spirits would put me on what I call roller coaster rides. Basically um once your on the ride you can't get off untill the end of the ride or well if the ride crashes. Later I realized these were delusions that God put upon me. "For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemened who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness 2 TH 2: 11-12
because I was caught up in this soul mate idea that I couldn't shake when it also states "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage, they will be like the angels in heaven" Matthew 22: 30 I know the 2 TH 2: 11-12 is talking about when the anti christ comes but felt God had used it for this as well.
I would be crazy with delusions of God as my husband and I would pray God why do you hate me. Can't you make me crazy about little blue people but not this. I love you God. But I know now He did this cause I had the idea of a soul mate as an equal to Him in importance in my life. Not that I felt my soul mate was God to me just that I wanted him just as much as I wanted God. And He didn't want no other gods in my life but Him. So He left me to be crazy like this at times. And He would make me get up and go to school and go to work cause He said I am not crazy. And I would go about my life depressed. I wouldn't tell anyone about my mind challenges and delusions they were embarassing. I don't know how I got about. I wanted to die. I was living two lives at once.
When I see a post about the loney seeking a girlfriend or a boyfriend I feel for them. I know where they are at. I don't know what to say that will reach them. I just hope they hold on. When I first went under and I realized I was under attack I was like am I possessed God? And I could hardly pray so I just mentally looked and thought with a deeper part of my mind to Him. And I saw that the demons had like braided themselves into my thoughts. Blending in so it was subtle. I started asking God to remove them and when He didn't. I started to mentally chase God. I didn't have a car at time so didn't go to church as I wasn't even 18 yet. So I prayed as a only an ignorant Christian can any way I could. I asked Him if I did something wrong I didn't know about it could He just get rid of the demons first and then tell me what I did. I would surely fix it. I told Him why couldn't He just punish me by sending me to my room I surely didn't mean whatever it was that offended Him. I told Him I said my prayers every night why didn't He tell me as I still said my prayers Hey don't do that. That wasn't it a two way thing. I was clueless. I was like how am I suppose to correct it if I haven't a clue. I could go on and on all the things I tried to get God to remove them. To some this may be wrong but I was like 15 unlearned christian. I did what I could. I heard them ask God to let them show themselves to me to frigthten me. And He said no. Wheh. I heard them ask to hurt me and He said no to that also. So they were not allowed to do things to me. Once I heard them ask to hurt me and when I didn't hear God say anything I thought the answer is no. No what is taking you so long to answer them. And then I got scared since I yelled it God would get mad and then let them hurt me but He didn't. I needed to talk to God to remove them. I knew if I tried to go back to my life and just live it I'd lose my faith. And God was very important to me. So part of my mind imagined chasing him. At first I imagined him way in the back. And I would yell and He would not respond and I would say I know you hear me cause your ears are on the side of your head and even if that weren't so your all knowing. But then I was made aware that God could put me so far in the back of His mind it would be like not hearing me. And I was scared cause how was I suppose to reach Him. I chased and chased sometimes I saw mountains put in my way I climbed them. I imagined Satan trying to get me to want to be God , as God himself or Jesus. And I was like wow He hasn't a chance. I'm so unambitious. Maybe I should be more ambitious but I'm not. And I don't like being in front of people or want people to look up to me. I'm not a great seeker of wanting attention. I thought humm he makes me think he is going after me that way but he is really going after me another way. I don't think much of Satan cause I think it is stupid to think one can go against God, but it doesn't mean his calculating can't cause me harm.
I would pray at night that God would put me in a shelter so I could sleep peacefully and I imagined Him giving me this piece of presswood shield. And I was like a shield God if they hit the shield it will hit my arm and then shove me. Plus with the same amount of effort it took to make this shield you could of made me a force field shield like in Star Wars. So I started praying for a better shield. Eventually I got one I once asked for a gun in my spirit so I could shoot the demons, make that a machine gun cause I can't really see them in my images I only pick up slight blurred images hard to describe. And He gave me a sword and I'm like I'm not a sword fighter God but I can shoot a gun. Plus um I'd like the distance between us. A sword fight puts them more into my personel area. Later on I learned about the sword of the word. But um looked on how to kill them with it. Not in there cause it isn't there time and judgement isn't ours but oh well at the time I hated them so much. Well still do...
I imagined them carving up my soul by tearing me mentally apart and being proud of themselves. I told them anyone can knock down blocks but can they put stuff together. I was so ticked off at how they were proud of there skill in slowly tearing my soul apart. I would yell to God why are they so healthy and my sould is being torn apart.
I imagined him laying traps for me and I saw them laying all over the place and I prayed to God that there was no way for me to get over all the traps that Satan put out to snare me. I rely upon God. I would walk out and I imagined God didn't let the traps get me.
I started going to church and a friend got me starting to read the bible. And there I learned where I got messed up with the ouija board so I repented of that but God still didn't remove them. I got done reading book and was so excited and then my friend says you got to keep reading it. : D I remember starting to read book in the beggining and like um the poor women back then. And why is woman unclean longer for giving birth to a girl than a son and stuff like that. And my friend said start with the new testament. But I have to start at the beggining. God seemed really scary in the beggining they talked about Him being peaceful and loving but I was scared. It wasn't till I got to Jesus till I felt relieved and it was closer to the God I had loved as a child. I knew back then I would of been so dead I would of tried to pick the ark up if I saw it fall.
But even though I was in church and learning and getting up in my walk I still was in the depths of serious trials. I continued to chase God in my mind to get Him to help set me right. I know that he can do anything. If I was crazy He could heal me. So I hounded Him thinking if I make my problem His He will fix it. So I tried to stay crying out to God 24/7. Um and I know God is patient but I was determined.
All through out this I don't know how I got by. I got about my life. No one hindered me and joked that I was crazy. I was treated normally cause I tried not to let any of my trials show. I didn't want to be crazy and demon inflicted.
I know part of going to get help would of been great but having demons is disgusting and embarrassing. It is like what sewage did I crawl through to pick these up. I felt vile. I felt like if other knew it would be like ow the demon harrassed girl. I do not believe I was possessed. The only thing they effected on my person was I would of course be grouchy. Hey I was dealing with alot. Understandable. But they did not control me. They tampered with moods but they hadn't control. I did not want people to associate me with demons. I knew God could remove them.
I now a days say alot of prayers for people that need prayers that are alone and have no one to pray with them. I'd like to think others will do that to. Cause I'm sure there are a lot out there that are scared to reach out or embarrased that need prayers. I would often say God you know my problems I"m right here, are you controled by prayers. You know what you mean to me am I waiting on some other christian to set me free ? I did not understand prayers then. I know we are to ask for things and those that do not have is cause they don't ask. So I asked and I pushed my faith so I would believe. And I said God can someone make themselves believe and controll you with that. Could not the Lord God choose to help me himself. It became personnel to me. I then was so tired I said if You don't care I don't care. And I felt my will break. It felt like it broke from the top of my throat and I was suicidal for eternal death. But God wouldn't let me commit suicide. I imagined my soul going down to bones and then God grabbed me and fed me milk and my soul's flesh came back I imagined He put me in His house and His angels taking care of me but I was still sick and wanted to die. I remember telling Him I'd try to live but was still sick. I felt I was nothing. I imagined He came up to me and yelled angrily at me that I thought I said I'd try to live and I got scared and tried to scramble but couldn't get myself out of my gloom of wanting to eternally die and saying see I didn't lie I can't get better on my own. And then just like that He put a new will in me. And I thought wow I knew you could of fixed me but then I didn't want to live. The will is a funny thing. It just tries to live no matter what. Sort of cool doing its thing and there I was trying to live again. I was slowly on the recovery.
All the while still under attack. I knew that I couldn't look at Jesus and I knew I believed in him for my salvation. I imagined Satin trying to block him from my view. And I was like even though you get in my face and that is all I see it doesn't make you Lord in my life. As um my eyes can only go so far. I know I antogonized the celestial beings but I was unto my limit and praying. He asked me who I was and um I told him my name and asked who he was. I tried to look at Jesus and when I got scared I imagined I would see him in upper corner of my mind and then he'd step back out of view. So I knew I had faith in him even though he was hidden from me.
A while back I was again in a delusion and I'm like God why are you leaving me like this and then I prayed to Jesus and I was like I can't believe this set free. Have you ever been so set free from something and the joy of it. I could then say Jesus's name where I had difficulty before. But Jesus allowed me to go in and out of delusions a few more times to shake them out of me.
In all this time God never allowed me to be a false prophet. I thank Him so much for this. He has watched out for me. Every time in my life I felt this amazing crisis happening and I'd get scared it would come to nothing or things would happen to take care of it. I only mentioned talking to a friend about one part and a preacher man penpal friend about it and got some prayers.
God will not put anyone over what they can not handle. I used to joke with Him I wish I could handle less than what I felt I handled. I"m such a wimp. The Lord didn't allow any pain or them to do anything to me nor my family. Like Job. I often wonder if I was going through something like Job. I wasn't rigtheous only a kid hitting puberty. I had a lot of faith and it got stretched. I found out faith is a gift and I thank God for giving me this large portion to get me through my ordeal.
I haven't been much of a christian in my ordeal but would love to start producing some fruit and I can see the spirit starting to work on me again with more effect than while I was in my trials. He is teaching me to love. I know trials or to build perserverance and character. The only thing I've so far of been able to do was to lift people's faith up abit. I don't know my calling for. If God just wants me to lift people's faith than that isn't so bad. I want to know my place in this body of Christ. I want to do my part.
I know I"m shy though not as shy as when I was younger. Well cause of all the spiritual figthting right way or not I don't feel like taking anything. Though I am called to turn the other cheek. I"m still tender and things hurt. I"m overweight and I know gluttony is a sin. It is one thing I need to work on cause I know it gets in the way of me serving God more completly. Besides me knowing the first thing people see is my weight it makes me tired and not as enegetic. So I need to start exercises. But even if it wasn't the weight I'd be uncomfortable as with something else I know me cause I lost almost all my weight before I went down. And I was still shy then.
I know this all seems crazy. But if anyone is struggling with this. I want them to not be afraid of the evil spirits God is way way way more powerful. Get into the word. Hope you have said the sinners prayer. I was saved before this some may not of been. Do bible study with groups this is important to help you learn the word. Get the word in your heart. I may not be able to quote vs. but if I have a concordance I can look it up. It is there but not verse for verse , I just know I read about it and I can look it up.
Well I felt I wrote quite abit but haven't trully covered any of it. But the broad basics of what I went through. I love love love hearing people talk about what God has done for them. I like hearing people talk about God as real. I like hearing people believe that God still does miracles.
Well I"ll leave it with this. I probably done spelling blunders etc. I hope this encourages any that are fighting with any of this.
. My father made us wait a bit and when it didn't start back up we all went to the zoo. It didn't rain the whole time we were in there and when we got back to the car, wouldn't you know it, it started raining again. After that my mom would look at me when we were going to the store and we needed to run in and it was pouring rain and said Shawn pray that it stops raining so we don't get wet and I would pray and God would lessen the rain dramatically or completely and I was excited cause God would answer my prayers and my mom knew it. I always wanted to go to church but only time I got to go was for summer when they had the special summer bible for kids. My mom and aunt would get together and us kids got on the bus while they had their time together. I tried reading the bible but it was the old King James version and I couldn't understand it so I didn't bother. One day on the summer church for kids I went up and accepted Jesus in my heart. I was walking on cloud 9 all day. Well puberty starts to come and that is where my life turns for the worse. See I was always a shy child and well overweight not as overweight as I am now but it didn't help. I would keep only a few friends. And my best friend wasn't that good a friend at all she would put me down to boys so she would look better etc. But she was always at my house hummmm. Well my mom believed in ghost so I didn't think nothing of it so my friends and I played an ouija board. And it had spell out something about a soul mate for me. And suddenly my heart was like struck with wow a soul mate (even though I was not that into boys at the time, lol playing with my model horses etc. ) I thought what a wonderful thing. A true friend that didn't put me down to look better and a hubby what could be better. And I wanted this special someone so I would pray about it. And was so caught up with idea I played the ouija board by myself till eventually I could hear what I called thought voices. And I was excited. Besides the ouija board I was also interested in anything magical like. Well if I would of been able to read my bible as a kid or maybe be more educated in God I would of knew better. I was ignorant. Hadn't a clue. I eventually got were I talked in my mind ( I'd call it think talking) so much to this thought voice that I got commited and was labeled schizophrenic form. I was on medication for a year and I've been off it after that. I wanted to die but God blocked suicide from me. I could think of it but could no longer go through with it. And later he blocked me from even contiplating it. The spirits would put me on what I call roller coaster rides. Basically um once your on the ride you can't get off untill the end of the ride or well if the ride crashes. Later I realized these were delusions that God put upon me. "For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemened who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness 2 TH 2: 11-12
because I was caught up in this soul mate idea that I couldn't shake when it also states "At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage, they will be like the angels in heaven" Matthew 22: 30 I know the 2 TH 2: 11-12 is talking about when the anti christ comes but felt God had used it for this as well.
I would be crazy with delusions of God as my husband and I would pray God why do you hate me. Can't you make me crazy about little blue people but not this. I love you God. But I know now He did this cause I had the idea of a soul mate as an equal to Him in importance in my life. Not that I felt my soul mate was God to me just that I wanted him just as much as I wanted God. And He didn't want no other gods in my life but Him. So He left me to be crazy like this at times. And He would make me get up and go to school and go to work cause He said I am not crazy. And I would go about my life depressed. I wouldn't tell anyone about my mind challenges and delusions they were embarassing. I don't know how I got about. I wanted to die. I was living two lives at once.
When I see a post about the loney seeking a girlfriend or a boyfriend I feel for them. I know where they are at. I don't know what to say that will reach them. I just hope they hold on. When I first went under and I realized I was under attack I was like am I possessed God? And I could hardly pray so I just mentally looked and thought with a deeper part of my mind to Him. And I saw that the demons had like braided themselves into my thoughts. Blending in so it was subtle. I started asking God to remove them and when He didn't. I started to mentally chase God. I didn't have a car at time so didn't go to church as I wasn't even 18 yet. So I prayed as a only an ignorant Christian can any way I could. I asked Him if I did something wrong I didn't know about it could He just get rid of the demons first and then tell me what I did. I would surely fix it. I told Him why couldn't He just punish me by sending me to my room I surely didn't mean whatever it was that offended Him. I told Him I said my prayers every night why didn't He tell me as I still said my prayers Hey don't do that. That wasn't it a two way thing. I was clueless. I was like how am I suppose to correct it if I haven't a clue. I could go on and on all the things I tried to get God to remove them. To some this may be wrong but I was like 15 unlearned christian. I did what I could. I heard them ask God to let them show themselves to me to frigthten me. And He said no. Wheh. I heard them ask to hurt me and He said no to that also. So they were not allowed to do things to me. Once I heard them ask to hurt me and when I didn't hear God say anything I thought the answer is no. No what is taking you so long to answer them. And then I got scared since I yelled it God would get mad and then let them hurt me but He didn't. I needed to talk to God to remove them. I knew if I tried to go back to my life and just live it I'd lose my faith. And God was very important to me. So part of my mind imagined chasing him. At first I imagined him way in the back. And I would yell and He would not respond and I would say I know you hear me cause your ears are on the side of your head and even if that weren't so your all knowing. But then I was made aware that God could put me so far in the back of His mind it would be like not hearing me. And I was scared cause how was I suppose to reach Him. I chased and chased sometimes I saw mountains put in my way I climbed them. I imagined Satan trying to get me to want to be God , as God himself or Jesus. And I was like wow He hasn't a chance. I'm so unambitious. Maybe I should be more ambitious but I'm not. And I don't like being in front of people or want people to look up to me. I'm not a great seeker of wanting attention. I thought humm he makes me think he is going after me that way but he is really going after me another way. I don't think much of Satan cause I think it is stupid to think one can go against God, but it doesn't mean his calculating can't cause me harm.
I would pray at night that God would put me in a shelter so I could sleep peacefully and I imagined Him giving me this piece of presswood shield. And I was like a shield God if they hit the shield it will hit my arm and then shove me. Plus with the same amount of effort it took to make this shield you could of made me a force field shield like in Star Wars. So I started praying for a better shield. Eventually I got one
I once asked for a gun in my spirit so I could shoot the demons, make that a machine gun cause I can't really see them in my images I only pick up slight blurred images hard to describe. And He gave me a sword and I'm like I'm not a sword fighter God but I can shoot a gun. Plus um I'd like the distance between us. A sword fight puts them more into my personel area. Later on I learned about the sword of the word. But um looked on how to kill them with it. Not in there cause it isn't there time and judgement isn't ours but oh well at the time I hated them so much. Well still do... I imagined them carving up my soul by tearing me mentally apart and being proud of themselves. I told them anyone can knock down blocks but can they put stuff together. I was so ticked off at how they were proud of there skill in slowly tearing my soul apart. I would yell to God why are they so healthy and my sould is being torn apart.
I imagined him laying traps for me and I saw them laying all over the place and I prayed to God that there was no way for me to get over all the traps that Satan put out to snare me. I rely upon God. I would walk out and I imagined God didn't let the traps get me.
I started going to church and a friend got me starting to read the bible. And there I learned where I got messed up with the ouija board so I repented of that but God still didn't remove them. I got done reading book and was so excited and then my friend says you got to keep reading it. : D I remember starting to read book in the beggining and like um the poor women back then. And why is woman unclean longer for giving birth to a girl than a son and stuff like that. And my friend said start with the new testament. But I have to start at the beggining. God seemed really scary in the beggining they talked about Him being peaceful and loving but I was scared. It wasn't till I got to Jesus till I felt relieved and it was closer to the God I had loved as a child. I knew back then I would of been so dead
I would of tried to pick the ark up if I saw it fall. But even though I was in church and learning and getting up in my walk I still was in the depths of serious trials. I continued to chase God in my mind to get Him to help set me right. I know that he can do anything. If I was crazy He could heal me. So I hounded Him thinking if I make my problem His He will fix it. So I tried to stay crying out to God 24/7. Um and I know God is patient but I was determined.
All through out this I don't know how I got by. I got about my life. No one hindered me and joked that I was crazy. I was treated normally cause I tried not to let any of my trials show. I didn't want to be crazy and demon inflicted.
I know part of going to get help would of been great but having demons is disgusting and embarrassing. It is like what sewage did I crawl through to pick these up. I felt vile. I felt like if other knew it would be like ow the demon harrassed girl. I do not believe I was possessed. The only thing they effected on my person was I would of course be grouchy. Hey I was dealing with alot. Understandable. But they did not control me. They tampered with moods but they hadn't control. I did not want people to associate me with demons. I knew God could remove them.
I now a days say alot of prayers for people that need prayers that are alone and have no one to pray with them. I'd like to think others will do that to. Cause I'm sure there are a lot out there that are scared to reach out or embarrased that need prayers. I would often say God you know my problems I"m right here, are you controled by prayers. You know what you mean to me am I waiting on some other christian to set me free ? I did not understand prayers then. I know we are to ask for things and those that do not have is cause they don't ask. So I asked and I pushed my faith so I would believe. And I said God can someone make themselves believe and controll you with that. Could not the Lord God choose to help me himself. It became personnel to me. I then was so tired I said if You don't care I don't care. And I felt my will break. It felt like it broke from the top of my throat and I was suicidal for eternal death. But God wouldn't let me commit suicide. I imagined my soul going down to bones and then God grabbed me and fed me milk and my soul's flesh came back I imagined He put me in His house and His angels taking care of me but I was still sick and wanted to die. I remember telling Him I'd try to live but was still sick. I felt I was nothing. I imagined He came up to me and yelled angrily at me that I thought I said I'd try to live and I got scared and tried to scramble but couldn't get myself out of my gloom of wanting to eternally die and saying see I didn't lie I can't get better on my own. And then just like that He put a new will in me. And I thought wow I knew you could of fixed me but then I didn't want to live. The will is a funny thing. It just tries to live no matter what. Sort of cool doing its thing and there I was trying to live again. I was slowly on the recovery.
All the while still under attack. I knew that I couldn't look at Jesus and I knew I believed in him for my salvation. I imagined Satin trying to block him from my view. And I was like even though you get in my face and that is all I see it doesn't make you Lord in my life. As um my eyes can only go so far. I know I antogonized the celestial beings but I was unto my limit and praying. He asked me who I was and um I told him my name and asked who he was. I tried to look at Jesus and when I got scared I imagined I would see him in upper corner of my mind and then he'd step back out of view. So I knew I had faith in him even though he was hidden from me.
A while back I was again in a delusion and I'm like God why are you leaving me like this and then I prayed to Jesus and I was like I can't believe this set free. Have you ever been so set free from something and the joy of it. I could then say Jesus's name where I had difficulty before. But Jesus allowed me to go in and out of delusions a few more times to shake them out of me.
In all this time God never allowed me to be a false prophet. I thank Him so much for this. He has watched out for me. Every time in my life I felt this amazing crisis happening and I'd get scared it would come to nothing or things would happen to take care of it. I only mentioned talking to a friend about one part and a preacher man penpal friend about it and got some prayers.
God will not put anyone over what they can not handle. I used to joke with Him I wish I could handle less than what I felt I handled. I"m such a wimp. The Lord didn't allow any pain or them to do anything to me nor my family. Like Job. I often wonder if I was going through something like Job. I wasn't rigtheous only a kid hitting puberty. I had a lot of faith and it got stretched. I found out faith is a gift and I thank God for giving me this large portion to get me through my ordeal.
I haven't been much of a christian in my ordeal but would love to start producing some fruit and I can see the spirit starting to work on me again with more effect than while I was in my trials. He is teaching me to love. I know trials or to build perserverance and character. The only thing I've so far of been able to do was to lift people's faith up abit. I don't know my calling for. If God just wants me to lift people's faith than that isn't so bad. I want to know my place in this body of Christ. I want to do my part.
I know I"m shy though not as shy as when I was younger. Well cause of all the spiritual figthting right way or not I don't feel like taking anything. Though I am called to turn the other cheek. I"m still tender and things hurt. I"m overweight and I know gluttony is a sin. It is one thing I need to work on cause I know it gets in the way of me serving God more completly. Besides me knowing the first thing people see is my weight it makes me tired and not as enegetic. So I need to start exercises. But even if it wasn't the weight I'd be uncomfortable as with something else I know me cause I lost almost all my weight before I went down. And I was still shy then.
I know this all seems crazy. But if anyone is struggling with this. I want them to not be afraid of the evil spirits God is way way way more powerful. Get into the word. Hope you have said the sinners prayer. I was saved before this some may not of been. Do bible study with groups this is important to help you learn the word. Get the word in your heart. I may not be able to quote vs. but if I have a concordance I can look it up. It is there but not verse for verse , I just know I read about it and I can look it up.
Well I felt I wrote quite abit but haven't trully covered any of it. But the broad basics of what I went through. I love love love hearing people talk about what God has done for them. I like hearing people talk about God as real. I like hearing people believe that God still does miracles.
Well I"ll leave it with this. I probably done spelling blunders etc.
I hope this encourages any that are fighting with any of this.