R
My Testimony
The meaning of our names
Richard means powerful Carrie means melody Samuel means god hears when they are all together they say a powerful melody God Hears
How I got here it all started in California I was living a party life drinking, my mother got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and I never really moved away because I never could leave her. I was always to scared you see when I was 21 I over dosed on drugs and almost died I never passed out I went through the whole experience from start to finish it was the scariest time in my life. I remember every second I was screaming out I don’t want to die I could hear then doctor telling my mom that my heart could explode I was on the emergency room table screaming out I could feel my body shutting down. My mother was a woman who walked in faith with god who truly knew Jesus Christ. I could hear her say he is not going anywhere. Well I did not (by Gods Grace) I got up in the hospital the next day I asked the doctor what was wrong with me he said nothing in fact your heart is fine. Well for 2 years after that I had anxiety attacks so bad I would not leave my mother’s side I was so full of fear I knew if I died she was so close to God she could call me back. I started to pray god would bring my girlfriend back to me, I did not want to be alone I thought I would never meet anyone like this well it was so hard she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me one day I found out she had a boyfriend that did not stop me I kept praying well God brought her back and in fact we got married soon after that. Then we had a child. My life was spent in the word of God since the overdose you see I never left my house so I could not go out and drink and party so I read the word of God the only problem was I did it cause I could not go out I learned a lot but I never kept it in my heart was so wrong. Then one day my attacks went away and I went back to drinking and going out and she left me you see I could not go out so I wanted her back I was not mature in my walk with god so I turned back and went back into the world I never saw my daughter grow up I blew it but in reality she was not for me we just did not have that connection like I did with Carrie she was everything I have ever asked god for in a wife to be in fact every girl I had ever dated was no like me (who you will meet later in the story)but I made alcohol my drug this time. I never learned when my mother got sick my dad took care of her and I thought God would heal her I loved her so much but I loved myself all my life and In all I did she still loved me with all her heart that is how God loves us but even far greater more then we can ever understand so I was still doing my drinking life well one day he had a stroke and then a second one that last two weeks of my mother’s life I took care of her when she died I went numb something happened to me I just felt no love I did not know what happen I thought I would never love again I thought no one could ever give me the ability to love again I knew God could but I was not interested in him at that time ( Carrie would one day open my heart and then God would really open it) in about 2 months after she passed I was on a plane to Mississippi by myself which was a miracle in its self I was going out there to buy old cars for someone in California it turned out that after 3 trips there and back I decided to move there I had no idea why in fact everyone I met there said why would you move here. Well I got back to California told my dad and within two weeks was on a plane back to Mississippi I got the house in Clinton, MS the day I got there and got furniture and everything I wanted. I was still drinking every night and going out. Was meeting girls but everyone I met was out of my life in a week or two. If fact one girl I met I thought I liked then 3 days later she moved to New York but it did not matter I told everyone I did not want anyone. Well one night I did not want to go out but I was supposed to have gone out to meet a girl that was a daughter of a friend. That was the night that God put the girl of my dreams in my life instead of meeting the friends daughter I was taken to a bar I did not want to go too. Well I went in and looked for my friends my friend who was driving went to other way well he started talking to a girl I went over to get him well when I got to him I saw her sitting down we talked I tried to pull her hair down it was like we were already friends we never fought it was amazing how a like we were with our child like hearts. I got her number and left as I was walking away I looked back at her and she looked at me I knew something inside well we met the next day it turned out she moved from Memphis tn about a month before we met she moved to Clinton ms that was Gods hand bring to people from across the us moving them to the same city and less than 2 mile from each other. The first time we went out I went to jail. I was in there all night she was there waiting for me. It touched my heart so much but I did not show it you see everyone I met in my life I had to lie or have money to get them to like me or at least it seemed. with her I did not have to lie I did not want to it was like I knew we would be together like god just gave us love for each other from the moment we saw each other I just could not believe it, if have someone like that in your life do not let them go don’t just give them a small part of your heart beg god to show you how to be a good man or women there is nothing more presiusos on earth. We became the best friends with true love but I had a void in my heart it was Jesus God was not in my heart so I could not truly love I needed him but I just did not know it. She had a car we gave to my dad but it broke down so instead of getting her a car I got myself one and my dad not her one her car was taken to a repair shop and loved her so much she left me to go home and visit her friends and ended up disappearing on me for 4 days it hurt me so much but I did not have god’s love in me to let it go, I loved her but I kept it inside then we found out she was pregnant I wanted to marry her and not because she we were having a baby but because she was my everything so I did ask her too, after that I started a business but instead of loving her I loved money I did love her but I thought we needed things and I did not show her the love I had for her. My business was failing and instead of getting a job I tried to keep it open we had no money her mom sent 400 dollars to pay our bills and another 331.00 for a bounced check This is where it all started I was still drinking every night and we had our beautiful son named Samuel Brach Bowen on 01/07/09 it was the happiest day of my life along with the night I met my love. She left me 02/01/09 about two months before she left I had a vision I was woken up from a sound sleep I saw her gone when I woke up my heart was pounding I looked to my left then to my right and my eyes could see her I put my hand on my cheats took a deep breath and fell back to sleep in god’s grace and love he tried to warn me I should have woke her up and asked her to forgive me and changed my life right then but I did not real size that god was showing me I just thought it was a dream. I did not understand why she left but I called my family friend like a mom to me I called her my aunt and she walks with god and loves him so much and we talked I cried she started praying for me in that pray she told me god said to put the beer down and get the movie fireproof. After our prayer we hung up I picked up the beer started drinking it all of a sudden I had a pain so bad in my stomach I could not breathe it hurt so bad for like 40 min that next day did not pickup up a beer. I got the movie fireproof and watched but before it was even over I was on my knees crying asking god to forgive me and asking Jesus to come back in my heart when I did every desire for beer drinks bars parting was gone I had no shakes nothing it was gone in its place was a heart so full I love for god and then he filled me so much love for Carrie and my son I could not explain it you see having the desires of your heart does not mean he is going to give you a lot of hot cars a million dollar mansion women these are things we when want when God is not in our life. God wants you to have nice things but first seek him when you start walking with God you hearts desires will change and those desires are given to you by God and he will give you the desires of your heart. I started praying that god would restore my family (my fiancé and son) that he would make me a good husband a father. Well I called my aunt every other day and she would talk and would always prey for me at the end of our talk well. I felt I needed to start to selling these things that I worshipped one thing I had was a 4000 hdtv projector set up I was so desperate to sell it to pay her mom back I was trying to sell it for 700 dollars but god had other plans the guy I was trying to sell it to I tried 4 different times he always said yes but every time he told me to meet something would go wrong and he could not meet me so it never went through it was one problem after the next I gave up but then a hotel was going to buy it well I thought that was a for sure thing but ya god had other plans that fell thorough but the guy who wanted passed my number on to another man well that man called me and came and bought all my blue ray movies for 300 dollars and then he passed my number to a lady about the projector the next day I got an email from her and I called her and she and her husband and little girl came over we talked and then she said were not sure but we know we are supposed to buy the projector for 1200 it turned out they were born again Christians. We prayed before they left and she said afterward she wants and invention to the wedding. It turned out I ended up with over 1700 dollars for the things I was tiring to sell for 700. I was able to pay her mom back not only all the money but even the money it cost to send it to us so she was paid 781.00. And I was able to catch up on all my bills. Now god gave me a job 4 days after she left me doing installs for Comcast cable now on Sunday 02/23/09 I called my aunt and we talked I told her what had started happening and she told me I needed to find a church I said I know we prayed and the next day I put a bed frame I had for sale that same day a young married couple came to look at it they bought it but they were born again Christians and we started talking and they told me about their church I said well maybe when they come back that Friday to pick up the bed they would leave directions well they did leave them that Friday on how to get to their church that Sunday I got up and debated going I asked my dad but he said no I went anyway when I got there I walked in there was no one at the door I got in and they were all real nice they asked if I wanted coffee but they had no cups they were on the way well I had one in my car I went back out to get it when I came back in the wife of the couple that bought my bed was at the door and asked if I got a program I said no she handed one to me upside down as I was walking I turned it over and it said in big bold letters Gods dream for your marriage. I was amazed you see that is what I was praying for. I went home after church I had to call carol and tell her what had happened even when that happen still a wreck God would do something awesome I would be great then I would get all upset I was a wreck then I had no faith or little of it but that built it up you see during this time I am being totally rejected by my love I can’t see my son I was so hurt but I had hope in God so I pressed forward you see when I turned back to Jesus that night he put a love in me for her and my son I could never have without him. It was totally unconditional love. Then one day I felt to call the guy that took her car to the repair shop the car