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I just wanted a few minutes to give the church my testimony because I have never publicly put it out there that Jesus is my savior and because missionaries played a huge role in bringing me to the Lord. To be honest, I don't know exactly if what I have to say is a testimony. I am so nervous being up here because I am afraid that what I went through is going to sound very weird to everyone, so please just bear with me... i hope it makes sense. I wish that my testimony had sounded similar to other testimonies that I've heard in the past, but the truth is, I didn't grow up in the Church, I didn't grow up with saved parents, my parents actually sent us to Catholic school and so i grew up in the Catholic church from 1st through 7th grade. My parents, still, to this day are not saved. As a matter of fact, I do not believe that anyone in my family is saved....there is a possibility that one of my brothers is saved & maybe an uncle, but basically, I have a huge family & for the most part, it's not a saved one. Anyway, around the age of 12, we moved and we were put in public schools and no longer attended any church. And from the time i was about 12years old to 27 years old, I only stepped foot in a church maybe three times. There would come times where I knew I needed God in my life, but then when I heard the Bible preached, it just didn't fit into my life of sin that I was in and I would get offended and put it off for another few years. Then, God brought us to Germany, with the Army and anyone that's ever lived overseas, our missionaries and fellow Army, knows how it definitely puts you out of your element and at times, it can make you feel very alone. So, I was pregnant, in Germany, and my marriage was going through a very tough trial and then a few months later my husband would deploy to Afghanistan. About a month after he deployed, I had our 3rd child and then 2 months after that, I had started not feeling well. Sometime around here, the Holy Spirit must've been working in me, because I had picked up the Bible and started reading the New Testament and I started thinking about how awesome it would've been to live in that day, to follow Jesus around. My parents came for a visit to see our new baby, and I decided that I should go in to the hospital to get checked out while they were here to watch the kids, just to make sure I was okay was wasn't dying. I went in and they admitted me and they found out that I had an infection in my heart They told me was serious and it would require a lot of bedrest on my part, which i knew couldn't happen because I was alone with 3 kids. And i was very scared during that time, the Army handled things wrong and we were in a bad unit, the army wasn't listening to my doctors. Anyway, I was very alone and scared for my health and for my life and I really had an urge to go to church. So, i went to church at Liberty Baptist Church in Schweinfurt, where we lived, and it was a church that was run by missionaries who've left their families back in the States to come to Germany and get the gospel out. There were services in English and services in German. The first time I went, I was very critical, it didn't look like a normal church, the nursery was small, the church was small, i thought the people were friendly, but I noticed that they weren't like me. Soemthing i would thank God for later, but as a lost person i thought was weird. After I left that first time at church , I wasn't sure that I was going to go back, but then I made a promise to go back one more time before trying to find a different church. So i went that following Wednesday and on Wednesdays they took prayer requests and prayed and then did some studying from the Bible afterwards. Well, I had no clue what to do that day, I didn't even know what they were doing. One person took the prayer requests and then we all prayed together, while the one person was praying aloud. I looked around at the room, and heads were bowed in serious prayer and it kind of made me uncomfortable because I didn't understand what I was supposed to do. I didn't know. Then, I heard my name coming from the gentleman that was praying.....and i felt a feeling that i really couldn't even describe. These people were genuinely praying for me and my family.......they didn't even know me...... I had only been there once before, but the Pastor had talked with me and knew what I was going through a bit, and so they prayed for me, I HAD PEOPLE putting my familys name before the Lord. I didn't understand why they did that, I went home and I am pretty sure I cried that night because I was so touched by these people and confused at the same time. I think it was that night that I realized that MAYBE this was where I needed to be. And so i kept going to church and although at first I was just going through the motions, eventually I realized my need to be saved. I literally felt the Holy Spirit in my heart stirring it up more than ever and while I dont have an exact time or date, I believe then is the day that I got saved. I flash back to that day a lot in my head, my heart had been so convicted by the Word of God and the message that day, I was crying my eyes out to the Lord in desperation. I wanted to go up to the alter, but I hadn't because quite honestly, I didn't know what the alter was even about and the thought of going in front of everyone and looking dumb wrenched my stomach in knots and i felt physically sick about it. So, after I had asked the Lord to save me, my heart was changed. And while I know that I can not be saved by my works, I noticed that I was seeing and hearing clearer, I noticed that the anger I once had at people turned into a feeling of sadness that they were lost, I started praying for people, especially when they hurt me very bad, I wanted my friends to come to church and I was genuinely hurt when they came told me they thought it was weird and wouldn't go back, I noticed that it was easier to forgive and that I actually WANTED to forgive, I realized that my mission was to raise my children up in Christ so that they, too, one day would hopefully be saved. I had a desire to read Gods Word, I started reading it with my son, EVEN our holidays turned into something different, where they were now centered around Jesus and not of the things of this world. I started questioning our children being taught in public schools without God being the center of their education and lives, I started understanding how his Word spoke to me and how it was so very relevant in my life. I understood why God instructs us to live our lives a certain way in his Word, I STOPEED getting offended at the wisdom in His Word and I started BEING GREATFUL l for the guidance that was in the book and I had recognized that EVERY SINGLE TIME my life was brought to SHAMBLES, it was a direct result of living against his Word. I had an overwhelming burden in my heart for all of my family who was lost, and for the lost world. GOD HAD ALLOWED ME TO SEE THE LIGHT AND I WANTED EVERYONE ELSE TO, TOO. And I don't mean to say I, I, I, because I know that without the Lord and the Holy Spirit working in my life, I can do or be nothing. Yet, I overlooked all of these things and just brushed these things off, because I thought that the CHANGE that was SUPPOSED to happen would be that I would stop sinning, and so I entered the viscious cycle of constantly doubting my salvation, BECAUSE I am a sinner. You see, I thought that everything was supposed to be perfect after I got saved, I thought my kids would behave better, I thought that I'd have all the patience in the world, I thought that I'd never think a bad thought again, I thought I'd go home and I'd be the perfect Christian, I thought I'd never get upset when people hurt me, I thought people were going to be good, I knew that I would still be a sinner, I just didn't think that it only happen once every few months or so. And so, every time I sinned, (and no, i wasn't robbing banks or anything huge like that) I would feel the need to question my salvation. I would tell myself, if i was saved, I wouldn't have done that. If i was saved, this wouldn't have happened. So, again, I would repent of my sin and ask the Lord to save me. In the past year, I have probably asked him sincerely, a thousand times or more to save me. For a few months at the end of our time in Germany, I was able to be blessed with assurance that I was saved and the doubt, for the most part, went away. But then, I got to Colorado and it took us too long to find a church and again, the doubt came back. It even got a little worse, because i additionally started getting concerned that maybe I didn't pray right, what if i left out something in my prayer of salvation back in Germany? Maybe I prayed wrong, and if i did, than how could God save me? So, i met with Pastor and his wife last Sunday and I talked to them about my concerns. Pastor asked me if i was 100% sure that I am going to Heaven when I die and I said, i was 98% sure. He said that was not good and he left his wife and I alone to talk for a while. I talked with his wife and I thought, well.....if i pray for the Lord to save me again, THIS TIME, I'LL have a witness besides myself and God, and i'll also have a time, a day, a place and a distinct memory of asking Jesus into my heart, then I'll for sure know I am saved and all doubt will go away. So, I prayed with Pastors wife, I asked Jesus into my heart and admitted that I am a sinner, I asked for forgiveness for ever doubting his Word in the past and I thanked him for the good people I had around me, to guide me. And after that, I had a calmness in my heart, I dont know what it was, if i was just relieved that the Pastor and his wife didn't think my concerns were crazy, if God had given me this peace about my being saved, i didn't know what it was. And it lasted until the next day and then I got a different peace in my heart and it was peace that GOD HAD HEARD ME THE FIRST TIME, he heard me a thousand times ago and i didn't need to keep questioning Him. My pastor from back in Germany told me that Those changes that I talked about earlier and wrote off in my life as being small, were not small changes....I realized that God's word was right and that those things that happened in my heart and life happened because I had the grace of God working in me, and God gave me a assurance deeper than I could ever ask for. And I thank Him for it. I have finally accepted that I am trapped in a sinner's body and even though I hate sin, it should not cause me to question God's word and promises any longer. I realize that God did his part and I just had to do mine. He heard me the first time. And so i just wanted everyone to know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and I wanted to thank GOD for his grace and patience with me, for this church, for my last church, and for those missionaries that go as God would have them.